I described the last few days though I scarcely understand them myself. I know I sounded psychiatrically disordered as I babbled away. Yes, I'd spent additional time with Paul North and yes, and I'd enjoyed myself . I listed brief highlights of our time together, the sights we'd toured, and the restaurants where we'd eaten. I strolled to my closet for a robe, a cell phone tucked under my chin, but discussing Paul while I was nude was strangely titillating and instead I plopped down on my bed still unclothed.
"And this Paul guy went with you to see Ma." It was more a statement than a question.
"Actually, it was his suggestion." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized any points I made for my visit evaporated. "I'll go back," I added lamely.
I explained the visit was a spur of the moment decision, and I admitted I should have telephoned Suzie who was only minutes away.
"Why didn't you? I'll answer that for you; you were chicken to explain to me why you were still in the area days after you were supposed to leave and fooling around with some guy you'd just met!" My silence didn't deny it. "God, Sarah! That is so unlike you!"
"I wasn't fooling around," I protested.
"What were you doing?"
"Enjoying myself." I added, "I haven't done that in a very long time." I stretched out on bed. There was a comforting feeling of old times talking to my sister.
"You're sleeping with him!"
"No!"
"Is that the truth?"
I felt a pang of resentment. "Damn it, Suzie, I'd never, ever lie to you. You know that!"
She was undaunted. "So why didn't you have sex? Did you refuse him?"
"No! He didn't ask."
"Is he gay?"
"Hell, no! He has two kids!"
Suzie didn't speak for several seconds. "But you wanted to sleep with him, didn't you?" Once again, my silence deceived me as I lay there, raised up on my pillows, gazing down at my body and feeling suddenly exposed. "My lord, Sarah!" Suzie exclaimed. "Is this serious?"
I took a deep breath. "I don't know. I guess. Maybe."
"That covers all the bases. Are you going to see him again?"
"I think so. I hope so."
"Tell me everything; not just the bull shit about the House of the Seven Gables. What did he say? Who promised what?"
I can't describe how incredibly good it felt having someone to talk to. It was years since I'd had a confidant, so long I couldn't remember until it dawned on me the last person I'd trusted with my thoughts and feelings was the sister with whom I was now sharing them. I slunk lower down in bed and began what extended to an hour of conversation. Detailing the last three days was cathartic and Suzie was a good listener, seldom interrupting my discourse. When I mentioned meeting Paul's children, I could hear her intake her breath.