"Was that all you felt?"
"What do you mean? Did I get a thrill out of it? Was it in some way salacious?" I jumped to my feet. "Hell, no! You're a bastard for asking that!"
"Sorry. I wasn't suggesting . . ."
"Yes. You were! I'll tell you what thrilled me. I was thrilled that this girl I love so much trusted me to do something so intimate and abhorrent."
Dr. Mason gently coaxed me to sit down and again apologized. When I'd calmed down, he continued. "That's what you thought of it . . . abhorrent? Yet you still did it?"
"No. It wasn't abhorrent to me, unpleasant perhaps, but we had endured it dozens of times. This poor kid had never even heard of it."
"Nevertheless the outcome was positive in your mind."
"It was certainly successful, if that's what you mean."
"I still have trouble understanding why a less delicate means wasn't utilized. You're an adult. Karen is a child. Surely you should be in charge." It was my turn to sigh as he continued. "Did you discuss it with your husband; the girl's father?"
God, how that pissed me off! He sounded like I was the hired help; I had no business making decisions. "No," I answered. "He was out of town. And before you ask, I didn't tell him when he returned either. Karen didn't want me too. She said it was too personal and too embarrassing."
"Once again, you bowed to her will. Don't you think this is important enough to discuss something so drastic with her father? Explain why you did what you did?"
"It's over and done with."
"How was the remedy first mentioned? Was it solely her idea?"
"No. She didn't even know what one was. It came up when she asked what my mother would have done."
"Ah! Doesn't that strike you as strange?"
"No. She's obsessed with comparing us." He remained silent until I felt the need to explain further. "Okay, I mentioned it. I was positive she'd be repulsed by the idea of it and never in a million years consider utilizing it. You'd have to know how modest she is; no one sees her naked. I'd never come across anything else my mother did that Karen didn't leap on and embrace. I figured I had her this time."
"You had her? It was a game?"
"No. Of course not. It just got out of hand, that's all." I began to cry. I don't know why. I'd never done that in his office and I don't know whether I hated myself for doing it or hated him for causing it. I was so proud of Karen's affection and now he was making me sound like a bastard for trying to outsmart a child. I couldn't stop. He handed me a tissue.