He ordered for us again, a deliciously elegant dinner of filet mignon and roasted potatoes accompanied by bottles of wine and for dessert champagne and Crème Brule that he let me crack with a spoon. While we nibbled on our shared dessert, he seemed very reluctant to leave and so I took the opportunity to ask him a few questions that had been nagging at the back of my mind.
“Kiran?” I approached carefully. He shifted his eyes from watching the busy street outside and waited for me to continue. “Did you know my grandfather very well, I mean as a child?”
“Why do you ask?” he avoided my question with one of his own. I could feel his reserve; see the careful hesitation in his eyes as if he were waiting for me to start a fight.
“It's something that Ileana said to me. It's just that, I mean, I didn't know him at all growing up and I just wanted to know what kind of a man he was before I met him,” I explained, hoping to assure him it was mere curiosity pressing me to interrogate him and not malice or anger.
Kiran smiled sadly, and then answered, “I knew him very well; and he was much like a grandfather to me actually. After his peace treaty with father, after your parents disappeared, father installed him at Kingsley as the headmaster. But even still, he seemed to be a permanent fixture in our home. From what I understand after my own grandfather died, Amory stepped in to help my father run the kingdom until he understood things better. From everything I've heard they were very close until Delia disappeared and my father lost his mind,” Kiran smiled sadly, a cloud settled over his eyes for a brief moment but when he continued speaking it was replaced with true admiration, “For as long as I can remember Amory was a part of my life, he probably spent more time with me as a child than my father did. He would take me everywhere with him while he visited, to meetings, to trials, to public events. It used to drive my father mad, but he let Amory get away with it. I think he knew that in Amory's own way he was preparing me to be king one day. He talked to me for hours on every topic that faced my father, helping me come to my own conclusions on how I would deal with different situations. He would make me spend time with our people, promising me I would understand kingdom issues better if I understood our people better. He would take me for weeks at a time hiking and camping during the summer. He taught me how to fight.... how to hunt.....” Kiran trailed off and turned away from me, hiding the emotion that flooded his eyes. “You're so much like him, Eden. You have this thirst for life, this love of all things that radiated from him. You believe in everything and everyone means something, that everything has a unique purpose. I know my father thinks you get that from your human upbringing, but I know that it comes from Amory.”
I sat there stunned. It was very possible Kiran was closer to my grandfather than I was. He certainly knew him better than I did. I wanted to question him further, to demand an answer to his betrayal but I felt moved by his story and the perfection of the day and so I stayed silent.
After several more moments of silence, Kiran turned to me and I knew without a doubt that whatever he was about to tell me was the truth, “Eden, I never meant for Amory to die that night, you have to believe me. I loved him like a grandfather, maybe even more like a father, and if I would have known that my father was going to kill him, I would have fought to stop that. I would have done anything to stop that from happening. Honestly, I didn't think anything or anyone was capable of killing him. I was shocked by his death.... devastated. Please believe me,” Kiran insisted, his eyes big turquoise pools of sorrow. He reached across the table and took my hand in his. I felt his magic then, sincere and desperate, destroyed by his own loss.
“I believe you,” I whispered, hardly able to keep my composure.
“Will you forgive me?” he pressed. I watched his eyes want to look away, ashamed to even ask me for forgiveness, but he bravely kept them focused on me.
“Kiran, there is more to that night than Amory. There is more to your.... betrayal than the death of my grandfather. And I cannot forgive you for that night, or what has happened since,” I confessed. I broke the gaze, shifting my eyes to the uneaten dessert growing warm in the summer night.
“Of course there is,” he resigned, pulling his hand away from mine. “But if it means anything to you, I was naive, blinded by my love for you. I never meant to hurt you or take away your family. I was just trying to find a way for us to be together.”
“Trust me, I get all that. I was naive too,” when Kiran flinched, I continued quickly, “I mean about love. I know it was not even a year ago, but honestly it feels like a decade has gone by since I fell in love with you and I am not that same girl. I was just as blinded, just as..... immature. We fell in love too fast; it couldn't have all been real. Obviously, it ended worse than anyone could have ever imagined, and in the worst way possible, but we're both better off now, don't you think?”
“Eden,” Kiran sobered a little, the traces of remorse and regret replaced with cold honesty, “how are things better now? We're in the same position we were then only now we don't love each other.”
“But it's different now, I think we've both become different people.... better people. I was lost and painfully immature. I've grown. I know what I want now, and I didn't before. ” I explained carefully.
“And you want Jericho,” Kiran stated, misunderstanding my point.
“No, I mean yes, I am with Jericho, but what I mean is that I know where I stand in this war, I know where my place is. I belong with the Resistance. I belong fighting against your father.” I looked up at him then, so he could see the sincerity in my eyes and read the determined expression on my face.
“You're wrong about that,” Kiran countered and his face reflected the same honest sincerity that mine did. “Of course you're fighting on the right side of this whole thing, but you do not belong in some covert safe-house, running missions and taking orders. You belong in the palace, where you can interact with others and convince them they're wrong, that what they believe is wrong.”
I blushed at his belief in me. His words moved me, his complete sincerity that I could actually make a difference with others stirred my soul and I knew that he was right.
“I hope you're right about that because it's the only place I can be right now,” I mumbled humbly.
“Eden, look at me,” Kiran demanded gently and when my eyes met his, he continued, “You are right about all that other stuff, we fell in love too fast, I was painfully immature as well, but what you have to understand is that you are not just someone I fell in love with. You are a belief system, a theology all of your own that demands faith and loyalty. I am not the only one helpless to follow your call. Everyone who meets you is moved to join your cause because you call them to it. You find that moral, innate responsibility in others and draw it to the surface. After meeting you, there is no choice but to seek the same truth that you do.”
I sat speechless for a minute, not knowing how to respond. Kiran smiled at me in a sheepish version of his smirk and then looked away before clarifying, “Was helpless, I was helpless before, but I'm not anymore. I know all you're tricks by now....”
“How long before the rest of the kingdom figures them out too?” I joked, glad he lightened the mood.
“Hopefully not until you've destroyed my father,” he was serious, more serious than I had ever seen him and he silenced me as I mentally chewed on his words, trying to make sense of them. When I opened my mouth to speak, he continued quickly, “Don't ask me, Eden. I can't give you an explanation.”
“You can't, or you won't?” I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it from him.
“I won't,” he replied with finality. He raised his hand for the check to be brought to us and after he paid he stood to leave, taking my arm and leading me to the curb where he hailed a taxi.
Earlier today I was terrified of where he planned to take me tonight, but as we climbed into the backseat of the taxi I felt nothing but peace. He answered more of my questions today than I believed he ever would and at the end of it came real answers, real truth. I knew our relationship was over, the love between us died months ago and now with honest communication opened we could continue a friendship. Or maybe not a friendship, but a relationship not built on past feelings or lies. I didn't love him. And he didn't love me. That much was clear.
It didn't even matter that I just spent the best day of my life with him, or found him charming and perfect when he was away from the palace, away from his title. We both moved on months ago.
Chapter Eighteen
The cab left Paris and drove into the country while the sun set low on the horizon. Kiran and I sat in the backseat in pensive silence. The sunflowers were in full bloom this time of year and they drooped their golden heads, saying goodnight to the world and falling asleep with the sun.
“Kiran,” I broke our silence, wanting to express my gratitude for the day, “thank you for today. I had the best time and I appreciate what you did for me.”
“You are welcome, Love,” Kiran turned to me, his face marked with that look, his eyes deep blue and heavy with some emotion I couldn't for the life of me figure out.
“It's easy to be with you like this,” when his face twisted into confusion, I continued, “I mean, away from everything, away from responsibility and.... fate I suppose. But life isn't really like this, is it?”
“I suppose not,” Kiran agreed. “Although if you're going to talk about fate then there is no real way to know if this day was part of Fate's greater plan or not.”
I smiled at him, knowing he didn't expect an answer, knowing that neither of us believed that was true. “No, this is just a vacation,” I replied anyway.
We drove farther into the country and I started to feel like I recognized this area. Eventually we pulled off the main highway and onto a little country road. At the end of the road was a farmhouse obscured by the darkness and surrounded by sunflower fields that went on for miles. A large barn sat to the side of the house and a paved road that looked a lot like a runway led out to it.
Finally, it hit me. Gabriel's house. We were at Gabriel's. I grabbed Kiran's arm roughly, squeezing it excitedly in my grasp. And then I tuned in to Avalon and realized he was in France, in that very house.
“Kiran, is he here?” I asked, needing confirmation.
“Yes, they're all here,” he replied, his cheeks burning with embarrassment from my exhilaration.
As soon as the cab pulled up to the house, I jumped out, racing for the door and bursting it open with magic. Avalon was on the other side waiting for me with arms open. I threw myself at him, hugging him close and letting the tears fall. I couldn't believe he was here, that I could touch him, and talk to him face to face.
I had plans to kill Lucan and be reunited with my family again. I plotted and thought things through constantly. Still, every time I left Avalon, a part of me always said goodbye to him forever. We went through too much, there was too much pain in our life for me to confidently believe I could win this war and keep intact everything that I held dear. I had lost too much already to believe that.