I nailed him with a fake scowl. I was on an assignment, after all.
“We need to talk,” he said.
Uh-oh. Nothing good ever came out of a conversation that started with “We need to talk.” I mouthed, “Later,” and shooed him away while the doctor took a few more notes.
He laughed softly, and for a split moment, the doctor lost her focus and let her gaze dart, just for a second, over her shoulder.
He winked, the saucy flirt, and dematerialized, leaving me alone with my psychiatrist again. I was pretty sure he’d been breaking a few HIPAA laws by being there, anyway.
“Did you hear something?” she asked.
“You mean besides the thunderous and devastating ramifications if I can’t figure out how to take this god down and he completes his mission?”
“Yes. Besides that.”
“If I could just get all my memories back… I know there’s something hidden, something important that will tell me how to deal with him. Like it’s on the tip of my tongue, only with more of a brain analogy.”
“Okay. So, why does your sister refuse to do regressive therapy with you? Besides the obvious?”
“Oh, that whole ethical dilemma thing on account of her being my sister and all? Yeah, well, she’s afraid it will bring out some strange new power in me and I’ll accidently blow Albuquerque off the face of the planet. Which is ridonculous.” I snorted and rolled my eyes. “I can totally control my powers now.”
She took more notes.
“Most of the time.”
She continued to write.
“I don’t think the ‘Lumpy’s Taco Hut incident’ should count. That place was an eyesore. People should be thanking me.”
She offered me her attention once again. “Lumpy’s Taco Hut? That was you?”
Shit. I forgot that whole thing was still under investigation. “Pfft, no.” Thank Reyes’s Brother, Lumpy’s had been closed due to code violations at the time and no one was hurt.
“Ah.” She shut her notebook. “Is there anything else you want to share? Anything you think I should be aware of?”
“No.” I shook my head in thought. “Not especially. Unless you count the fact that I’m going to take over the world.”
“The whole thing?”
“Well, I’m going to try to take over the world.”
“And you feel you’re prepared for world domination?”
I lifted a noncommittal shoulder. “I’m taking a business class.”
“Good for you.” She opened up her notebook again and jotted down a few more ideas.
“I told Jehovah, through his archangel Michael, of course, that I was going to do it, too.”
“Take over the world?”
It sounded silly when she said it out loud, but I could hardly turn back now. “Yes.”
“And how did He take that?”
“Not well, but you don’t know what He did. He created an entire hell dimension just to lock my husband inside and throw away the key. Though we weren’t married at the time. This was a few thousand years ago.”
Ever since informing Michael of my plans, God had sent a legion of His minions to follow my every move. They were like the heavenly version of the Secret Service. I’d threatened, and, for some reason only they knew of, they’d taken it seriously. But why? I was angry when I said it – and I certainly meant it – but that doesn’t explain why they would take me seriously. Unless I was a real threat.
Hell.
Yes.
“So, God talks to you?”
I snapped back to reality. “Oh, no. Not directly.”
“Right. He talks to you through His archangel, Michael.” She wrote down every word as she said it.
“Yeah. Kind of old-school, if you ask me, what with today’s technology. You know, I thought psychiatrists just sort of listened while the patient talked. You’re gonna run out of ink there, missy.” I laughed nervously.
She gave me a patient smile. “I have more pens in my desk.”
“Gotcha.”
“So, God is upset because you threatened to take over His world?”
“That’s the word on the street.”
“Are you worried?”
“Not especially.”
“Fair enough. Let’s get back to these powers. What do you plan to do with them?”
“Excuse me?”
“Your powers. I mean, surely you’re going to use them for good?”
I got the sneaking suspicion she was humoring me. I was good with that. I threw an arm over my face. “There’s so much, you know? So much I could do. I could cure cancer. I could end famine. I could stop all wars and bring absolute peace to the world.”
“And why don’t you?”
I lowered my arm slowly. “I’m still kind of figuring the whole thing out. I’m saying I could do all those things. Not that I know how.”
“That would be difficult.”
“That and I think that’s why the angels are here. Not, like, in this room, but all around me. Following me. Watching me. I don’t think He wants me to do any of those things.”
“And why wouldn’t He?”
“Autonomy.” When she raised her brows in question, I explained. “That was the deal. After that whole Adam and Eve fiasco – Eve got screwed, by the way – that was the deal. He gave humans complete autonomy. Earth is ours, and it’s up to us to help our fellow man or harm him. To heal ourselves. To do good things. No matter your religion, no matter your beliefs, the lesson is the same: be kind.”