“So you’re gonna turn into that weird monster now?” Alex asked, and he didn’t show any of the fear or revulsion she’d been expecting.
“Eventually,” she admitted. “I want to work my way back up to it. I tried the other day with Daniel, and nothing bad happened, but it’s at the very edge of my control. I thought I’d try with something safer today, like just the wings.”
He nodded and straightened up. “So how can I help?”
Gemma had been hanging on to the door and standing in front of Alex, blocking his entry to the garage, and when he made like he meant to step inside, she didn’t move. “Thanks for the offer, but it’s probably better if I try it on my own.”
“Why?” He shook his head, not understanding. “You practiced with Daniel the other day.”
She looked up into his eyes, trying to get a read on him, and tilted her head. “You can’t be jealous over that.”
“No I’m not,” Alex agreed. “At least not the way you mean.”
“Why on earth would you be jealous? He put himself in danger, and that’s nothing you should want for yourself.”
“Because you rely on him more than you do me,” he told her. In the last month, Alex had gotten much better at hiding his feelings, and he kept his expression even, but his dark eyes betrayed the hurt he felt. “I’m much stronger than you give me credit for, Gemma.”
“This isn’t about strength. This is about my not wanting to do anything that could hurt you ever again.” She stared up at him, imploring him to understand.
“You don’t care if Daniel gets hurt?” Alex countered.
“No, of course I do, but…”
She sighed and stepped back from the door. Alex stayed where he was, standing in the doorway, and she leaned back against a sawhorse.
“You think he can handle it better than I can,” Alex said.
She shrugged. “He’s just been around it more.”
“Gemma, I’ve known you for over ten years. I’ve seen the sirens you’re fighting against. I said I’d do anything to be with you, and I meant it, knowing full well who you are and what you have in your life.” He’d been walking toward her as he spoke, and he stopped right in front of her, so close that her legs were brushing up against his. “I can handle you and your monsters. But you have to trust me.”
“What if I hurt you?”
He reached down and took her hand in his. “I would rather get hurt fighting by your side than live forever a hundred miles away.”
“So you really wanna do this? You wanna be a part of everything?” Gemma asked.
“I do.”
“Okay.” She smiled at him. “Close the door.”
When Alex went to shut the door, Gemma got up and walked to the center of the room. She stretched her neck from side to side and rolled her shoulders.
“I haven’t figured out how to force the changes yet. I’m gonna try to make this happen, but I’m not sure that anything will.”
Alex leaned back against the freezer chest and crossed his arms over his chest. “How did you do it the other day?”
“I was thinking of things that scared me,” she said, remembering how she’d changed in the Paramount Theater. “Terror seems to incite the transformation, like it’s a defense mechanism. But I don’t think it’s good for me to be so afraid, to make the change happen that way.”
He nodded. “That makes sense. Like in the Green Lantern comics, the yellow power harnesses fear, making it unstable and corruptible. You want something purer, like willpower or hope or love.”
Gemma couldn’t help but laugh a little at her boyfriend. “I like how you can bring any topic back to comics.”
“But it’s true, right?” Alex asked. “How many times have you fully transformed into the monster?”
“Only once fully.” She lowered her eyes, and her heart tightened at the memory. “With Daniel, I was almost full, but not completely. I’ve been able to do my hands a few times, and my wings just the once.”
“And each time you transformed, were you scared?” Alex asked.
She swallowed hard and nodded. “I was terrified. I thought I would be hurt or killed, or that someone I care about would be hurt or killed.”
“You were letting fear control you and, in turn, the monster. You need to be the one in control.”
“So I need to just will wings to sprout from my back?” Gemma asked.
He shrugged. “Yeah.”
Gemma thought back to when she’d made her wings come out before. Lexi had just thrown her over the cliff, and Gemma was perched on a rock as the waves crashed around her while Daniel fought for his life against Lexi back up at the top. The wings had been slow to come even though Gemma was willing them to with all her might. It had only been her fear that had finally spurred the change on.
“I’m not sure I can do it. Not without channeling some of my fear,” she insisted.
“If you let your fear motivate you, then you’re not in control. The monster is. And that’s when someone will get hurt.”
“I know, but I don’t know how else to do it.” She ran her hand through her hair in exasperation. “Maybe there is no other way. Maybe the sirens are all just channeling their fear and hunger, and that’s how they morph.”
“You really think Penn is afraid that often?” Alex asked dubiously.