* * *
An hour later, Mike put down his empty beer bottle and stood. “I’m sorry, ladies. I’m going to have to hit the hay.” He gave me a nod good night and leaned down to press a soft kiss to Rae’s lips before heading toward her bedroom.
As soon as we heard the door shut behind him, Rae turned to me. “What do you think?”
I smirked. “Like you care.”
“True.” She grinned. “But I’m curious.”
“He seems like a really good guy.”
“The very best,” she said, her gaze drifting past me to the dark sky outside.
Comfortable silence fell between us only to be broken a minute later by Rae. “I had a good foster parent when I was a kid.”
The brittle quality in her voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
“Sally McIntyre. Her husband passed a year before she got me, but she kept on fostering.” She took the last drag of her beer and looked me direct in the eye. “Sally’s brother raped me when I was fourteen.”
My whole body jerked back like I’d been shot, and my lips fell open, ready for the right words, the right response, but my brain couldn’t think of one. The blood rushing in my ears drowned out any possible response.
“Sally found out and she got the police involved. She lost everything, though. I was put back into a girls’ home and I was examined and questioned until I wanted to die. That kind of thing leaves a mark on you. My fiancé, Jason, worked his arse off to help me through all the ugliness I’d been left with from my teenage years. He was patient with me, made me feel safe, in every way. With sex too. He gave me back to me.” She smiled but the gesture didn’t reach her eyes. “I fought tooth and nail to enjoy sex and not to be afraid of it, so I kind of went the opposite way, you know—as sexually free as I can be. But that mark . . . it never really disappears, and it leaves something behind in the back of your eyes.”
I couldn’t believe someone as strong as Rae had gone through so much. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
She nodded her thanks and then continued to shake the ground beneath me. “Shannon, were you raped?”
I felt like all the air was sucked out of the room, and the blood rushing in my ears only worsened. Sweat prickled under my arms and along my palms. Trembling a little, I held her gaze. “Almost,” I whispered, fighting the tears.
A fierce quality entered Rae’s eyes. “You fought the bastard off?”
I nodded and suddenly I was telling her everything. “His name was Ollie . . .”
Everything but the very worst of it, I told her. I didn’t want anyone to know the worst of it—my blame, my guilt, the devastation I’d caused my family. But everything else just poured out of me until I was sobbing in her arms.
Rae held me tight, rocking me, whispering words of comfort I’d had no idea I needed until somehow the pain lessened. Exhausted, I fell asleep in her arms.
The next morning I woke up in my own bed and I realized it was the best sleep I’d had since it all happened.
CHAPTER 5
A lthough Rae and I didn’t mention her confession or my own at breakfast the next morning, there was definitely a shift in our newfound friendship. Not only did I know where I stood with Rae, but now she knew where she stood with me.
Feeling raw after having purged so much from the dark closet in the back of my mind where I kept the events of the last few years locked up tight, I was thankful that Rae continued to be her usual sarcastic, unfiltered self. Her pity would have killed me. It was her day off and for once it coincided with Mike’s, so I was really quite glad to be leaving for work. From the look on her face, I was guessing Mike was in for a sexathon.
Despite Rae’s support and willingness to act normal around me, as I walked into INKarnate I still felt really fragile from my breakdown the night before. Cole had an early appointment, so he was busy, but Simon came out to greet me, took one look at me, and immediately asked me if I was okay. I managed to convince him I just hadn’t slept well, and he left me to get on with the filing.
I blame the edginess I was feeling for what happened next.
A few hours later, I was standing in the back of the closet that held all the files when the light in the room dimmed a little. Sensing I wasn’t alone, I spun around and found Cole leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, one ankle over the other. The pose said casual, but his gaze was assessing.
The attraction I felt toward him was suddenly overtaken by an overwhelming burning anger centered in my gut.
“You look very pretty today, Shortcake,” he said softly.
The seriousness in his words, the lack of flirtation, the tenderness in the silly nickname he’d given me, only made my anger simmer over. At least when he was being blasé and sexy I could fight it, but now he was being underhanded—trying out that soulful “I really do like you” rubbish on me. “I’m busy,” I bit out.
Sighing heavily, Cole stood from the door and took a few steps inside. “Look, I’m sorry if I came on a little strong before. I’m not usually like that.” He gave me a cheeky smile, returning to his natural form. “You just bring it out in me.”
“Oh, I’m sure.”
Hearing the acidity in my response, Cole tensed. “Have I done something to upset you?”
Had he done something?
Mad as hell, I turned on him, feeling all the dislike and fear and loss that was running through me coalesce in his direction. Later I’d realize how unfair and irrational it had been, but right then Cole Walker represented everything wrong with my life and the choices I’d made thus far.
“I can’t stand guys like you.” My words were low, filled with venom that caused Cole’s body to jerk back in surprise. “Good-looking guys who assume every woman will just fall at their feet, grateful for a crumb of their attention. Well, I’m not one of them. I don’t respect players like you. I don’t like you. I don’t trust you. There’s nothing behind that charming smile but empty promises. You have nothing real to offer me or anyone who finds herself a victim of your flirtation. The difference between me and them, however, is that I’m smart enough to see you for what you really are.” Breathing ragged, I concluded, “Nothing.”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back. The look on his face . . . utter disbelief. I didn’t say ugly things like that to people. That wasn’t me.
But the fact that he’d reduced me to it just made me even angrier.
The muscle in Cole’s jaw flexed and he took one menacing step toward me, causing me to stumble back. He stopped, noting my retreat with something like disgust. “You don’t know the first f**king thing about me . . . but thank you. Thank you for showing me what a judgmental bitch you can be. I won’t waste my time on someone who’s not worth it.”
To my astonishment his words cut me.
I hid it, though. Practice made perfect. “Am I out of a job?”
His upper lip curled. “You really do think I’m a prick, don’t you?”
I made no response since the vitriol I’d just dealt him seemed evidence enough.
“No, Shannon,” Cole snapped. “Your job is safe as long as you do it well. As for me, I’ll be sure to stay out of your way as much as I possibly can.”
* * *
Unfortunately for Cole and me we shared the same two days off, so it wasn’t even as though we could avoid each other at work.
The hostility between us was bad.
I was sure Rae noticed it at work on Tuesday, but she didn’t say anything. I didn’t know if that was her being scarily perceptive or if she just didn’t give a crap. Sometimes with Rae it was hard to tell. It was Simon’s day off, so he didn’t know anything was going on. He returned to work on Wednesday.
We made it obvious pretty quickly that something was amiss.
Cole had just finished up with a customer. He’d been all friendly and smiles, bringing the older woman to the reception to pay, but as soon as he turned to me his expression turned blank. “An hour for Marie here.”
I didn’t even look at him. Just as friendly as he had been with Marie, I took her cash with a smile and bade her a good day. As soon as she was out the door, Cole informed me, “I’ll be out for lunch today, so I won’t need you to get me anything.”
“Fine.”
He grunted and strode away.
Half an hour later his next appointment came in. Just the thought of having to go into Cole’s room to tell him caused me butterflies and not the good kind. The moth-eaten-winged kind.
Bracing myself, I hurried to his room only to find he and Simon were in there joking together. Cole looked up and the laughter died in his eyes at the sight of me. “What?” he said impatiently.
I glanced at Simon and noted his eyebrows were halfway up his forehead, he was so taken aback by Cole’s tone. Annoyed, I gritted my teeth and looked at my boss with invisible daggers shooting out of my eyes. “Your next appointment is here. Thought you’d like to know.”
“Fine.” He looked away quickly to resume conversation with Simon, but Simon’s mouth was hanging open as he stared at me.
I made a face and whirled around on my heel and stomped out of there.
I heard Simon say gruffly, “What was that?” but was moving too fast to hear Cole’s reply.
That was pretty much how Cole and I treated each other for the rest of the day. My favorite part was when he finished up with the pretty young blonde who’d gone in for a tattoo of her favorite lyrics on her lower hip (I knew this because she couldn’t shut up about the Killers lyrics, what they meant to her, and what it meant that the Cole Walker would be inking them on her skin) and he ended up taking her out to lunch. Her name was Jessica and after she paid, she leaned over the desk to me with this massive grin on her face and whisper-shouted, “Cole’s taking me out for lunch.”
I couldn’t help it. My eyes sought his with a will of their own.
Cole stared right through me. Without a good-bye, he held the door open for Jessica and followed her out into the cool spring day.
Ignoring the burn of something I refused (once again) to admit was jealousy, I fiddled with the files, trying to remember what I’d been in the middle of doing before Cole turned a client meeting into a date.
“Hmm.”
My head jerked up at the noise.
Simon was standing in the middle of the studio staring at the door.
“Hmm, what?”
He shrugged before slowly turning his gaze on me. “Cole rarely does that.”
Not that I cared . . . but, “Does what?”
“Asks clients out. Did it once a few years back, but she was a regular and they dated for about six months, I think.”
I snorted. It was hard to believe Cole lasted six months with a girl.
“I’m saying”—Simon stepped toward me, sounding just as impatient as Cole had sounded earlier—“perhaps he just did it to piss someone off.”
Someone as in me?
I made a face, staring at the door where he’d left. “How very mature,” I muttered.
“What happened between you two?”
“Nothing,” I hurried to assure him. “Absolutely nothing.”
Now it was Simon’s turn to snort. “Funny how absolutely nothing can make the most laid-back guy I know act like a pissy little f**ker.”
“Funny, that,” I murmured, looking down at my work and refusing to look back up again until I felt him leave.
It would be an understatement to say I was glad when Thursday rolled around. I jumped on a bus that took me to Portobello. I sat at an angle at one end of the beach promenade and began to sketch the houses along it where the land curved around the sand and water stretched out in front of me.
It was peaceful and for a little while I didn’t think about my family or Cole or anything upsetting.
I thought Friday was going just as well until later that evening Rae invited me out for a drink. I wanted to say no because I knew Cole would be there, but I’d already declined the previous night and I knew Rae wouldn’t take no for an answer again.
Weirdly, Rae’s friendship had come to mean something to me. I was lonely in Edinburgh and she was the only thing keeping me from feeling not so lonely. I didn’t want to inadvertently push her away in my bid to avoid Cole.
To my everlasting relief, however, I discovered Cole wasn’t at the pub. Just Simon and Tony.
Rae and I sat down with a fresh round for the boys. “Where is His Gorgeousness tonight?” she asked.
Simon grinned. “Getting sexier. He, Cam, and Nate are at that judo tournament in London. They get back late tonight.”
Curiosity got the best of me. “Judo?”
Rae nodded. “Our boss is a badass. Not only is he a kickboxer, but he has a black belt in judo with some number attached to it or something. I don’t know. Suffice to say he’s good at it. His brother-in-law, Cam, and Cam’s best mate, Nate, are also black belts. I think Nate coaches.”
Well, that explained Cole’s fantastic body.
Clearly I wasn’t the only one who thought he had an amazing body, because Simon started laughing at the glazed look that had come over Tony’s eyes. “Snap out of it, man.”
“Sorry.” Tony smiled wickedly. “I just got lost in the picture of those three throwing one another around.”
The others laughed, but Rae sensed my confusion. “Cole’s brother-in-law is this rugged, sexy guy in his late thirties. Nate’s the same age, I think, but he’s—”