I got the baby’s bottle ready, scooped him up and started feeding him. As soon as the nipple was in his mouth he was a happy little man again.
I was sitting in the recliner, feeding, when Lynn came back in to check on things. She took CC’s temperature and blood pressure. “On a scale of one to ten how is your pain level?”
“It’s still about an eight. I have a really bad headache.”
She typed it into the little computer she had, “Would you like something for the pain? You’re due for some relief.”
“Yes, please.” CC said.
She glanced up at me feeding the baby, a small smile breaking out on her face. Now that CC had pointed it out, I started to think maybe Lynn did like me. I wish she wouldn’t make it so noticeable. She was nice to look at – one of those pretty, girl next door types; nothing over the top about her. She was a little shorter than CC and had those doe eyes that made her look innocent. Her blonde hair was pixie styled, and I hate short hair. Her only really good feature was her tits. She was nothing compared to CC, not even a blip on my radar.
“I’ll go grab you something.” She rolled her cart out of the room and shut the door.
I gazed over at CC watching me feed our son and a sense of relief washed over me. A feeling I had been yearning for during the longest week of my life. My family is complete; we’d made it over this hurdle and could overcome everything else that was thrown at us.
8
When Lynn walked back in with the medicine I sighed in relief. I knew Hunter would catch on to what I was doing eventually, but I was going to hold out as long as I could. I felt like the worst mother in the world, I knew the baby wouldn’t understand but it was really bothering me.
“Here you go; this will probably make you sleepy.” Lynn explained to me while she injected the medicine into my IV.
Even better. “Thanks.”
She threw the trash in the bin, smiled over at Hunter who smiled back at her, then she left the room. There was an uncomfortable quietness that fell between us when we were alone.
Hunter placed the bottle on the tray table, lifted the baby to his shoulder and started burping him. He peered over at me and our eyes locked. Hunter was the one for me; I thought I knew it before, but the feeling that I had in that moment, observing him take care of our son, just sealed the deal. Watching his six foot two frame, two hundred and thirty pounds of solid muscle with tattoos everywhere, had me in tears.
“CC, what’s the matter?” he asked, sorrow deeply set in his eyes.
I wiped my eyes with my one hand, and then tried to force a smile. “Nothing, just these hormones have me going all crazy I guess.”
He smirked at me, “Is that the only reason?”
He can read me like a book, I shrugged my shoulders. “I love watching you with him. It’s like you already have the father-son bond down.”
“Yeah, we’ve had some time while we were waiting for you.” Just as he finished saying that, the baby puked all down the back of his shirt.
Without moving the baby he tried to look behind him, “Did he just puke?”
I started giggling, who would have ever thought we would be dealing with this so soon? “Yup, little stinker got you all down your back.”
Hunter swore under his breath, lifted the baby off his shoulder and practically threw him into my arms. I froze and Hunter immediately noticed.
“You haven’t even seen him yet have you?”
Even though I was holding the baby, I couldn’t bring myself to look down at him. I didn’t trust my voice so I just shook my head.
Hunter took a deep breath, reached behind him and pulled his shirt off, then threw it on top of the diaper bag. Seeing him standing there in a black wife beater, my favorite pair of plaid shorts and his black Yankees hat, I blushed. I would have thought I’d be over that by now. Maybe I never will be; he was gorgeous. His eyes were my favorite; they’re like the ocean. You could see every emotion crash, every storm brewing. Every brainstorm he had was like lightning hitting the sand; he always made it out to be incredible. His eyes showed me everything his heart was saying.
Very carefully, he shifted us over in the bed just a little so he was able to lay on his side with us. “CC, I know this is hard for you, but babe you need to do it. He’s a part of you, of us. I know you probably feel like all this is your fault. I felt like that too, I should have protected the both of you that day, but there wasn’t anything anyone could do.”
I sniffled, “I can’t Hunter, I feel like a horrible mom.”
“Stop this shit now, you are not and you never will be. Just look at him CC, he’s perfect.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Hunter rested his head on my shoulder and then the butterflies started.
“Come on, just look, he’s watching you.”
The moment I looked down at my son, I knew right then, I would never be the same. His little eyes were wide and staring right at me. He looked like he didn’t know whether to cry or stay quiet. Hunter was right; he was perfect, beautiful even. I thought for sure he was going to be bald but Hunter had called it; he had a head full of dark curly hair. He had a cute little button nose, just like I did when I was born, right along with the chubby cheeks.
Hunter reached over and ran his pointer finger down the side of the baby’s face and his little eyes closed. He repeated the comforting action until eventually, quietly, the little one fell asleep.
“So I think it’s time we named him.” Hunter said, smiling at our son.
“Yeah, I think you’re right. How come you didn’t before now?” I secretly kind of hoped that he wouldn’t.
He smirked at me, “Really? You’re asking me that? You would have kicked my ass if I picked something you didn’t like.”
“What if I didn’t make it?” I asked seriously.
The smirk fell from his face, “Don’t talk like that.”
I frowned, “I love you.” I loved him more than he would ever know.
“I love you more.”
“So a name, any of the ones we picked work for you?” We had a list of ten names but to me none of them fit now I’d seen his face.
“I like Ryder.”
“Ryder?” When I said it the baby sighed and I giggled.
“I think he likes it.” Hunter said, kissing my shoulder.
“I’d say so. You like that name do you?” I cooed to our son and he sighed again. Maybe this mom thing was going to be okay after all. I still felt like I didn’t deserve to be his mom after the accident, but just sitting there staring at him did something to me. I’d never wanted to protect anything or anyone more than I did then.