"Death is assured with a knife," he said.
I pulled it free and gazed at the short, fat blade. No part of me could stomach the idea of cutting myself. I'd never been suicidal, never thought twice about stabbing myself. The only reason I'd put my life in danger now was because I'd rather do it myself and risk getting away than face Chaghan again.
"I'd think it'd be painful," I said with a shudder.
"You will die faster this way."
"Wait a minute. Do you want me to die?" I demanded.
"I respect your wishes."
I faced him, glaring at him. Batu was relaxed, dressed like a warrior rather than a prisoner. He didn't seem at all concerned, which left me baffled after the effort he went to in order to find and save me in the castle.
"Aren't you supposed to protect me?" I asked him.
"I am. I dishonored you by leaving you with my uncle. If this is what you must do to restore your honor, then so be it."
I rolled my eyes. "I wasn't … I don't … I mean, I won't purposely kill myself. Your uncle is an asshole. He did this." I held up my arms. "He was going to do worse today. I figured I'd come to the river and … escape." I gazed around me again. "Somehow. And if I drowned in the attempt, then I drown."
"You do not wish to die, ugly one," he said. This time, there was amusement in his tone. I didn't know what he found funny about this.
"How would you know?" I grumbled. My feet were cold enough that I wanted out of the water, yet leaving the river felt like a defeat in the strange game I was playing with Batu.
He indicated my shoes and pile of silk dresses. "Men who wish to drown keep their boots on for added weight."
I almost sighed. He was right. Even believing I could possibly throw myself to my death, I was subconsciously working against the idea. "So maybe I'm not the kind of person to risk it," I allowed. "Do you want to kill me quickly instead of turning me over to your uncle to be bled to death?"
"Give me the knife and we will find out."
I froze. I instinctively knew taking my shoes off would help me survive, and I instinctively hid the knife behind my back rather than obey.
Batu laughed at me. "Again, Moonbeam, I ask. What do you do?"
"I don't know," I admitted miserably. "I don't know what to do."
"Then let me help you."
I frowned at the man I'd seen kill dozens in the span of a half an hour. "You'd defy your uncle? Khulutei wouldn't."