I was the only woman in ten thousand years he had chosen to stay with. While true I hadn't loved him, it was also possible for me to believe that one day, I might've been able to. With quiet strength and a sense of honor I'd never seen before, he was a good man to the core. I cared for and respected him, even if the emotion of love hadn't yet formed.
I didn't understand how I became the person to erase his existence from the universe and all of space and time when I couldn't kill a spider in my bathtub. I didn't pull the trigger, but I was nonetheless the tool that killed him.
I deserve to be trapped here. Was that what this was? Penance for hurting someone like him? Was my fate to be cut daily by a madman to keep his army on the warpath?
What was I thinking the night I met Carter and agreed to go back in time? In a matter of weeks to me, I'd gone from carefree with no regrets to wishing with all my heart I could go back to that day and walk away.
"It is settled!" Chaghan's near-shout pulled me from the trance I was in. I opened my eyes to see him angrily striding towards me from the direction of the entrance. "There will be no consulting the council."
"Uncle - " his nephew objected once more.
Chaghan yanked me up and hauled me towards the entrance. "You will drain all her blood by evening." He thrust me at the warrior.
His nephew caught and steadied me. "You risk displeasing the Eternal Blue Sky, not to mention the Khan."
"The Khan will see what I do: a means to increase our ability to fight. Heed my order, nephew, or you will follow her!"
The warrior holding my arms glanced at me. I sensed his unease, though his face was stoic.
I cursed myself for not paying more attention to their discussion, for letting my thoughts get pulled into emotions I couldn't afford to humor.
"As you command," the nephew said finally.
"Wait!" I cried. "I would ask you to … spare me. For a day, so that I can … prepare myself for what comes." It was the stupidest excuse I probably ever made. My heart raced, and adrenaline began eating away at the numbing effects of whatever drug they gave me. My arms were hurting.
"To pray," the nephew said.
"Yes, to pray. You asked, Chaghan, if there were some other purpose for me being here." I faced his uncle. "If the Eternal Blue Sky reveals one during my meditations, then I will tell you. If not, then in the morning, you can … do as you wish," I rushed on. In the meantime, I'm getting out of here.