Curious about where Batu had gone, I was also a little grateful for some space. Sleeping in his arms had gone from a warm, comfortable situation into one that was charged with sexual energy I wasn't certain what to do with. It frightened me on some levels, a final sign of how permanent this world was. I was considering him as something more than a temporary guardian and lowering what flimsy guards remained around my heart.
I stayed with Ghoajin through the day and until the evening feast learning more about my new trade. It was beginning to feel more natural to be here, less like purgatory or a trial and more like a home.
I kind of liked that feeling. I had a home with my aunt and uncle, but it was different knowing they had three children of their own already. I always felt a little like I was on the outside looking in. Here, I saw more of an opportunity to become a true part of their world.
Batu came to the feast, and his presence warmed me in a way the fire could not. The idea he was alive, that I had saved him … I had never experienced the profound sense of relief that went through me whenever the thought crossed my mind. I shouldn't feel so strongly for someone who had a perspective of the world so different than my own.
I barely glanced his way when he entered with several other men, but I was so aware of him, I found food and my goblet slipping through my hands. I had grown suddenly clumsy. No one around me seemed to notice, and even Batu appeared too busy with others to spare a glance at me.
When alcohol had begun to muddy the minds of those around me, I slipped out of the tent into the rain. It was cold and wet outside, and the night glowed with mushroom tents. Compared to the uncomfortable warmth of the crowded ger, the coldness was a temporary relief, one that wore off soon after I began wandering through the tents.
During the daytime, I'd been able to use the colorful scarves or strips of silk that marked some of the tents to guide me. At night, all of the markers were … dark. The rain soaked them enough that I wasn't able to tell many colors, either.
One step forward, five tents back, I said to myself. At least I had found my way to Ghoajin's ger earlier in the day. It was half a victory.
I huddled into my over tunic and began to shiver, lost and cursing silently at my luck.