I hesitated. My heart took off at his offer, and I didn't quite understand what had changed between the time before he fell ill and now that made him sleeping with me seem far less innocent than before. Nothing was different on the surface. I had had no time to explore my confusion or feelings to determine what I wanted in my new life.
But I also had no desire to be too far from him, to risk losing him again or failing to appreciate the small things that made life here so much richer than I had thought before. His family, the community of people who helped me save him - their warmth replaced the sparseness of their lives. I was starting to comprehend how he was so immersed in the day to day. He grew up knowing the danger that existed outside the encampment. Any time one of them left home, there was a chance he or she wasn't coming back.
Relationships, and the community, were more important than one person and his or her independence. It was an entirely different mindset for me, one I didn't think I'd ever fully adopt, but one I was also beginning to appreciate. And … I was going to stop fighting the need to feel unique in a world that already accepted me as I was. It helped that I felt like I'd proven myself worthy to be here by taking care of Batu and Temujin.
"Yes," I decided. "Both."
Batu climbed into bed with me. He didn't ask or hesitate before wrapping me in his arms and pulling me securely into his hard frame. What happened in the plague tent brought us closer together. I experienced the sensation of belonging when I was with him. Not that I hadn't belonged anywhere before, just that this was … deeper. We were so very different and yet bonded by the sense of intimacy our partnership created. It was comforting, gentle, and warm, like walking from a winter morning into a warm room.
I sighed, and tension melted out of me. The twinge of worry remaining from the plague tent wasn't likely to leave anytime soon. At least, not until I was convinced he was well. Exhausted, drowsiness swept through me the moment I closed my eyes.
"I think I can do this, Batu," I murmured sleepily.
"Do what?"
"I think I can make it here. Like, have a life and everything."
"Did you doubt this?"
"Yes. This place is so foreign to me. But I learned a couple of things while you were sick."
"Always thinking," he said and squeezed me to him harder. "What did you learn, ugly one?"