Pressing my back to his, I couldn't help wishing I could wake up to a hot bath in the morning to soothe my aching legs.
"Batu, do you regret not staying here and marrying the woman you wanted to?" I asked drowsily.
"I do not regret any choice I have made."
Of course not. What an ass. "I saw how you looked at her."
"What purpose does regretting a choice serve, goddess?" he responded. "It cannot be changed, and I made it with honor."
"But don't you feel anything?" I asked in irritation, sitting up to stare at him. "You cannot go through the world without feelings. It's not possible." He had issues expressing his emotions; this much I knew.
"I feel, ugly one. I do not let this control me." He twisted to see me. "You feel too much."
"I do not."
"It controls you, does it not?"
"It didn't use to." I shook my head. "You're right, I think. You're always right. I don't understand how it's so easy for you to just … live."
He chuckled. "What else would I do if not live?"
He was either being dense or didn't understand what I was trying to say. Either way, I was done for the night. "Sleep well, Batu." I settled back into the bed, my back to him.
"And you?" he asked, shifting. "Do you regret Taylor?"
"No. Yes. I don't know."
"You are peculiar, Moonbeam. How do you not know your own mind?"
"It's complicated."
He wrapped an arm around me, the way he had since the first night in the pup tent. I started to object - but liked being there too much to tell him to back off. He was warm, solid, and strong. He grounded me when I was tired, sick or scared of my new world. Relaxing into him, I lifted my head for him to shift an arm beneath my neck.
I liked it when he held me.
"How so?" He sounded drowsy. He pulled me into his heat.
"I don't regret meeting him. I regret the circumstances that placed us together, and I also regret …" making him cease to exist.
"These are not things to regret," Batu said. "This is -"
"- the nature of things. I know."
"You have a delicate heart. If you killed him, this regret I would understand. But you are not capable of taking a life."
I was quiet, staring at the fire in the middle of the tent.
"Moonbeam?" There was an odd note in his voice. "Why do you choose to be quiet now?"
"Because I'm tired."
"You did take his life."