“And why the luceria won’t fall off. Because you’ll never be as good as new.”
Her fingers slipped between the bars, so delicate and beautiful. He remembered just how they could make him feel, and he wanted her touch again so badly it nearly drove him mad resisting the need to step forward so she could reach him.
“That’s not safe,” said Drake. “Don’t make me force you to leave.”
Her head snapped around to glare at him. “Try and see how well that goes.”
Helen’s voice came from out of sight, but nearby. “He’s only trying to protect you.”
“Just leave us alone for a minute, will you? We deserve some fucking privacy.”
“I’m sorry,” said Drake. “That’s not going to happen.”
Jackie pulled a burst of power from Iain, and then waved her hand. Drake slid out of sight as if he’d been pushed.
“He’s right,” Iain told her. “It’s not safe for you to be around me.”
“Not you, too. I’m sick of hearing the bullshit. I want you to tell me what I need to do to save you.”
“There is one thing you could do.”
“Name it.”
“I need you to deliver a message to some men for me.” He gave her the names of the other men in the Band of the Barren. “Tell them that I sent you, what’s happened to me, and then tell them that the Band is compromised, and they need to go into hiding.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Just tell them. They’ll know what you mean.”
“How is this going to save you?” she asked.
“It won’t, but it may save their lives.”
“I’m not concerned about their lives. I’m worried about yours.”
“There’s nothing anyone can do to save me. You can’t bring my soul back to life any more than you could bring back the people who died in those caves.”
She flinched, her brows pinching together in grief. “Don’t say that. There has to be a way—some magical spell or something?”
“Dead is dead. We both have to learn to live with it. I’m just sorry that you’ll still be connected to me at the end. I’ll try to keep my thoughts to myself, but you may have to keep me out. It shames me to admit it, but I may not be able to control myself and keep from reaching out for you.”
A tear slipped down her cheek, but there was fury lurking beneath the sadness. “I won’t leave you to die alone.”
“I don’t want you with me then, Jackie. I don’t want you to feel the life drain out of me. It will haunt you forever. I’d rather you remember whatever it is you saw in me that makes you care enough to be standing here now.”
“Of course I care about you. How could I not when you’ve thought of nothing but the people around you since the night we met? You must have known that this could happen—that you could be locked up and sentenced to death. That’s why you were cold, shoving me away so I wouldn’t end up right here, angry and devastated that you’re just going to let them kill you. You haven’t done anything. You can’t let them do this.”
He bowed his head, unable to look at the hurt radiating out of her eyes. Only, even looking away, he could still feel it pulsing into him, pounding at him through their link. “It’s the only way now.”
“What? There was another way before? A better one? Because if there was, let’s do that instead.”
He reached for her, wrapping his hands around her fingers. They were cold, shaking. “I knew the only way to free you was for me to die. As soon as we went into the next battle with people there to watch over you, I was planning to end it.”
“You were going to kill yourself? That’s no option.”
“It was for me. It was an honorable way to go—one I’d chosen. Certainly better than being sent to the Slayers in shame.”
“I don’t want you to die.”
His fingers tightened around hers, trying to warm them. “You’ll be fine without me. You’re strong. Just promise me that you’ll stay away at the end. I don’t know how they’ll kill me, but I have to know that you won’t suffer alongside me. Promise me.”
She shook her head, making more tears spill out. “I won’t make this easy on you. I won’t make it easy on any of you. If you do this, you do it without my support.”
“It must happen.”
“It’s just more proof that I don’t belong in your world. How could I belong with people who kill their own because of what might happen?”
“If you’d seen what someone like me is capable of, then you’d understand.”
“I don’t want to understand. I just want to wake up and find that this was all a bad dream.”
His hands slid up her arms, cupping her shoulders. His eyes roamed her face, memorizing every little detail. He would put that picture in his mind when the time came, and let it comfort him. “Give me your belt and I’ll end it now, so you don’t have to suffer for as long as it takes them to get me to the Slayers.”
“My belt?” she asked, confused.
“They took mine. I have no sure way of killing myself in here.” He’d considered slamming his head into the concrete wall, but that was no guarantee of death. He had to do it right to limit Jackie’s suffering. If he simply maimed himself, she’d still be tied to him. Permanent brain damage could trap her for eternity. “Help me and this will all be over in a matter of minutes.”
A look of horror crossed her face and she pulled back, shaking her head. “I won’t help you kill yourself.”
“It’s what I want. I’d rather die by my own hand than by someone who now calls themselves our friend. Think about my future executioner. How would you feel if it was your job to kill someone you didn’t even know?” He couldn’t think of a way to make her understand that he didn’t want to tarnish what was a mostly noble life by causing others pain as his last living act.
“No.”
“Please. I want to end my life in the most honorable way possible. Help me do that.”
“I can’t. I won’t.” She turned and ran, the sound of a stifled sob echoing behind her.
Serena paced the room, her stomach twisting violently.
Iain had turned. The man she’d loved for so long was dead.
Her heart wept for what she’d lost. If only she’d ignored her mother and bonded with him sooner, none of this would have happened. She would have saved his soul.
Hatred for her mother coursed through her body, making her tremble with its power. For two hundred years she’d sat trapped in that bubble, unable to speak to anyone, catching only fleeting glimpses of the world as it passed her by.
She didn’t belong in this place. She understood none of what she saw around her, not the glowing tubes of light overhead, or the warm draft of air sliding through a grate in the ceiling. The table was carved from metal rather than wood, and she was almost certain that people were watching her from behind the large mirror in one wall.
Things were different now. Too different. Even the brief trip she’d taken from outside this castle to this room had shown her a world of wonders just waiting for her discovery.
She’d trade every one of them in for one single leaf clinging to Iain’s lifemark.
The door opened, and a large man with a hideously scarred face walked in. He offered her a smile, but the web of scars crossing his mouth twisted it into something ugly. She tried not to flinch, but her nerves were strung so tightly that she was certain she hadn’t covered her insult.
His smile faltered. “I’m Nicholas Laith. Joseph sent me here to release you.”
Instantly, she began to panic. She was in an alien world, devoid of the knowledge she’d need to navigate it. “Where shall I go?”
“Go?” he asked, seemingly confused. “You’re not going anywhere. I just meant that you can get out of this room now. You can stay here with us. I had a suite prepared for you.”
He opened the door for her to proceed, and led her out into a long hallway. “What are your orders regarding me?” she asked.
“Orders?”
“Your leader told you to come and fetch me, correct?”
“He said to make sure you were comfortable and to get you settled.”
“So I’m not a prisoner here?”
Mr. Laith shook his head. “No.”
“Then I can leave if I wish?”
He looked down at her, and despite his scars, his vibrant blue eyes were stunning. “Do you know how to drive a car?”
“I can ride. I can’t yet pay for a horse, but I promise you I’ll find a way to earn the money if you’d be so good as to extend a loan.” She hated riding, but she’d do what she must now. At least she was free to do so.
He smiled again, and this time, she was accustomed to the odd puckering enough that it didn’t startle her. “We don’t have horses. We operate motorized vehicles, and they can go a hundred miles an hour, so until you learn how to drive one, you’d likely kill yourself.”
Surely he was lying about traveling at such speeds.
Then again, he seemed completely genuine. “How long does it take to learn to operate one?”
“Depends on how chicken you are.”
She wasn’t getting anywhere like this. As much as she hated the dent to her pride, she had no choice but to be honest with him. “I can’t stay here. Iain…” She swallowed back her grief, trying to keep her tears in check. “I need to be alone to grieve.”
Mr. Laith’s mouth flattened, but she couldn’t tell if it was in sympathy or irritation. “It’s safe here.”
“I can protect myself. If you give me a sword.”
“This world is different from the one you left. How will you cope?”
“I simply want some solitude. To heal.”
“We have some cabins out back. They’re rustic, but solitary. I’ll have one of them cleaned up and prepared for you.”
It was likely as good as she was going to get for now. “Thank you for your gracious offer,” she told him.
Serena had always learned quickly. She’d set herself to the task of learning how to navigate these strange times, and then, once she’d learned to drive one of their motorized vehicles, she’d set out in search of a new life—one that would distract her from the pain of losing the man she loved.
Chapter 24
Jackie released Drake and Helen from the shield she’d put around them as she sprinted out of what she couldn’t help but think of as a dungeon. She raced up several flights of concrete steps, and ran into Joseph’s hard chest. He grabbed her upper arms and didn’t let go.
“The security camera caught what you did to Helen and Drake. You can’t go using your power irresponsibly like that.”
She looked him right in the eye. “Fuck. Off.”
His expression pinched with anger, but his voice was modulated and even. “You’re suffering. It’s understandable. I’ve already made arrangements for you to fly to Africa to visit Lexi for a few days. She misses you. The distance may help…mute your connection to Iain.”