Sleep was going to be impossible now. She didn’t have to close her eyes to know that images of stolen children and ravenous demons awaited her.
Something was wrong. She could feel it. Iain was hiding something, and despite her request that he stay out of her head, she continued catching herself using the connection she had to him to poke at his mind, seeking answers.
Every time she realized what she was doing, she jerked back and scolded herself for being such a hypocrite.
In those few, small glances she’d had, she’d felt anger—so much of it that it overshadowed everything else. She wasn’t sure what had happened to make him so mad, but whatever it was, he hid it well.
Which only served to make her wonder what else he was hiding.
Jackie found some fresh clothes sitting inside of her doorway. She didn’t know how they got here, but she was grateful for something clean to wear.
She stripped out of her clothes, pausing when she automatically moved to take off her necklace. Of course it didn’t come off, but it seemed odd wearing it in the shower—like she was toting a small piece of Iain along with her.
Then again, if he were here, she doubted she’d be thinking about much of anything beyond getting her soapy hands on his body. And if the man’s kiss was any indication, she wouldn’t be thinking at all—just feeling.
Even now, the mere memory of that kiss had the power to make her skin heat and her nipples harden. She wasn’t going to forget that anytime soon, no matter how much distance he tried to shove between them.
She made quick work of her shower, dressed, and went in search of a distraction. Being around Iain was too much stimulus, but being alone gave her too much space to think. Now that she was spoken for, she felt like she could leave her suite and go in search of food. No more hiding in her room for fear of who might grope her.
Even though it was well before dawn, Jackie found a few people gathered in the open dining and recreation area. People at Dabyr kept odd hours in support of the Sentinels, making sure the place stayed running, even at night.
An elderly woman sat sipping coffee and reading a book, alone on one side of the room. For some reason, Jackie felt an instant kinship with her, as if they were both able to be alone even when surrounded by people.
“Can I sit down?” she asked the woman.
“I assume your legs function well enough. Or did you mean to ask if you may sit down?” The woman’s mouth was painted red, with lines of lipstick fanning out into her wrinkles. A yellow pencil held her heavy bun in place at the nape of her neck.
Jackie tried to hide her grin. “May I sit down?”
“Please. Helen’s told me a lot about you.”
“You know Helen?”
The woman nodded. “I’m Mabel Hennesy. Miss Mabel to most people here. Your sister and I have been friends for a few years. She brought me here.”
“Helen made you live here?”
“At first there was a bit of a fight, but I find it suits me. It’s nice to be teaching again, though after all those years, I wouldn’t have thought I’d miss it so much.” She marked her place in her book with a silk ribbon and closed it. The pages were thick and yellow with age. The cover was worn leather, stained dark by the touch of many hands. There was no title, only an embossed tree sprawling across the cover.
“You teach? Here?”
“Someone’s got to pound some sense into those teens’ heads. I don’t need my walker anymore, but I make sure the troublemakers know I still know how to use it.”
Jackie wasn’t sure what she meant, but it seemed rude to ask, so she let it go.
“I haven’t seen much of you since you came to live with us,” said Miss Mabel. “Helen said that Logan and Tynan weren’t able to take your memories of what happened away, like they did with the little ones.”
“I didn’t let them. There’s no way I’m letting anyone else have my blood.”
“Oh, it’s not so bad having an attractive man put his mouth on you. You should try it sometime. Made a world of difference for me.”
The only attractive man whose mouth she didn’t mind touching her was Iain, and they both knew that that wasn’t going anywhere. “I think I’ll pass.”
A young, blond teenager came by the table with a small notepad. She set a glass of water in front of Jackie. “Do you want something to eat?” she asked.
“Sure. Whatever you have is fine.”
The girl listed several choices, and Jackie picked one, not really caring what it was. She was hungry enough to eat anything, which hadn’t happened in a long time.
Miss Mabel lifted her cup. “I’ll take a warm-up when you swing back by. And then you need to get back to your room and study. There’s a secret pop quiz on chapter seven tomorrow.”
The girl smiled at the tip, and scurried off.
“She’s so young,” said Jackie. “What’s she doing working in the middle of the night?”
“It’s her turn to work the night shift. I make allowances for the kids’ schedules, but they all have to learn to step up and take responsibility. This place takes a lot of effort to keep running, and we all have to earn our keep.”
“But she can’t be more than fifteen. She needs her rest.”
“She makes do. Besides, she doesn’t sleep much these days—not since her family was killed and eaten last year.”
Jackie swallowed hard, her appetite fading by the second. “That’s horrible.”
“No more horrible than what you suffered, I’d wager. All the kids here have their share of nightmares. Sad truth is, they’re the lucky ones. The Sentinels found them in time to save them.”
Just like they’d saved her. And yet, here she was, refusing to help them find Murak for fear that it would force her to go back into a cave.
What about the kids that were trapped underground right now? Would they be found in time to be saved? Or would they be like so many others, dead before they’d even had a chance to really live?
“You okay, child?” asked Miss Mabel. “You went all pale.”
“I’m okay. I’m just trying to make sense of things.”
“What things? I’ve been here a while. I might be able to shed some light on the subject—whatever it is.”
Jackie sipped at the water, feeling the chill of it slide all the way down. “I don’t want this life. I don’t belong here.”
Miss Mabel nodded toward the luceria. “Seems to me you fit in just fine.”
“This is just a temporary fluke—something I had to do to save a man’s life. Once it comes off, I don’t plan on putting another one on again.”
“Are you sorry you did it? Are you sorry you put it on?”
“No. Of course not.”
Miss Mabel nodded. “See. There’s your answer.”
“I don’t see anything, especially not an answer.”
The older woman sighed as if dealing with a stubborn pupil. “You were willing to change your life to save the life of another.”
“Yes. So?”
“So, you’ve already made the choice once and didn’t regret it. All you have to do is make that same choice and you won’t regret that, either.”
Jackie shook her head. “I don’t follow your logic.”
“It’s simple. You’re not the kind of person who walks away from responsibility just because it’s hard. I’ve heard about what you did for the women in those caves. My guess is you did the same thing for the kids.”
Jackie looked away, not wanting to think about that time. It was too grim, too disturbing to have in the foreground of her mind. “Please, don’t.”
“My point is you’re a good person. You put the welfare of others before yourself. If you walk away from a job only you can do, you’ll never forgive yourself.”
“I’m not the only one who can do it.”
Miss Mabel gave her a disbelieving glare. “You know that’s a lie. You’re special. You might as well get used to it.”
“I don’t want to be special—at least not like that.”
“And I don’t want to die before I finish reading every book on the planet. We can’t have everything we want. Heck, half of what we want isn’t even good for us.”
“I can’t go back there,” whispered Jackie. “I can’t face that darkness again.”
“Sure you can. There’s some child out there right now, praying for a miracle. I hate to be the one to deliver the news, but you’re that miracle. You have to be. No one else knows what you do and has the power to act on that knowledge.”
The girl came back and laid a plate of pasta in front of Jackie, who stared at it like it was some kind of alien text.
“Is something wrong?” asked the girl.
“No, dear. Everything’s fine,” said Miss Mabel. “Jackie here is just having a moment. Let her work through it in peace.”
The girl wandered off, glancing over her shoulder as if expecting Jackie to fall over.
“I’m not having a moment,” argued Jackie.
“Sure you are. You’re sitting there, deciding to do the right thing.”
“You don’t know that.”
“The hell I don’t.”
Irritation made Jackie’s words clipped. “How can you possibly know that?”
Miss Mabel’s red mouth lifted in a sad smile. “Because I’ve spent a lot of time with the people who came out of those caves with you alive. They talk about what you did, said you always did the right thing, even when your choices were impossible. You’ll do it again now, because that’s who you are.”
“You don’t know me. We’ve never even met before tonight.”
“No, but I know the body of your work, and there are several of those warm, tiny bodies safely asleep in their rooms tonight because of you. I have no doubt that you’ll stay true to form.”
Miss Mabel got up and left, taking her book, but leaving her declarations behind, hanging in the air.
Jackie was no hero. She’d done what anyone would have in her situation. Miss Mabel was wrong. And even if she was right and Jackie had been some kind of saint, then it was time for a vacation.
Wasn’t it?
She stared out the huge windows, acutely aware of the life outside these walls passing her by. That was where she belonged. At least she wanted to believe that was the case.
She toyed with the luceria, sliding her fingers over the smooth band. It seemed to have its own living heat, vibrating slightly in response to her touch. She kind of liked it. Not that it mattered. Any second now, Tynan would patch Iain up and the luceria would fall away. She’d be back where she started, with men falling over themselves to get a chance to touch her.
Unless she gave Iain a new promise—one that would last a bit longer than only a few hours. Maybe one that would last long enough for her to kill Murak for daring to go after Autumn.
The mere idea of going back into the caves scared her to death, while at the same time it filled her with a vengeful thrill. Payback was the least those demons deserved. And who better to inflict a little justice on them than her?