Ty put the cigar to his lips and inhaled slowly, his eyes losing focus as he stared out at the lights of the city. He couldnt tell Zane what Nick had actually said. When Ty got tired of waiting for Zane. It revealed too much about Ty and how well he knew his plodding partner, how long he would just hang around and wait. Zane should be allowed the delusion that he still had secrets, right?
He looked up at Zane guardedly. His cheeks flushed, and a wave of inexplicable loneliness coursed through him. “He just said I knew where to find him.”
When Zane flinched, Ty caught a glimpse of emotion flashing across his face. It could have been pain, but it could just as easily have been anger. Or jealousy. Or Tys own drunken imagination. It didnt make Ty feel any better.
“Youve been friends a long time,” Zane finally said, his voice noncommittal. Ty hung his head, his eyes closed as he puffed on the cheap cigar. He had agonized over whether to tell him, and Zane didnt really seem to care one way or the other. That, or he was hiding his emotions behind that same damn mask, and what was the point? Would he ever get to a point where he could just be with Ty and not hide anything?
“Yes, we have,” he finally murmured sadly. Ty stayed where he was, sitting on the lower step with his head hanging, afraid to move or open his mouth again for fear of what he might do or say. He had put so much of himself on the line these last few weeks, getting so little in return. Less than nothing, really, since hed lost an old friend and gained a myriad of new problems.
When Zane shifted his weight and pulled the screen door open so he could walk back inside, leaving Ty alone on the stoop, Ty couldnt let him go. Dammit, he needed someone to let him be weak just once, someone to let him break down.
“Zane?” Ty said shakily, his voice agonized and miserable. He breathed in deeply, trying to regain control of his emotions. One thing he did know for certain: he would get on his knees and beg Zane not to leave him alone tonight. He let out a gust of air, and when he spoke, his voice was calm. “I know I smell like cheap beer and cigar smoke,” he told Zane as he stared out into the night. “But I just….”
He lowered his head and closed his eyes in embarrassment, unable to finish the request. For a moment there was silence, and then the creak and snap of the screen door shutting. Zanes shoes scraped on the concrete of the stoop. He stood there, waiting. “You just what?” he asked, his voice rough in the still night air.
Ty turned his head, breath catching. His buzz was long gone, and his body was left trembling with nerves and emotions that he usually ignored or avoided. He could feel his breathing, uneven and difficult, and he knew his heart was absolutely pounding. He thought maybe Zane would be able to feel his racing pulse if he got any closer.
So many times hed held his tongue, embarrassed to open up to Zane. So many times hed chosen to be the hardass, the one who supposedly didnt feel anything, the rock for Zanes more volatile mood swings. It had worked for them. It had worked for him. Now it seemed like the house of cards was crashing down around him, and he was just as tired of hiding himself as he was of Zane doing it.
He closed his eyes and took one deep, calming breath, then stood and turned to look at his partner. “I really need a friend tonight, Garrett,” he said roughly, determined to keep himself from breaking down, at least for tonight. At least until Zanes sight was back and they could put this chapter behind them. “You think you can handle that for me?”
After a moments pause in the silence, Zane took a step to the side, pulled the screen door open, and held out his hand. T HEYlay curled on their sides, Zane behind Ty with his arm over Tys waist as he waited for his breathing to slow and his pulse to calm. Ty had shocked him tonight. Scared him.
Coming out to his Recon team—and then admitting he was in love—Zane couldnt even imagine what kind of pressure Ty had felt. And on top of that, admitting who he loved? Zane was sure that hadnt gone quite as well as Ty had glossed over. They were his best friends, but hed kept a pretty major secret from them for a long time, and the man he said he loved was a stranger to them. Not the best of situations.
And Nick. Nick, whod invited him to dinner with the rest of the Recon team. Nick, who had been Tys best friend since boot camp, who understood what Ty had lived and how to deal with him. Who had heard about Zane and made his own move to give Ty an alternative.
Zane knew why. As he tightened his arms around Ty and pressed his forehead to Tys shoulder, he knew why. Zane had wanted Ty since hed met him, and every time chaos had crashed down on them—separation after the Tri-State case, Tys near-death experience in the mountains, the danger on the cruise ship, even Ty telling Zane that he loved him—that attachment had grown more intense, despite every doubt and fear and weakness Zane took into consideration.
But Nicks attachment to Ty might be even stronger. Zane didnt think he could bear to lose Ty now. He loved Ty. Painfully. Desperately. But now wasnt the time to finally get his head out of his ass and admit it, not after what Ty had said tonight. Ty would see it as a reaction to external pressure, not an honest feeling from the heart, and Zanes words would be set aside like the first time he had said them, slow dancing in Tys arms.
As his unseeing eyes burned, Zane thought very seriously he might cry.
Chapter Twelve
T HE next morning was a Sunday, and Ty headed to the hotel to say goodbye to Nick and the others. It was time for them to leave, and though Ty hadnt been able to spend much time with them, there was just too much going on for him to feel good about them staying in town. Not to mention the ramifications of his confession. Owen wouldnt speak to him, avoiding him under the auspices of last minute packing. Tyd had trouble looking Nick in the eye, but he had forced himself to do it, recognizing the same awkwardness in his best friend.
“Ty,” Nick said uncomfortably when he pulled Ty aside. “Im sorry. What I did, it was shitty and selfish, and I wish I could take it back.”
“Dont worry about it,” Ty told him, wishing Nick would just pretend it had never happened, like so many of the other things they never spoke of.
Nick shook his head. “I just—I need… to tell you this, okay?” Ty nodded with trepidation, wondering what could be harder for Nick to say than anything that had happened last night.
“Ive loved you since the day you sat next to me on the bus to Parris Island,” Nick blurted.
Ty blinked at him, unable to do anything more. “And I was going to tell you when we finished our last tour. I planned it out every night in my head.” Ty started to speak, but Nick stopped him. “But then the helo went down. And… what happened to us….”