“It’s not a wash,” Chance said then. “You got the info we came for.”
“That would help if I remembered any of it,” I muttered.
“I’ll fill you in.”
He did.
As it turned out, the Dohan had taken Shannon because they wanted Sheol to change. They wanted greater access to the human realm due to their particular appetites. Demon blood permitted them to survive, but it was like eating wheatgrass when you wanted chocolate cake. The Drinkers had thought if they brought my best friend here, I would follow. And then the queen would ascend, taking her place ruling over the castes, and she would regulate gate use, as she had done in ages past. Being the favored children who had been instrumental in drawing her back to Sheol, they would, of course, benefit from her triumphant return.
“At least,” Chance went on, “that was the initial plan. But the Hazo threw a wrench in the works.”
“Yeah, I was wondering why they gave Shannon away.” I wrapped my arms around him, desperate to warm the chill inside me. “I mean, maybe they just wanted to get me here and they didn’t care what happened to her after that. And so they gave her to the Hazo to play with?”
The tears came. I felt so weak right then, so broken. It seemed like it’d be par for the course if Shan was suffering in my stead, if Caim tortured her with all the anger I’d instilled. He couldn’t expect to get revenge on the demon queen, after all.
“That’s not why.” He stroked my back in soothing strokes while I cried. I’d never done it gracefully or prettily, but we were so far past any of that at this point.
“Then tell me!”
“Apparently there was some old debt between the castes. The Hazo demanded Shannon in payment.”
“Because Caim wanted to be sure he got to see me again,” I said bitterly.
“That’s what Azon thinks anyway.”
I nodded and managed to stop the waterworks. “We have unfinished business. But I wonder why the Dohan kept her in the Barrens instead of bringing her here.”
Chance smiled, but it was a little unnerving, full of love, but also…fear. “She asked that question too.”
The bile rose again. This time I couldn’t stop it. I puked into a decorative urn. He didn’t approach me, a fact for which I felt thankful. Afterward, I staggered to the bathroom and rinsed my mouth repeatedly. Above the basin, I stared at the woman in the mirror. She had dyed red hair with tawny streaks and a pale, thin face. Below her eyes, she had deep bruises, as if she hadn’t slept in weeks. This looked like a woman on the edge, as if she were about to break for the last time. And maybe I wouldn’t have minded so much if the final fracture didn’t mean losing myself forever.
“Tell me the truth,” I said, coming to the lavatory threshold. “Are you hanging in because you promised you would? Because you don’t want to let me down?”
He laughed softly. “Do you think I’m the kind of guy who keeps a promise beyond all common sense?”
“Maybe.”
“Uh-uh. My mama didn’t raise a fool. I believe we can save Shannon, keep you from going all demon queen forever, and get the hell out of Dodge.”
“Nothing like dreaming big.” But his optimism was contagious. “No matter how long the odds.”
He flashed his beautiful smile. “Hey, I’m the king of long odds, baby.”
Yeah, you are. I’m not. I’m the queen of coming up snake eyes.
“That’s certainly true.”
“Once, I’m sure you would’ve said there was no way in hell you’d ever give me a second chance. Yet here we are.”
I grinned back. “In hell. Yeah, you’re a funny guy.”
The love in his tiger’s eyes wrecked me. “I’ll play the clown if it keeps you smiling. I’ll even be the queen’s jester.” There was a shadow in his face that made me wonder just what the hell had passed between him and the queen while I was locked in an airtight box in my own head.
“Don’t say that.”
“Can’t help it,” he whispered. “Haven’t you figured it out yet? There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
Hearing that should have felt amazing. I should’ve been on top of the world and flinging myself into his arms. Instead, a chill ran down my spine. Don’t love me like that, I wanted to scream at him. It’s not safe. It’s not wise.
“Something’s different,” I said. “What did she say to you?”
Before Chance could reply, Greydusk tapped on the door.
“Come in,” I called.
It wasn’t until after I spoke that I realized I shouldn’t have known. But I felt him, as if his essence were bonded to mine…like a queen who monitored her minions. The realization sickened me. Her dark tendrils sank deep into my spirit, undercutting my personality and resolve. Soon there would be nothing but echoes where Corine Solomon had been.
“You’re human again.” Disappointment flavored the demon’s tone, and that rocked me.
I had started counting on Greydusk as a true ally, but he served me only because he wanted the dark queen’s favor when she ascended. Destroying me. That meant Greydusk wasn’t mine. He was hers. Much more of this and I’d go crazy.
“If I said I’ll stay, after we save Shannon, how would you feel?”
“Relieved,” Greydusk said at once. “Sheol needs you.”
“Needs her, you mean.”
The demon gave me a unsettling, toothy smile. “That’s semantics, Binder. At this point, you’re as much hers as your own.”