What a big, f**king lie.
His gut wrenched as he dragged his gaze away from her. He was growing too close, too fast, and this morning’s sex had made the situation worse. Not only had he lied through his teeth about servicing her—hell, he’d probably needed her more than she’d needed him—but the haunted look in her eyes when she’d brought up her father had been like an icepick through his heart.
There was a painful story there, and he had a feeling it was related to the darkness, the guilt, he sensed in her, but he didn’t want to know. Didn’t want to string her up as he had the females in his past in order to draw that darkness out through sex and pain. As long as she tried to keep it buried, he’d be okay. The moment she decided she wanted to open up about her past, the moment she decided she wanted to be rid of her guilt or whatever was staining her soul, he’d be forced to do whatever it took to extract it from her.
The thought made him queasy.
And what the hell was up with the lack of the mate-markings? Even after the second try this morning … nothing.
This was so not good.
E walked up to him, his concern obvious in his drawn brows and the tight set of his mouth.
“Where’s Wraith?” Shade asked. “I figured for sure he’d want to be here to drill me.”
“I sent him with Kynan. Told him you didn’t need both of us drilling you.”
“Bullshit. Wraith wouldn’t buy that.”
Eidolon grinned. “He didn’t. But I explained that I know what it’s like to have a mate, and I’d know how to deal with you. I told him anything he said would send you running for the hills and we’d never see you again.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
A grim scowl replaced E’s smile, bringing them both back to the place where Shade was royally f**ked. “I know that. But he doesn’t.”
“Is he okay?”
“He’s rattled. He’s doing his best to deal with the Roag thing, and Skulk, and you being in the situation you’re in, but he’s taking things a little too well.”
“Which means it’s only a matter of time before he blows.”
Eidolon dragged a hand through his short, dark hair. “You didn’t say anything about Runa not being marked.” When Shade shrugged, E continued. “Can she sense you? Or is this bonding one-sided?”
Shade glanced through the door window at Runa, who was smiling at the lab tech as he held her arm steady for the blood draw. Mine. Shade swallowed hard. Rage and jealousy had made a fine blockage in his throat.
“Frank’s touching her. I should have done the draw. I still can—”
“Shade? Look at me.”
He wrenched his eyes away from Runa and Frank.
“Why didn’t you get the blood samples yourself?”
“Because I’m trying to keep my distance. But his hands are on her. I’m going to kill him.”
“It’ll get easier, bro. As the bond settles, the raging jealousy will ease up. Won’t go completely away, but it’ll get better. If it didn’t, I couldn’t have let Tayla keep working with men at Aegis headquarters.”
“Let her? Something tells me you wouldn’t have been able to stop her.”
E looked a little sheepish. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
Shade sucked in a shaky breath and avoided looking through the window again. “The bond is one-sided. I don’t get it. I know we did it right the first time. And today I repeated her part of the ritual.”
“This could be a problem.”
“No shit.” Shade braced a shoulder against the wall, welcoming the support. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
Shade hesitated. Talking sex with his brothers had never been any different from talking sports. But this felt awkward and wrong, as if he were betraying Runa.
“Is sex … different for you since you took Tay as your mate?”
Eidolon’s brows shot up, and a knowing grin split his face. “Oh, yeah. Much better. Definitely a perk of the bond.”
“I was afraid of that.”
There was a brittle silence. Finally Eidolon said, “We’ll find a way to get you out of this. Both the warg thing, and the curse.”
Shade laughed bitterly. “Even if we find a cure for the lycanthropy, the curse isn’t going to end well.”
“There’s got to be a way. Something we missed.”
“We’ve been looking for almost eighty years, E. There’s only one way out, and it’s not an option.”
Yeah, the fun little love curse came with an out clause that was as demented as the prick who dreamed up the spell in the first place.
Shade could transfer the curse to a loved one, someone he cared about in a nonromantic way. Which left only Eidolon and Wraith, and that was not going to happen. Even if he did decide to transfer the curse, he had no idea how to go about doing so.
An orderly pushing a cart with his tentacles passed by, and once he was out of earshot, Eidolon said, “Are you in danger of falling for Runa anytime soon?”
Shade closed his eyes, as if doing so would block out the truth. “No,” he lied. He didn’t want to freak out his brothers, and saying yes would put Runa in immediate danger.
“I know you don’t want to kill her, but there might be another way.”
Shade’s eyes snapped open. “What?”
“We can keep her here. Or somewhere. A special room where she’ll be comfortable. You can go to her when you need to—”
“You want to keep her caged like an animal? Like an Orgesu?”
“Shade, if she isn’t bonded to you, she can take off. Go anywhere she wants, screw anyone she wants, and where does that leave you? A strung-out beast trying to track her down before you die. Even if she were bonded, you can’t be together. You’ll fall for her. It’s inevitable. Then we lose you and you’re stuck in a fate worse than death.”
Way worse. He could picture himself as nothing more than a phantom, floating around with no way to communicate with anyone, no way to touch anyone. Stuck in a permanent state of starvation, thirst, and pain from unrelieved lust, he’d go insane. Hell, insanity was a family trait, and he was halfway there already.
“I can’t keep her as a sex slave, E. I can’t make her live out her life alone except when I come to her a few times a day for a quick f**k.”
“I’m giving you an alternative to killing her.”
Shade glanced through the lab door window, trying to imagine Runa locked away, alone in a room with nothing but maybe a television and some books to keep her company. Would she waste away, fade into a listless shell with nothing to live for as her bright spark fizzled? Would she just lie there as he took her, her empty eyes staring at the wall until he finished? Or would she grow angry and bitter, becoming a rabid beast he’d have to rape in order to get what he needed?
Gods, he wanted to throw up.
As though she felt his gaze, she turned, flashed him a little wave with one hand as she held a cotton ball over the needle puncture with the other. Frank said something that made her laugh, and she turned to him, her smile innocent and flirty all at once, and Shade wanted to barge in there and crack open the bastard’s skull.
“Fucking Roag,” he snarled. “Man, I want to make him bleed.”
“We all do.”
“Really?” Shade whipped his head around. “Do you really? Because you and Roag were always tight. You never saw the bad in him.”
Eidolon blinked a couple of times, as if he couldn’t believe Shade had said that, and yeah, that was a low blow.
“Hey,” Shade muttered, “I’m sorry. I’m frustrated. And pissed. I shouldn’t be a werewolf, I shouldn’t be bonded, and Skulk shouldn’t be dead. Oh, and my neck burns.”
Frowning, E brought his fingers to Shade’s throat. “S’genesis. It’s coming. Any minute now.”
Naturally. He rubbed his eyes, wondering how he’d backed right up to a cliff edge so quickly.
Rotating lights on the walls began to flash, and the faint warble of ambulance sirens sent a jolt of adrenaline surging through Shade’s veins. It never failed to amaze him how, when E first proposed building a hospital, Shade had resisted, having no desire to help anyone. But he’d quickly grown addicted to the excitement, the rush that came with every emergency.
He knew Eidolon was feeling the same thing, would be jonesing to sprint to the ER and take command of whatever was going to be exploding through the doors.
Shade scrubbed his palm over his face. “I need to get back to work.”
“You sure?”
“It’ll take my mind off things. Besides, who knows how my poor ambulances were being treated while I was gone?” He couldn’t leave Runa alone, though, not when it would be so easy for her to run away. “Runa can ride along on the ambulance runs.”
“As long as you think you can handle it.”
“I’ll work on the new duty schedule tomorrow and start runs as soon as the full moon phase is over.”
The lab door opened, and Runa stood there, looking adorable and lost, and he wanted to drag her into his arms and hold her. He was in so. Much. Trouble.
“Frank said I’m done.”
Frank. Not the lab technician. Or Mr. Williams. Frank.
This raging jealousy was not good.
Eidolon knew, clapped a hand on Shade’s shoulder. “It’ll get easier.”
“Whatever,” he mumbled. “You heading home?” When E nodded, Shade added, “You’re sure Wraith’s okay.”
“For now. Kynan is keeping an eye on him.”
“Kynan Morgan, right?” Runa asked.
Eidolon cocked a brow. “You know him?”
Runa bit her lip in that way she did that made Shade want to kiss her. “My brother knows him. I thought I recognized him earlier. From pictures,” she added hastily.