Deidre thought back. The events he spoke of occurred just a few months before, when Darkyn was attacking the Immortals and before Rhyn took over the Council That Was Seven. Once more, Gabriel was right. She recalled clearly the decision she'd forced him to make and kicking him out of her bed, the moment he resigned his soul to her to save his friend's life.
Her plan had been near its finale. She was plotting her return with a chain of events that ended with the human that bore her likeness being turned over to Darkyn. At the time, she had viewed it all as part of a process. Any pain she caused was going to be short lived and quickly fixed, when she revealed herself to Gabriel once more and told him they could be together. Though she couldn't recall the thousand-year process it took to reach this very place, she knew the end results.
"You couldn't be Death if I didn't have your soul," she said. "It was the last piece of the puzzle. I had to have it, Gabriel. I didn't mean to break you. I wanted you to understand what it was like to be a deity. Human emotion could only complicate that."
"Human emotion … you didn't have it before last week. How did you know it could complicate the role of Death? How is a sociopathic deity better at ruling the underworld than a compassionate human?" he returned with no heat. "You always thought my emotions were weaknesses. It was human emotion and compassion that made me your best death dealer."
She listened. Sometimes, she thought it made sense. At other times, it didn't, because her own emotions were too hard for her to control. She couldn't make important decisions while wrangling her feelings. Yet Gabriel managed to. He had done it every day he served her as her lead assassin and he was doing it now as Death.
The reality of his stark words made her wonder what he would've done in the same situation. What if he couldn't have been with her unless he gave up his underworld and power? Would he have taken a similar course?
"What would you do?" she asked. "I mean, if you had to choose between me and your world?"
"I did choose you. Every day, Deidre. Even after you rejected me," he replied. "Until you took my soul a few months ago, I was there because I loved you and for no other reason. I could've walked away at any time. I would've spent every day with you, if you hadn't done what you did."
Her tears rose again. He was serious. He did love her. But no longer, because she'd been trying to make sure she never lost him. How much easier would it have been, if she simply accepted his love and walked away from the underworld? They could've both gone somewhere else entirely, wherever they wanted to go, without the underworld crumbling or the pain Gabriel was in.