Once I was there, I went over the meeting with him before we destroyed all the pictures I’d taken and received from Sunny. Just as we were planning out what he was going to say when he went in to meet with Deon and Luke tomorrow, my phone rang. Glancing down at it, I stared at the name for long seconds before I finally hit the green CALL button and brought the phone to my ear.
“Hey.”
Sniffling met me on the other end for a bit before her shaky voice choked out, “She’s going to be okay, right? You are going to find her, aren’t you, Kash?”
My eyes hit Mason’s, and I put the call on speakerphone before responding. “Yeah, Candice, we’re gonna find her. We’re looking for her right now, I swear to you we’re doing everything we can.”
“I’ve, uh, I’ve been thinking. Maybe I should still come to Florida, help you look for her. Eli, Mom, and Dad want to come too.”
“No.” Mason and I both responded at the same time.
“Candi, babe, that’s not the best idea.”
“Mase? But, but maybe we could help, you know?”
“Candice we’re doing everything we can to find her, we have a lot of really good people looking for her,” he said. “And being here might end up just being too hard for you guys because you’ll be faced with it every day. It’s constantly on the news, in the newspaper . . . it’s everywhere here.”
“But it can’t hurt to have more people looking,” she argued.
“Candice,” I said softly, “we’re not searching for her body. If we were, we would need more people. Right now, they’re hiding with her, so we’re looking for them. It’s different, and I agree with Mason, it would probably be harder for you all to be here.”
Her quiet sniffling turned into sobs and she cried out, “I just feel like I can’t do anything, and I’ve never been there for her when she needed me!”
Candice called me every day and we had this exact same conversation. I got calls from her parents just as often. Eli was the only one who called solely to get the details of everything that was happening before he hung up on me. To be honest, I think he blamed me for all of this too. At least I wasn’t the only one.
I looked up at Mason helplessly as Candice continued crying, and he grabbed the phone from my hand, took it off speakerphone, and walked away, talking quietly to her.
As much as I hated to say it, I couldn’t handle talking to them right now. I knew they were devastated, I knew they felt lost and helpless, but I was trying not to feel anything at all . . . and I had to stay focused on finding her. If I went back to making sure that they were all constantly taken care of throughout this, then I would go back to feeling like I couldn’t make it another day . . . another hour . . . another minute without her. The second I let myself feel all of the pain I knew was waiting just below this robotic mask I was wearing, I’d crumble, and I couldn’t afford to crumble right now.
I already had to see my parents, and they were doing worse than Candice and her family was. Because not only were they mourning Rachel’s loss every day, but they also had to see what I was turning into as a result of all this.
I waited on the couch until Mason came back into the room and handed me the phone.
“What’d she say?”
“They’re not going to come right now, and I made her put her dad on the phone. I advised him that even if—when . . . I’m sorry—when we find her, it wouldn’t be a good idea for them to come immediately, or possibly anytime soon. I told him that although they’d want to see her, she might not be ready to see anyone, and we’d have to be careful with her. I think he understood. I’m not sure if Candice and her mom will though.”
“Yeah. Thanks, Mason, I appreciate it.”
“No need for thanks, you know I’m here for you. And I know you don’t want to, but both our parents are waiting for us at my parents’ house. So let’s take my truck. We can go pick up Trip, and on the way there we’ll talk about what I’m going to say to Luke and Deon tomorrow.”
I ground my jaw, and Mason began pushing me toward the door.
“You can’t do anything more today, Kash. You’re waiting on word from Sunny, I’m gonna talk to the guys tomorrow, and you have been working nonstop since you saw Sunny over two weeks ago. You need to relax for a night. Just relax, maybe get some sleep, recharge, and go back to it tomorrow.”
“It’s not like this is just some job that I’m devoting my life to. I’m trying to find Rachel!”
He locked his door and shook his head slowly as he turned to look back at me. “I know, Kash. But with the way you’re going, if you find her, I don’t know what kind of guy she’ll be coming back to. I’ve never seen you like this, not even undercover. You’re changing, you can’t lose yourself in the process.”
“I’m doing what’s necessary. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”
12
Taylor
“DID YOU GET FOOD FOR EVERYONE?”
I stopped walking and held back a curse before turning to face Dominic and Marco. “You were all eating when I left, why would I bring you food?”
“Why would you bring her food?” Marco asked, his tone challenging.
“She needs to eat too.”
“No, what she needs to do, is get that f**king jackbooted thug boyfriend of hers to release our brothers. We need her to get some more evidence put together. Bring her to the lab later.”