He laughed.
"Anyway, I saw how Darkyn was created from a lowborn demon scorned by others because he was smaller. He had nothing but ambition. I saw how you were created from a seventeen-year-old boy who wanted nothing more than for your mistress to love you." She paused. "I saw what was between you and the original Deidre. Her plan didn't just happen when I was born. She really did create me. She waited thousands of years and worked with both Dark Ones to make it happen. Fate played a hand, too, as did Wynn. I don't think she knew they were working as much against her as with her. She had one focus: to be with you in a way you couldn't be together when she was Death."
Gabriel listened, tensing.
"I was meant to be …" Deidre cleared her throat. The emotions from watching the videos was almost too much. She fought back tears, not wanting to cry in front of him.
He glanced at her.
"Disposable," she managed. "Basically. Or would've been, if Darkyn hadn't decided to honor the informal deal he made with her."
"Gods," he muttered. "You were never disposable."
"Seeing the relative lack of consequence your life has in the grand scheming of deities and Immortals kind of makes you view things differently, Gabe."
"Sometimes when you look at a grain of sand in your hand, you forget that there couldn't be a beach without every one of them."
"That's sweet." She smiled. "I guess what made the biggest impression was watching you and her over the course of thousands of years. There was never a day when you didn't love each other. There were days when you hated the fact you did love her, and there were days when she almost walked away from you for good, because she hated that she couldn't control how she felt," Deidre continued. "But there was a never a day when you didn't love her and she didn't love you."
The truth was so painful. She wasn't sure how she got it out. It made her feel hollow. There was a part of her that wished it had been her she saw in the videos. But thinking it was disturbing. She wasn't certain if she felt guilt because of her relationship with Darkyn or if it was regret. Knowing what she did now about her destiny, would she have sought out a deal with Darkyn?
Her thoughts went to the good she might be able to do from Hell.
"I'm sorry, Deidre," Gabriel whispered. "You gave me hope when I was numb to the world. You don't deserve any of this."