Before she could react, his hands were gentle on her head, fingers massaging the tension from her. “You’re safe, here with me, and nothing, no one, can ever harm you again. You aren’t really blind at all, csitri. You’re in my mind and you can see and feel what I do. See how beautiful you look to me. Feel what you do to me, the pleasure you brought to me.”
His soft whisper calmed her as nothing else could. Behind the mask of petals, she closed her eyes and inhaled his scent. That male fragrance, so familiar to her, was as reassuring as his voice. Her heart continued to pound, but she didn’t lift her hands to remove the mask of petals.
“It’s still there, Dimitri,” she whispered, wanting to cry. “It’s never going to go away.”
“Of course not, sívamet,” he replied, his voice so tender, her eyes did burn. He removed the mask of petals and gently brought her to her feet. “Your past, like mine, shaped who you are now. That steel running down your spine, that incredible will and determination that allows you to do things no one expects—those attributes came from your past. It’s part of you.”
“A nightmare.” She laid her head on his chest for comfort, feeling she’d failed both of them. “My childhood was a nightmare.”
Instantly his arms swept around her, holding her tight to him, surrounding her with his strength and love. “Nothing in our future changes our past. You know that, Skyler. You’ve always known it. We talked of this moment happening. There is no right or wrong. No failure. We both expected it to happen. It is. That’s all.”
She let herself find a small smile. “Talking about it and having it happen are two different things, Dimitri. I wanted to please you.”
“You did please me.”
“I wanted to show trust. How could I be feeling happy, enjoying giving you pleasure and have my past creep into our private moment?” She looked up at him, unable to prevent the tears from swimming in her eyes. “I do trust you.”
That was the worst of it. She had let both of them down. How could she think Dimitri would ever harm her?
“You didn’t think I would harm you, Skyler,” Dimitri said, gathering her into his arms. He lifted her, cradling her trembling body close to his chest. “I wasn’t there in that moment.”
Her heart jumped. She gave a little shattered cry and buried her face against his neck. He hadn’t been with her. She’d lost him and panicked. Just that one act of aggression on his part and instead of feeling his familiar form—in a field of flowers holding his scent—her past still had such a powerful grip on her that she’d lost the man she loved more than anything. That seemed so much worse.
“I want to go home,” she whispered, feeling defeated.
It was as if those men, those terrible monsters from her childhood, had defeated her. They’d won. She’d let them come between her and Dimitri.
To her astonishment, Dimitri put her feet back on the ground. “You are home, Skyler. Wherever I am, is home. There is no more comfort in that house than there is here with me. No one has defeated you—or us. It is impossible unless we allow it.”
There was steel in his voice, and the butterflies in her stomach took flight. She threaded her fingers through his to gain courage. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He sighed. “Csitri, you’re hurting yourself, not me. Why are you so upset over something we knew would happen?”
“I didn’t really think it would,” she confessed, more to herself than to him. “Not once I committed to you. Every time we’ve made love it’s been so perfect. I honestly thought I could do anything because I do trust you, Dimitri.”
“You can do anything,” he replied. “What happened here is nothing at all. It will happen again and again at unexpected times and it’s perfectly all right. This is not a defeat. It isn’t a failure. It simply is.”
Skyler swallowed hard. Allowing his wisdom to sink past hurt was difficult, but his calm logic was difficult to ignore. He wasn’t upset with her.
She moved in his mind and all she could find was his love for her and the memories they’d made in the field. She could see the image of herself before him with the petals wrapped around her head, covering her eyes, kneeling in the field of flowers. She did look beautiful and sexy. Her body stirred all over again.
“I don’t know why I lost you.” That was the real problem. How could she have let him go out of her mind for even a moment? That was all it had taken, and she had allowed the monsters in.
“When we make love, the chemistry is very intense and powerful between us,” he said. He stroked a finger over her breast and watched her shiver. “The slightest touch and our bodies respond. That’s how it’s supposed to be, Skyler. Sometimes, when we’re really enjoying what we’re doing, we get lost in the act of it, in the doing. It feels good, so how could we not?”
“So I was thinking of myself, not you?” She tried to puzzle it out in her mind.
For months, long before she had committed to him, she’d thought about whether or not she’d be able to perform o**l s*x when the very idea of it terrified her. Whether she would like it. How to do it—could she actually please him.
She had loved giving him so much pleasure. At the same time, it had brought her pleasure. The field of flowers with his scent, the mask of soft petals, even kneeling before him with her hands on his thighs, feeling that heavy erection against her face, her mouth. All of it was sexy and wonderful. She had gotten lost in the moment, her own body on fire.
He shook his head. “You were definitely thinking of me, sívamet. Had another man crept into your mind I would have banished him immediately. I have always touched you gently. Reverently. Even when I become a little aggressive, you can feel my love in the way I touch you.”
She frowned. She hadn’t considered that, but it was true. She loved it when he was aggressive, but he was there in her mind, holding her to him. She had always felt surrounded, even protected by his love.
“Shift, Skyler. Let’s take to the sky. We can circle around together above the trees and head home. I want you to feel who you are. What you are. Carpathian. A formidable being without me. You have never needed me to be strong. In your own right, you wield more power than most. You are not insignificant or weak. You are Skyler. Dragonseeker. Mage. And most of all, that elusive mother of yours we know so little about, provided you with an indomitable spirit. That is your true self. We all have monsters in our past. We shrug them off as no consequences because we will never allow them to devour us.”