It was December now and a white blanket silenced the world outside. I stared out the window to welcome the quiet. The sliver of a waning moon peeked through the trees outside.
I did nothing but think of him for the past few months. Mortal emotions were useless. My inability to stop Dantalion's pain tormented me. So I could bind spells and evoke demons, I still couldn't free him from his curse. And why should I? He had me under a spell. I knew demons didn't bargain with mortal's material possessions. There was nothing I could have offered him anyway. Except my pain. And my sanity. And he took those from me ever since he came into my life. If this is the price of mortality, then what is the price of immortality? It appears less painful to die than to live a lie. I remembered Dantalion's words: "I come to you each night, of my own will, of mortal flesh during the three phases of the moon, but when the moon wanes in the sky, I go to her, the 'Succubus' that bears the seal as I, of eternal damnation.
Rolling over onto my side, I looked at the empty space beside my bed. I could still feel him there, beautiful, the jet black silk against my skin.
I stared into my vanity mirror, gazing into the reflection. My eyes looked sunken in and tears wouldn't stop.
"What's wrong with me?"
I stared again. At my hair, my face, my shoulders, my arms - trying to convince myself I was beautiful enough for him.
I applied a smooth layer of foundation to my pale skin, covering up my flaws as best as possible. Some powder, shadow, and a couple of layers of mascara finished off the mask. I brushed my long black hair and ran some smoothing gloss through it for shine. I felt completely numb.
My whole life revolved around Dantalion. Before he started visiting me in my visions, I had been devoted to the Craft. I had practiced since I was eight. My interest in religion came naturally to me. Obtaining a degree in Religion at Yale was what I thought was my destiny. Now, I thought differently. There was a deeper meaning to it all. There was something of my spirit that had always been free, but now it was consumed by something other than myself.
I stayed away from my friends, and buried myself in everything I could learn about demonology. Months without him in my life became an emptiness. I withdrew inside myself.
The winter snows didn't keep me away. I had to do it. I had to see if I could find him. I forced myself to get dressed and go out. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I hadn't had a phone call from anyone in weeks. Especially since I just left Erin, Lucia and Rowan there that night.