While Miss Cardigan went with her nephew to the door, I
remained standing by the fire, which could have witnessed to
so much done around it that night. I felt strong, but I
remember my cheeks had an odd sensation as if the blood had
left them. I did not know Miss Cardigan had come back, till I
saw her standing beside me and looking at me anxiously.
"Will you go and lie down now, my lamb?"
"Oh, no!" I said. "Oh, no - I do not want to lie down. I have
not done my studying yet, that I came to do."
"Studying!" said Miss Cardigan.
"Yes. I want something out of some of your books. I have not
done it. I will sit down and do it now."
"You're much more fit to lie down and go to sleep," said she,
sorrowfully. "Let be the study, Daisy; and take some rest,
while ye can."
"I shall have plenty of time," I said. "I do not want any
rest, more than I shall get so."
Miss Cardigan sighed - I had heard more sighs from her that
night than in all my knowledge of her before; and I sat down
on the floor again, to pull out again the volumes I had put
up, and begin my school work anew. As I touched them, I felt
how much had come into my hands, and fallen out of my hands,
since I took them up before, just a few hours ago. It would
not do to think of that. I resolutely put it back, and set
myself about getting out of the books the facts I wanted for
my work.
Miss Cardigan left the room; and for a time I turned
over leaves vigorously. But the images of modern warfare began
to mix themselves inconveniently with the struggles of long
ago. Visions of a grey uniform came blending in dissolving
views with the visions of monarchs in their robes of state and
soldiers in heavy armour; it meant much, that grey uniform;
and a sense of loss and want and desolation by degrees crept
over me, which had nothing to do with the ruin of kingdoms.
The books grew heavy; my hands trembled; yet still I tried to
make good work, and bade myself deal with the present and let
the past and the future alone. The "present" being represented
by my school day and my studies. Could I do it? The past and
the future rushed in at last, from opposite sides as it were,
and my "present" was overthrown. I dropped my books and myself
too, as nearly as possible; my heart gave way in a deep
passion of tears.