“Vi sent me food. Sweet of her. It was good—not as good as yours, but I’m thinkin’ you won’t be up for cookin’ after you wake up and we bust you outta here. Somehow Quinn got on the subject of the problems he and Libby had a few years back. He seemed embarrassed by it so I said that we’d been married a few years when I about f**ked it all up. And yes, I told him the blame landed square on me. I hadn’t thought about it in years, so I’m hopin’ that time in our married life is a blur to you…”
Carolyn had been bobbing along in the dark currents of her mind, her thoughts disappearing beneath the surface as soon as she had them. Then she’d hear his voice and pop back up, fighting the undertow. It wasn’t lost on her that she was swimming against the tide—but she’d never learned how to swim.
She flailed around until she latched onto the memory, praying it’d keep her afloat in this pseudo-reality for a little while longer because even bad memories were better than no memories at this point…
“Mama.”
Carolyn turned from the stove. She adjusted Colby on her hip and looked at Cord, playing with his barnyard animal set on the living room floor. “Whatcha need, sweetheart?”
“When’s Daddy comin’ home?”
Good question. As it was well past dark the man should’ve been home two hours ago. “I don’t know. Maybe something came up.” Lying to herself was one thing, but she didn’t want to lie to her son about why Daddy preferred to spend his evenings elsewhere.
Carson McKay, you are in for it when you stumble your drunken self home.
During the slow season, her husband spent a few evenings a week in town. Having a few drinks and laughs with other ranchers, guys he’d known all his life. Carolyn didn’t begrudge him that time. The man worked hard throughout the year and deserved to kick back.
But in the past, he’d always gone out with Cal. Since Kimi was seven months pregnant with twins, Cal went straight home to his wife every night.
Remember when Carson used to do that?
Yes. Even after Cord had been born he’d rather be home with them than chugging beer with his buddies, even for one night.
When had that changed?
During her second pregnancy. After his fight with his father.
Caring for Cord all day and the constant nausea and tiredness with baby number two had given her less energy for her husband. Carson’s weekly trip to the Silver Spur had changed into twice a week.
Then after Colby’s birth, in addition to taking care of a two-year-old and a baby, she tended their enormous garden, took on sewing projects for Maxine, and with Agnes’s encouragement, she’d become involved with Ladies Circle at St. Ignatius.
So the fact Carson could entertain himself seemed like a blessing. Then last year after Kimi returned to Wyoming, had a whirlwind affair with Cal, ended up pregnant and married and practically living next door, she spent her free time with her sister. Carson didn’t seem to mind, and even if he had she would’ve happily pointed out all the time he spent outside ranch work with his brothers.
But it hadn’t come up.
They’d been married seven years. They had a five-year-old, a three-year-old and—she placed her hand over her belly—another one on the way. Something she hadn’t told her husband because he hadn’t been around lately.
The sound of stomping boots brought her out of her woolgathering. She glanced over to see Cord reaching for the door handle.
“Whoa there, little buckaroo. What’s the rule?”
“Don’t go outta the house without askin’.”
“Right. So what are you doing?”
Cord’s sweet face formed a scowl. “Mama, I asked if I could go lookin’ for Daddy and you didn’t say nothin’.”
“Because I didn’t say no you figured that meant yes?”
He nodded.
She’d have to be much more literal with her boys from here on out. “Sweetie, your daddy isn’t close by.”
“Why not? Where is he?”
“I’ll call Uncle Cal and see if I can’t find out.” She kissed Colby’s forehead. “Play with your brother.”
Another scowl.
Just as she reached for the phone to call Kimi, it rang. Sometimes it was uncanny how much she and her sister had the same train of thought. “McKays.”
“Carolyn. It’s Francine. How are you?”
Not her sister, but the head of the Ladies Circle, calling to discuss the care packages they’d been assembling for missionary purposes. “I’m fine, Francine. How are you?”
A pause. “I’m doing well, thanks for asking. And I have…something that I need to discuss with you.”
She knew they needed another coordinator for catechism class, but she really couldn’t add another thing to her duties. “I’d be happy to talk about it next week after the meeting; right now—”
“Carolyn, dear, this has nothing to do with your volunteering at the church. This is personal. And I feel the need to preface this by saying I’m not telling you this out of malice or spite. This isn’t some two-bit gossip I’m passing along thirdhand. This is something I witnessed myself, just last night.”
“What?”
“I saw your husband with another woman.”
Her lungs and her vocal chords seized up, but somehow she managed to squeak out, “Where?”
“We had supper at the Silver Spur. I had to use the facilities and when I passed the back room, I saw Carson.” A pause. “With some woman.”