Christmas rolled around and they exchanged gifts, then he went to his father’s house and she to her parents’ house because their family situations remained at an impasse.
During the lull before calving began, Carson started hitting the bars three or four nights a week. He’d be gone in the late afternoon when she returned and he’d stay gone until after midnight. Sometimes he’d come home on his own. Sometimes Cal dragged him home, which always meant Carson had been fighting.
Even the passion between them had cooled. The only time Carson reached for her was in the middle of the night. She welcomed his hands and his body on hers, but after the time she’d tried to seduce him and he’d passed out on her, she’d been too gun shy to try again.
This wasn’t how she’d envisioned their life together.
She felt them drifting farther apart. She’d stopped buying her groceries in Sundance because she’d run into ladies from church circle, or the women she’d met from the bars and the dancehall who knew her husband was out drinking and fighting, while she, the dutiful young wife, stayed home. Their looks of pity shamed her.
When calving started, Carson all but moved in with Cal. Yes, she knew it was the busiest and most critical time of the year on the ranch, but she had no idea how long calving season lasted.
So she let him be. She cooked for him and cleaned for him and tucked him in on the couch those nights he was too drunk or too tired to stumble to the bedroom.
But the last straw was the night she’d gotten a phone call from the Weston County Sheriff informing her that Carson was in jail on a drunk and disorderly charge. He’d called Cal first to bail him out but his brother had refused.
That’s when she’d had enough. They’d either fix this or end it.
They made the ride from the jail home in utter silence. Carson had sobered up in the eight hours he’d spent behind bars.
As soon as they were inside the trailer she confronted him. “Jail, Carson? Really?”
“I didn’t start the fight.”
“No, but you didn’t walk away from it, either.”
“What’s your point?” he said coolly.
“I’m sick of it. You’re out all the time, drinking and fighting. When will you stop with the fighting?”
“When guys stop bein’ assholes.”
“So never.”
He glared at her. Then he said, “What do you care? You’re over at your folks’ place every damn day. I’m surprised you even noticed I wasn’t here.”
“I’m gone during the day but I’m here at night. Every night. But you head out to the bar before I get back.” She tried to contain her anger. “Do you do that on purpose? Because it’s such a chore to hang out with me and you’d rather be with your bar buddies than your wife? If you wanted to lead the partying and fighting lifestyle, why did you marry me?”
Another hard glare.
“What do you think people are saying, with you being out at the bars alone?”
“I don’t give a damn what other people think.”
“That’s apparent because everyone thinks we’re on the verge of divorce.” She swallowed her rising tears. “How long before you find some woman…or have you already—”
“Goddammit, Carolyn, don’t you go there. I made a vow to you and by God, I’m gonna keep it.”
“Why? We never should’ve gotten married because we’re both miserable.” She shook her head. “I can’t do this anymore.”
In an instant Carson’s hands were around her biceps and he loomed over her. “Don’t you even think about walkin’ out on me.”
“But—”
“No, you will talk to me before you take a single step toward that door.” He closed his eyes for several long seconds. “Please. Tell me what in the hell is goin’ on with you. I hear you cryin’ in the night, Caro, and it rips me in two. I hate that I’m the cause of them tears.”
“You’re not the sole reason for my tears, Carson.” She took a deep breath and asked God to forgive her for breaking a promise. “I’ve been keeping something from you.”
“What?”
“The reason I’m spending so much time with my mom…” Her voice broke. “…is because she’s d-dying.”
All the anger bled from his eyes. “What?”
“She’s been going downhill for months. I found out late last summer she had about a year to live.”
“Last summer?” he bellowed. “Why am I only hearing about this now?”
“Because that’s how she wants it.” She closed her eyes. “Thomas told me right before he left for Denver. My dad made me promise I wouldn’t tell anyone. Not my brothers, not Kimi, not my Aunt Hulda.” She looked at Carson. “Not even you.”
“How bad is it?”
“The arthritis has gotten into her lungs.” She blew out a breath. “She can’t go into a nursing home for a number of reasons.”
“So that left you, Carolyn the dutiful daughter, to see to your mother’s needs as she’s dyin’. And that lets your father off the hook to care for his wife on her deathbed. He can just skip off to work, knowin’ you’re shouldering the burden. And you’re keeping her secret from your siblings, which means they ain’t lifted a single finger to help you care for her, have they.”