After Cade left the next morning she phoned Mary. She had to have some place to stay until she found another apartment. Hopefully, she could get her job at the diner. Swallowing her pride, she dialed Mary's number.
When Mary answered, Cynthia stammered around about the weather and every other subject she could think of. But Mary wasn't fooled.
"What's the matter, Cindy?"
Cynthia pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose with an index finger and cleared her throat of that nauseating lump. "I need a place to stay," she finally blurted out.
"You're always welcome here. I told you that." She waited a moment, but curiosity got the better of her. "What happened? Did you get fired? I can't believe that."
"No, he didn't fire me, but I can't stay here any more. Not the way things are."
Mary was silent again for a few moments and when she spoke it was in a controlled voice.
"All right Cindy. Out with it. What happened? Did you two...?" Her voice trailed off suggestively.
Cynthia wiped a tear off her cheek and when she spoke, her voice didn't sound like her own. "You tried to tell me, but I was too arrogant to believe it could happen to me."
In chopped off sentences she explained the situation to Mary. "I don't know how it happened. He was always so... disinterested, and then all of a sudden... " She started to cry. "Oh, Mary. You were right," she sobbed. "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have come out here. I shouldn't have flirted with him. I put the idea in his head. I can't believe I actually... twice. I feel so ashamed. I'm such a hypocrite."
Mary's voice was compassionate. "Don't be so hard on yourself. After all, you were half asleep and thought you were dreaming. Remember, he woke you." Mary sighed. "It's probably the strongest urge you'll ever experience. What's worse, you were so naïve - and you love him."
"But after the first time, I should have known. I did know. I just convinced myself we were going to make it right. I rationalized myself right into his bed - right where I wanted to go. Am I some kind of a nymph? Am I completely lacking in self discipline?"
Mary was silent a long time and then she finally spoke. "Cindy, sleeping with Russ isn't the worst thing that has happened to you. Listen to yourself. You've lost almost all of your self-esteem. You're asking questions I can't answer. They're questions you're going to have to answer for yourself. Maybe it would be a good idea for you to stay out there a while and find the answers."