Had her mother been right all along? Dusty used her, overworked her, knowing she’d be thrilled with any menial job in the rodeo world because it was a connection to her father? Knowing she wouldn’t complain about the shit wages?
She’d never felt so betrayed. So heartsick. Her future was as much in shambles as the past she couldn’t get away from.
“Do you have any other questions?” Doc asked.
She shook her head.
“Look. I can get you on the docket Thursday for—”
“No.” Blindly, she stood. “I quit. Have corporate send my last check to the address you have on file. I should be there for a few more weeks until the lease on my apartment is up.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. So what if you can’t work in the EBS? The CRA doesn’t have the same rigid medical requirements. The CRA is happy to have you, Lainie. I’m happy to have you here.”
“Because of what I do? Or who I am?” She whirled on him. “I believed you hired me on my own merits. I moved here and worked another job so I could keep this one. For what? The hours suck. The pay sucks. The travel sucks. Everything sucks. Why didn’t I see that before now?”
“Lainie, you’re confused and hurt. I don’t blame you. But don’t make a rash decision and throw everything away until you’ve thought it through.”
“You’re damn right I’m confused and hurt. I have to take a good hard look at my life and I can’t do it while I’m looking at you.”
Surprise registered on his face. “What?”
“I see broken promises and outright lies on your face, Doc. I deserve better. I always have. So, no, I don’t need time to think it through. Maybe I’m thinking clearly for the first time.” She stumbled out of his office.
“Lainie. Wait.”
She didn’t.
Lainie climbed in her truck, her mind racing as she sped away. She’d never been unemployed. She could get her EMT job back. She could apply at a nursing home. She could return to the health club as a massage therapist. She could start over. But she didn’t want to do it in Colorado Springs.
Why had she been in a holding pattern for the last two years? Putting off making any decisions about her life and her future?
Because she was stuck in the past? Mourning her grandmother? Living her life in the shadow of a man she hardly remembered? Had she been deluding herself? Choosing to work in the rodeo world her father loved in some misguided attempt to feel close to him?
Enough. Get a grip on the here and now.
Problem was, Lainie had no freakin’ clue where to start.
Her grandmother’s voice drifted into her head. Sometimes getting on the right path takes a step back to see where you’ve been.
Once Lainie returned to her apartment, she paced until she mustered the guts to just pick up the damn phone and call her mother.
Sharlene answered. “I’ll admit I’m surprised you’re calling me, Melanie.” Pause. “Although I am really glad to hear from you.”
Lainie looked at the receiver as if it were playing tricks on her. “You are?”
“Yes. I’ve been really worried about you. And I hate it when we fight, even though it’s all we’ve seemed to do in the last few years. Are you okay?”
No. Stupid tears started again.
“Lainie?”
She swallowed hard at the soft, concerned way her mother said her name. “No, Mom, I’m not okay. You were right about Dusty. About the whole situation. God. I feel like such an idiot.”
“Oh, sugar bear, what happened?”
Sugar bear. She hadn’t called her that in years. And for the first time in years, Lainie found herself spilling her guts to her mother. About her job. About seeing the real rodeo world. About the hardships of life on the road. About her relationship with Hank. About her confusion over it all.
When she finished, Sharlene was quiet. Too quiet. Like the kind of stillness one felt in an animal about to attack and rip its prey to shreds. Lainie braced herself when her mother expelled a drawn-out sigh.
“Thank you for telling me. I’m horrified and sick to my stomach about what you went through. But I’ll be honest. If it were me? I’d sue the living shit out of both the EBS and Lariat.”
Lainie froze. No wonder Dusty had asked about her stepfather. He feared a lawsuit.
“But it’s not about me. And I’ve overstepped my boundaries with you too many times already. So my next question is, What can I do?”
Not the response she’d expected.
Maybe because you’re putting lousy expectations on your mother that she never deserved. Good or bad.
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do. I just needed to let you know. To thank you, I guess, for giving me an insight I didn’t have. Or I didn’t believe, is probably a more accurate statement.”
Her mother laughed. “We always seem to be at cross-purposes, don’t we? I never intended to hurt you, sweetheart, and it seems I always do. I know our relationship has never been easy.”
That was putting it mildly.
“There’s a lot I haven’t told you, or you’ve misunderstood. I kept hoping you’d come to me with questions, but you just closed down. Resented me. I know this will sound harsh, but I resented you for that resentment. I hated that you made assumptions.”
“Assumptions about . . . you?”
“Yes, about me. But also about your father. About what happened after he died.”