“So... Jackson, huh?” I hint, handing her coffee.
I turn around and pull a breakfast bar from the cupboard and unwrap it. She greedily drinks back the coffee.
“You didn’t make this hot enough.” She complains.
“Deal.” I shrug at her. I don’t make coffees often. “And don’t change the subject.”
“Jackson is a sweetheart.” She states, avoiding eye contact.
I overtly narrow my gaze to the purple love bite on her neck and stare at it until she comments.
“I didn’t say he was a saint.” She chuckles. “He’s different to the other guys I go for. We’re going out to dinner sometime soon to get to know each other better before we... you know.”
I almost choke on my granola breakfast bar. “Jesus, Selena is taking the time out to get to know a guy before sleeping with him. I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Shut up. We don’t all live on a narrow path, you know. Some of us like to explore the surroundings.”
I smile at her. Pulling her strings while she has a hangover is a favorite hobby of mine.
“I have work soon, so I’m going to shower and get ready. Do you need me to drop you home?” I ask.
“No, I’ll probably chill here until you get back.”
“Okay, but don’t go through my closet again. I don’t need new clothes. I like the ones I have.”
I stroll from the kitchen and hit the shower. I spend extra time in there just thinking... about Seth mostly. I want you to be mine and I plan on making you mine, but right now I’m not ready. So he has feelings for me, too? I’d say so. A giddy feeling rises in my chest and I can’t stop smiling. I can see Selena’s blurry head poke through the bathroom door. Somehow, the cool air made its way into the shower, sending a cold shiver down my spine. “Olivia?”
“Come in and close the door.”
She comes in, closes the door and slides down the wall. Her toes press against the glass of the shower. “Have you and Seth had sex yet?”
I frown and strain my ears to hear her over the pouring water. “No.” I answer curiously. “Why’s that?”
“Look, I know you recently broke up with Blade and you’re having fun and all that, but I think Seth is the last person you should be spending time with.”
I’m taken back by her words. “What makes you say that?”
“Well, I’m remembering snippets of last night...”
He words send tendrils of dread through my chest. “Yeah?”
“This girl came up to him. She claimed they slept together a few weeks ago—which he didn’t deny—and she was really trying to get back in, but he turned her down cold.”
I soap up my pink exfoliation sponge and begin cleaning my breasts and armpits, listening to every word she says.
“It was brutal, O. The girl left the club crying.”
“Yeah?” Little did she know, I’ve witnessed two girls come for Seth at the gym. I’d left too early to see what happened with the brunette, but the blonde left the gym crying. Seth said he doesn’t want to hurt me like that and I believe him. I don’t trust him, but I believe him. “You don’t need to worry, Sel. I know what kind of person Seth is and we have a mutual understanding.”
“I just don’t want to see him toss you aside like rubbish if you do decide you want to sleep with him, that’s all.”
“Thanks, Selena, but I think I have it covered.”
She climbs lazily to her feet and exits the bathroom. I finish rubbing the rough sponge over my body, unable to shake her words from my mind. It shouldn’t bother me because I already know what Seth is like, but what if she’s right. What if he doesn’t want me after we have sex? It doesn’t matter, I hold all the power. I refuse to have sex with him until I’m sure it’s exactly what I want—if he is exactly what I want.
My car makes a strange clunking noise when I turn the key. It’s like the engine wants to turn over, but can’t.
“Great!” I shout, banging my head against the hard steering wheel. “How the hell am I supposed to get to work now?”
A white sedan pulls up in front of my house and I don’t know if it’s a gift from God or the Devil himself as Blade steps out of the car and adjusts the collar on his green polo shirt. He spots me in my car and smiles, flashing me those boyish dimples. I can’t help but smile back as I exit my car.
“You look good.”
I look down at my deep violet dress. It’s one of my favorites.
“Are you about to go to work?”
I slam my car door and lean against it. “I was, but my car won’t turn on.”
His sneakers scuff the concrete as he walks closer to me. “I can take you, if you want.”
I chew my bottom lip. I don’t know if riding with Blade is a good idea, but—I glance around me—I don’t think I have a choice right now. I’ve done too much shit to Mason in the last two weeks and I can’t afford to not show up on time. “Um...” I ponder the idea of driving with Blade. “You’ll take me straight to work, right?”
“I promise.”
I slide my phone into the pocket of my dress and step toward him. “Fine, but we have to leave now if I’m going to get there on time.”
It’s like routine. Blade and I get into his car and I even put the handbrake down for him, like I always did. He notices too and smiles at me. It’s such a sweet smile and my heart tightens in my chest. I had no idea how much I missed Blade. His familiar scent fills my nostrils and I inhale. This is a stupid idea. He’s still Blade. I tell myself. He hurt you.
“Your mom tells me you went to a fight last night.” He says, making small talk. I hate that him and my mom are talking. “That’s a pretty big thing for you. Seth must be a good guy.”
“He is.” I reply automatically.
I watch my fingers as I rub them together nervously. Then, Blade’s hand covers mine. “I miss you, Olly.”
“Blade...”
“Just hear me out. We were together for six years, Olly, six years. That’s a long time.”
I pull my hands out from under his, but he leaves his in my lap. “And you it threw out the window for sex—lots of sex. What you did isn’t something that can be forgotten or forgiven.”
“I’m sorry, I fucked up.”
“You said that after the first time... and the second and the—”
“Okay so I’ve messed up a bunch of times, but believe me when I say that I’ve changed and it won’t happen again.”
How many times have I heard that? Countless. “I can’t—I don’t believe you.”
He takes his hand back and runs it through his blond hair. “How can I prove it to you? How can I make it up to you?”
“There’s no going back, Blade. I gave everything to you and you chose to take it for granted.”
“So that’s it?” Six years—gone, just like that?”
My chest constricts, pushing a massive lump into my throat. “Yes.” I cringe at the finality in my voice.
“I’m not going to stop, Olly. I need you.”
I close my eyes briefly, trying to slow my rapid beating heart. “I meant it when I said I don’t love you anymore.” I say when I open my eyes.
“And I call bullshit. I know you’re just trying to scare me straight and it’s working, but I love you... I won’t ever stop loving you.”
“It doesn’t matter, I’m with Seth now.” I reply, playing the Seth card again. “He’s yet to do anything to hurt me.”
“Olivia,” I jerk my gaze toward him. His grave tone makes me nauseous. “I ran into him and Selena at Heaven’s last night. He had his tongue so far down this brunette girl’s throat I’m surprised she didn’t gag, and you know how talkative Selena is when she’s drunk. She told me how much she hates me and that you’re not really with Seth.”
He rattles off all of the shit Selena told him—the roofie, the car park with Brent, Seth and that he hired my dad. I stare at the center console listening to his every word. I’m not shocked that Selena told him, that’s expected. She tends to run her mouth... a lot. I’m a little shocked that Seth would kiss the brunette girl. I frown, unsure if I should believe Blade or not. He isn’t exactly known for his honesty. Selena told me the brunette showed up, but she never mentioned anything about a kiss. She would’ve told me if she saw it... I know she would have. My only option is to confront Seth, but even then, do I have the right to? He stated clearly last night that he isn’t ready for a relationship and that’s fine because I’m not sure if I am, either. He said he wouldn’t hurt me... and I believe him. I think. In front of Blade I try to play it off as no big deal. I don’t want him to see that he’s upset me.
“You caught me. So I’m not dating Seth. I made it up to get you off my back until I clear my head and since Seth and I aren’t really together, he can stick his tongue in whoever he wants.”
Ahead, I see the sign for my work and I unclip my seat belt.
“I didn’t want to upset you. I just wanted you to know that he’s just like me... and you deserve better.”
My frustration peaks. His only mission this morning was to ‘break’ my heart. “Go spin your bullshit somewhere else, Blade. I’m not dumb. I bet you couldn’t wait to bring me the news that Seth made out with another girl last night. You’re up early, when are you ever up early?” In the last six years, Blade has never got out of bed before nine. It hurts to know that the only motivation he had to get out of bed early was to hurt my feelings.
I climb out of the car as he calls my name. I slam the door and my short heels clack rapidly against the concrete. When my hand comes into contact with the cool metal door of the office, he drives off. Inside, there are no patients (expected for a Saturday) and Mason’s head peers around his office door. His big, wide smile fades when he sees my expression. I guess I don’t look happy.
“Rough morning?”
I don’t make eye contact with him as I power up my computer. “Something like that.” I reply.
“You don’t want to talk about it?”
“Nope.”
“I’m here if you do.”
He disappears back into his office and I place my head in my hands before raking my fingers through my long, soft hair. What the hell am I going to do? I don’t feel comfortable bringing this up with Seth. I pull my phone out of my pocket and scroll down to Seth’s name. My thumb hovers above the ‘call’ button, but I can’t bring myself to press it. This entire situation could have been averted if Seth slept with me when I wanted and then left me alone. Instead, we burrowed our way under each other’s skin... and feelings have been developed. Those same feelings are currently hurt because Seth kissed someone else. I shake my head. I don’t know that for a fact. Blade plays dirty and he’s jealous. If I make assumptions and Blade lied, I’ll look like an idiot. My phone vibrates in my hands and Seth’s name comes up on my screen.
FROM: SETH. TIME: 8:37 A.M.
Lunch?
TO: SETH. TIME: 8:38 A.M.
Can’t. Car won’t start
And I’m at work.
FROM: SETH TIME: 8:38 A.M.
When is your break?
I’m coming to get you.
We’re going to lunch.
I feel like such a sucker when a smile pulls at my lips.
TO: SETH TIME: 8:39 A.M.
Break is at 11.
See you then.
Before I return my phone to my pocket it vibrates again.
FROM: SETH TIME: 8:39 A.M
Can’t wait. :)
Can’t wait... He can’t wait to see me. I feel all giddy and excited which in turn makes me feel stupid. Seth affects me. In seconds, he can make me angry when I’m happy and happy when I’m angry. I put my phone back into my pocket and drag a breath through my nose. I’ll ask Seth straight up about last night and act like it’s no big deal.
Waiting for eleven o’clock to roll around was torture, but when it finally came I wish I had more time to think about how I’m going to approach the subject.
“I’ll be back in an hour, Mason.” I call from my desk.
I rise from my chair as Mason strolls from his office wearing a nice, tan suit with a nice yellow tie that rests against his white shirt. His outfit blends nicely with his golden hair and light eyes. In his hand, he fidgets with the office keys.
“You going to lunch?” He asks, leaning on my desk. His long index finger strokes the corner of a loose sheet of paper.
“Yep.”
“Great, I’ll come with you.”
“Oh,” I say, rising to my feet. “I’m actually meeting someone.” The words are awkward on my tongue.
“Selena? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if I joined you two.”
“No, not Selena.” I straighten the bottom of my dress. “I’m having lunch with—”
I’m cut off as the door opens and Seth steps in looking as gorgeous as ever in a black tee that clings to his chest and arms like a second skin. His dark hair is damp and unruly, like he’s just run his fingers through it.
“Seth.” Mason states, finishing my sentence for me.
Seth’s jaw tightens. “Mason.”
My gaze shifts from Mason to Seth, from Seth to Mason. This is not happening right now. They do not know each other.
“It’s been a long time.” Mason clears his throat.