All this may have been deserved by Mr. Clifford, but it was scarcely

discreet in me. It gave him the opportunity which, I do not doubt,

he desired--the occasion which he had in view. It afforded him

an excuse for anger, for a regular outbreak between us, which, in

some sort, yielded him that justification for his refusal, without

which he would have found it a very difficult matter to account

for or excuse. We parted in mutual anger, the effect of which was

to close his doors against me, and exclude me from all opportunities

of interview with Julia, unless by stealth. Even then, these

opportunities were secured by my artifice, without her privity. As

dutiful as fond, she urged me against them; and, resolute to "honor

her father and mother" in obedience to those holy laws without a

compliance with which there is little hope and no happiness, she

informed me with many tears that she was now forbidden to see me,

and would therefore avoid every premeditated arrangement for our

meeting. I did not do justice to her character, but reproached her

with coldness--with a want of affection, sensibility, and feeling.

"Do not say so, Edward--do not--do not! I cold--I insensible--I

wanting in affection for you! How, how can you think so?" And she

threw herself on my bosom and sobbed until I began to fancy that

convulsions would follow.

We separated, finally, with assurances of mutual fidelity--assurances

which, I knew, from the exclusiveness of all my feelings, my

concentrative singleness of character, and entire dependence upon

the beloved object of those affections which were now the sole solace

of my heart, would not be difficult for me to keep. But I doubted

HER strength--HER resolution--against the pressing solicitations

of parents whom she had never been accustomed to withstand. But

she quieted me with that singular earnestness of look and manner

which had once before impressed me previous to our mutual explanation.

Like vulgar thinkers generally, I was apt to confound weakness of

frame and delicacy of organization with a want of courage and moral

resources of strength and consolation.

"Fear nothing for my truth, Edward. Though, in obedience to

my parents, I shall not marry against their will, be sure I shall

never marry against my own."

"Ah, Julia, you think so, but--"

"I know so, Edward. Believe nothing that you hear against me or of

me, which is unfavorable to my fidelity, until you hear it from my

own lips."

"But you will meet me again--soon?"

"No, no, do not ask it, Edward. We must not meet in this manner.

It is not right. It is criminal."

I had soon another proof of the decisive manner in which my uncle

seemed disposed to carry on the war between us. Erring, like

the greater number of our young men, in their ambitious desire to

enter public life prematurely, I was easily persuaded to become a

candidate for the general assembly. I was now just twenty-five--at

a time when young men are not yet released from the bias of early

associations, and the unavoidable influence of guides, who are

generally blind guides. Until thirty, there are few men who think

independently; and, until this habit is acquired--which, in too

many cases, never is acquired--the individual is sadly out of place

in the halls of legislation. It is this premature disposition to

enter into public life, which is the sole origin of the numberless

mistakes and miserable inconsistencies into which our statesmen

fall; which cling to their progress for ever after, preventing

their performances, and baffling them in all their hopes to secure

the confidence of the people. They are broken-down political hacks

in the prime of life, and just at the time when they should be

first entering upon the duties of the public man. Seduced, like

the rest, as well by my own vanity as the suggestions of favoring

friends, I permitted my name to be announced, and engaged actively

in the canvass. Perhaps the feverish state of my mind, in consequence

of my relations with Julia Clifford and her parents, made me more

willing to adopt a measure, about which, at any other time, I

should have been singularly slow and cautious. As a man of proud,

reserved, and suspicious temper, I had little or no confidence in

my own strength with the people; and defeat would be more mortifying

than success grateful to a person of my pride. I fancied, however,

that popular life would somewhat subdue the consuming passions which

were rioting within my bosom; and I threw myself into the thick of

the struggle with all the ardor of a sanguine temperament.




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