Surely there is no joy like that which the heart feels in the first
moment when it gives utterance to its own, and hears the avowed
passion of the desired object:--a pure flame, the child of sentiment,
just blushing with the hues of passion, just budding with the
breath and bloom of life. No sin has touched the sentiment;--no
gross smokes have risen to involve and obscure the flame; the altar
is tended by pure hands; white spirits; and there is no reptile
beneath the fresh blossoming flowers which are laid thereon. The
grosser passions sleep, like the fumes at the shrine of Apollo,
beneath the spell of that master passion in whose presence they
can only maintain a subordinate existence. I loved; I had told
my love;--and I was loved in return. I trembled with the deep
intoxication of that bewildering moment; and how I found my way
back to my office--whom I saw on the way, or to whom I spoke, I know
not. I loved;--I was beloved. He only can conceive the delirium of
this sweet knowledge who has passed a life like mine--who has felt
the frowns and the scorn, and the contempt of those who should
have nurtured him with smiles--whose soul, ardent and sensitive,
has been made to recoil cheerlessly back on itself--denied the
sunshine of the affections, and almost forbade to hope. Suddenly,
when I believed myself most destitute, I had awakened to fortune--to
the realization of desires which were beyond my fondest dreams. I,
whom no affection hitherto had blessed, had, in a moment, acquired
that which seemed to me to comprise all others, and for which all
others might have been profitably thrown away.
I fancied now that henceforth my sky was to be without a cloud. I
did not--nor did Julia imagine for a moment that any opposition to
our love could arise from her parents. What reason now could they
have to oppose it? There was no inequality in our social positions.
My blood had taken its rise from the same fountains with her own.
In the world's estimation my rank was quite as respectable as that
of any in my uncle's circle, and, for my condition, my resources,
though small, were improving daily, and I had already attained
such a place among my professional brethren, as to leave it no
longer doubtful that it must continue to improve. My income, with
economy--such economy as two simple, single-minded creatures, like
Julia and myself, were willing to employ--would already yield us
a decent support. In short, the idea of my uncle's opposition to
the match never once entered my head. Yet he did oppose it. I was
confounded with his blunt, and almost rugged refusal.
"Why, sir, what are your objections?"
He answered with sufficient coolness.