There were other circumstances to alarm me, in connection with this

maiden. She was, as I have said, singularly beautiful; and, as I

thought, until now, singularly meek and considerate. Her charms,

about which there could bo no two opinions, readily secured her

numerous admirers, and when these were strengthened by the supposed

fortune of which she was to be the heiress, the suitors were, some

of them, almost as pressing, after the fashion of the world in

which we lived, as those of Penelope. I now no longer secured her

exclusive regard at the evening fireside or in our way to church.

There were gallants on either hand--gay, dashing lads, with

big whiskers, long locks, and smart ratans, upon whom madame, our

lady-mother, looked with far more complacency than upon me. The

course of Julia, herself, was, however, unexceptionable. She was

singularly cautious in her deportment, and, if reserved to me.

the most jealous scrutiny--after due reflection--never enabled me

to discover that she was more lavish of her regards to any other.

But the discovery of her position led me to another discovery which

the reader will wonder, as I did myself, that I had not made before.

This was the momentous discovery that my heart was irretrievably

lost to her--that I loved her with all the intensity of a first

passion, which, like every other passion in my heart, was absorbing

during its prevalence. I could name my feelings to myself only when

I perceived that such feelings were entertained by others;--only

when I found that the prize, which I desired beyond all others,

was likely to be borne away by strangers, did I know how much it

was desirable to myself.

The discovery of this affection instantly produced its natural

effects as well upon my deportment as upon my feelings; and that

sleepless spirit of suspicion and doubt--that true creature and

consequence of the habitual distrust which my treatment from boyhood

had instilled into my mind--at once rose to strength and authority

within me, and swayed me even as the blasts of November sway the

bald tops of the slender trees which the gusts have already denuded

of all foliage. The change in Julia's deportment, of which I have

already spoken, increased the febrile fears and suspicions which

filled my soul and overcame my judgment. She too--so I fancied--had

learned to despise and dislike me, under the goading influences of

her father's malice and her mother's silly prejudices. I jumped to

the conclusion instantly, that I was bound to my self to assert my

superiority, my pride and independence, in such a manner, as most

effectually to satisfy all parties that their hate or love was

equally a matter of indifference.

You may judge what my behavior was after this. For a time, at least,

it was sufficiently unbecoming. The deportment of Julia grew more

reserved than ever, and her looks more grave. There was a sadness

evidently mingled with this gravity which, amid all the blindness

of my heart, I could not help but see. She became sadder and

thinner every day; and there was a wo-begone listlessness about her

looks and movements which began to give me pain and apprehension.

I discovered, too after a while, that some apprehensions had also

crept into the minds of her parents in respect to her health. Their

looks were frequently addressed to her in evident anxiety. They

restrained her exercises, watched the weather when she proposed

to go abroad, strode in every way to keep her from fatigue and

exposure; and, altogether, exhibited a degree of solicitude which

at length had the effect of arousing mine.




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