Having made my determination, I proceeded to prepare myself by a due
consideration of the case at large; the history of the transaction,
which involved the life of my client--(the allegation was for
murder)--and of the testimony of the witnesses so far as it had
been suggested in the EXPARTE examination before the grand jury.
I reviewed the several leading principles on the subject of the
crime; its character, the sort of evidence essential to conviction,
and certainly, to do myself all justice, as effectually prepared
myself for the duties of the trial as probably any young man of
the time and community was likely to have done. The case, I need
not add, was hopelessly against me; the testimony conclusive; and
I had nothing to do but to weigh its character with keen examination,
pick out and expose its defects and inconsistencies, and suggest
as plausible a presumption in favor of the accused, as could be
reasonably made out from the possibilities and doubts by which all
human occurrences are necessarily attended. Something, too, might
be done by judicious appeals to the principle of mercy, assuming
for the jury a discretion on this subject which, by the way, they
have no right to exercise.
I was joined in the case by my friend, young Edgerton. So far our
boyish fortunes had run together, and he was not unwilling, though
against his father's counsel, to take the same occasion with me for
entering the world in company. The term began; the case was one of
the last on the criminal docket, and the five days which preceded
that assigned for the trial, were days, I am constrained to confess,
of a thrilling and terrible agitation to my mind. I can scarcely
now recall the feelings of that week without undergoing a partial
return of the same painful sensations. My soul was striving as
with itself, and seeking an outlet for escape. I panted, as if for
breath--my tongue was parched--my lips clammy--my voice, in the
language of the poet, clove to the roof of my throat. Altogether,
I have never felt such emotions either before or since.
I will not undertake to analyze them, or account for those conflicting
sensations which make us shrink, with something like terror, from
the very object which we desire. At length the day came, and the
man; attended by his father, William Edgerton, and myself, took our
places, and stood prepared for the issue. I looked round me with a
dizzy feeling of uncertainty. Objects appeared to swim and tremble
before my sight. My eyes were of as little service to me then as
if they had been gazing to blindness upon the sun. Everything was
confused and imperfect. I could see that the courthouse was filled
to overflowing, and this increased my feebleness. The case was one
that had occasioned considerable excitement in the community, It
was one of no ordinary atrocity. This was a sufficient reason why
the audience should be large. There was yet another. There were
two new debutants. In a community where popular eloquence is, of
all others, perhaps the most desirable talent, this circumstance
was well calculated to bring many listeners. Besides, something
was expected from both Edgerton and myself. We had not reached our
present position without making for ourselves a little circle, in
which we had friends to approve and exult, and enemies to depreciate,
and condemn.