"My fondness for your wife was increased by pity. You neglected her.
I was at first indignant and hated you accordingly. But I became
glad of your neglect for two reasons. It gave me the opportunities
for seeing her which I desired, and I felt persuaded with a vain
folly, that nothing could be more natural than that she would make
a comparison, favorable of course to myself, between my constant
solicitude and attention and your ungenerous abandonment. But
I was mistaken. The steady virtue of the wife revenged the wrong
which, without deliberately intending it, I practised against the
husband. When my attentions became apparent, she received me with
marked coolness and reserve; and finally ceased to frequent the
atelier, which, while art alone was my object, yielded, I think,
an equal and legitimate pleasure to us both.
"I saw and felt the change, but had not the courage to discontinue
my persecutions. My passion, and the tenacity with which it enforced
its claims, seemed to increase with every difficulty and denial.
The strangeness of your habits facilitated mine. Almost nightly
I visited your house, and though I could not but see that the
reserve of your wife now rose into something like hauteur, yet my
infatuation was so great that I began to fancy this appearance to
be merely such a disguise as Prudence assumes in order to conceal
its weaknesses, and discourage the invader whom it can no longer
baffle. With this impression, I hurried on to the commission of an
offence, the results of which, though they did not quell my desires,
had the effect of terrifying them, for some, time at least, into
partial submission." Would to God, for all our sakes, that their
submission had been final!
"You remember the ball at Mrs. Delaney's marriage? I waltzed once
with your wife that evening. She refused to waltz a second time.
The privileges of this intoxicating dance are such as could be
afforded by no other practice in social communion--the lady still
preserving the reputation of virtue. I need not say with what
delight I employed these privileges. The pressure of her arm and
waist maddened me; and when the hour grew late, and you did not appear,
Mrs. Delaney counselled me to tender my carriage for the purpose
of conveying her home. I did so;--it was refused: but, through the
urgent suggestions of ner mother, it was finally accepted. I assisted
her to the carriage, immediately followed, and took my place beside
her. She was evidently annoyed, and drew herself up with a degree
of lofty reserve, which, under other circumstances, and had I been
less excited than I was, by the events of the evening, would have
discouraged my presumption. It did not. I proceeded to renew those
liberties which I had taken during the dance. I passed my arm about
her waist. She repulsed me with indignation, and insisted upon
my setting her down where we were, in the unfrequented street, at
midnight. This I refused. She threatened me with your anger; and
when, still deceiving myself on the subject of her real feelings,
I proceeded to other liberties, she dashed her hand through the
windows of the coach, and cried aloud for succor. This alarmed me.
I promised her forbearance, and finally set her down, very much
agitated, at the entrance of your dwelling. She refused my assistance
to the house, but fell to the ground before reaching it. That night
her miscarriage ensued, and my passions for a season were awed into
inactivity, if not silence.