If I was free from vices such as these, however, I had vices of my

own, which were only less odious as they were less obvious. That

vexing, self-tormenting spirit of which I have spoken as the evil

genius that dogged my footsteps--that moral perverseness which

I have described as the "blind heart"--still afflicted me, though

in a far less degree now than when I was the inmate of my uncle's

dwelling, and exposed to all the caprices of himself, his wife

and servants. I kept on good terms with my employers, for the very

natural reason that they saw me attend to my business and theirs,

with a hearty cheerfulness that went to work promptly in whatever

was to be done, and executed its tasks with steady fortitude,

neatness, and rapidity. But, even with them, I had my sulks--my

humors--my stubborn fits of sullenness, that seemed anxious to provoke

opposition, and awaken wrath. These, however, they considerately

forgave in consideration of my real usefulness: and as they perceived

that whatever might have been the unpleasantness occasioned by

these specimens of spleen, they were never suffered to interfere

with or retard the operations of business. "It's an ugly way he's

got," was, probably, the utmost extent of what either of the partners

said, and of what is commonly said on such occasions by most persons,

who do not care to trouble themselves with a too close inquiry.

Well, at twenty-one, William Edgerton and myself were admitted

to the practice of the law, and that too with considerable credit

to ourselves. I had long since been carried by my friend into his

family circle; and Mr. Edgerton, his father, had been pleased to

distinguish me with sundry attentions, which were only grateful to

me in consequence of the unusual deference with which his manner

evinced his regard. His gentle inquiries and persuasive suggestions

beguiled me into more freedom of speech than I had ever before been

accustomed to; and his judicious management of my troubled spirit,

for a time, stifled its contradictions, and suppressed its habitual

tendencies. But it was with some jealousy, and an erectness of manner

which was surely ungracious, though, perhaps, not offensive, that

I endured and replied to his inquiries into my personal condition,

my resources, and the nature of that dependence which I bore to the

family of my uncle. When he learned--which he did not from me--in

what manner I had pursued my studies--after what toils of the day,

and at what late hours of the night--when he found from a close

private examination, which he had given me, before my admission,

that my knowledge of the law was quite as good as the greater

number of those who apply for admission--he was pleased to express

his astonishment at my perseverance, and delight at my success.

When, too, in addition to this, he discovered, upon a minute inquiry

from my employers and others, that I was abstemious, and indulged

in no excesses of any kind, his interest in me increased, as

I thought, who had been accustomed to nothing of the sort, beyond

all reasonable measure-and I soon had occasion to perceive that it

was no idle curiosity that prompted his consideration and inquiry.




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