"Do you have a problem with me?" Arland asked.
Sean rose. "Yes. I do."
"Are you a guest?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
Arland nodded. "I thought not. You're neither guest nor staff, therefore your problem is irrelevant."
They glared at each other. The testosterone in the room was getting thicker by the second.
"I'll make it relevant." Sean's voice dropped into a dangerous icy quiet.
"If you attempt to fight on inn grounds, I will restrain both of you," I said.
"I was always a curious child," Arland said. "I took time to educate myself about the folklore of various places."
"And?" Sean asked.
The Marshal's eyes narrowed. "I'm made of neither sticks nor straw."
"What does that mean?"
"It means you should find yourself another house to blow on."
Ha!
Tension sharpened Sean. Suddenly he looked feral. "That's it. Outside. Unless you're going to hide behind Dina."
"Perfect." Arland turned to me. "I apologize for this rude but unavoidable interruption in our conversation. I promise you I will make it as brief as possible."
"Exactly." Sean nodded, his face frightening. "This will only take a minute."
And the vampire and the werewolf went off the rails. "This is stupid."
Sean opened the front door. "After you, Goldilocks."
Arland's eyes turned dark. "With pleasure."
He strode to the door. Sean glanced out and shut the door with a quick jerk. "A cop's walking toward the house."
Magic chimed. I hurried to the door and glanced through the glass on the side. Officer Marais. Of course.
I touched the wall, shooting a quick command into the inn. The table with Lord Soren slid back through the hallway.
"Stay out of sight," I hissed.
"No," Sean said.
"Absolutely not," Arland said.
I didn't have time for this. "He's a cop. What do you think he'll do?"
"I'm not taking any chances," Sean said. "With all the weird shit going on, he might not be a cop."
"This is a valid point," Arland said.
Argh. "You are wearing armor."
"She's right," Sean said. "You should hide, Tinker Bell."
"I'm nearing my limit," Arland growled.
Officer Marais was almost to the door.
"Go down the hallway, first door on the left is the closet. Change into normal clothes and try to act like a human. Sean, help him. Go."
The doorbell rang.
I summoned every ounce of intimidation I could muster and whispered, "Go, or I will drown you both in raw sewage."
They took off down the hallway.
The doorbell rang again. Beast barked, bouncing up and down. I waited another second to make sure they'd disappeared and swung the door open. "Officer Marais. What a lovely surprise."
Officer Marais looked at me, his face devoid of all expression.
"Would you like some coffee?" I asked.
"No."
"Well, I would like some coffee. Please feel free to follow me to the kitchen." I walked into the kitchen, got out a mug, and pushed the button on my Keurig. Gertrude Hunt wasn't a wealthy inn, but I wasn't willing to skimp on coffee. Officer Marais followed me like a stoic shadow.
"Are you sure you wouldn't like a cup?"
"Yes. Ms. Demille, where were you last night between eleven p.m. and three a.m.?"
I sipped my coffee. "Upstairs in my bed."
We squared off like two duelists with rapiers.
"Did you hear anything unusual?" Marais attacked.
"What do you mean by unusual?" I parried.
"Did you hear anything at all?"
"No. I was asleep. Can I ask what this is about?"
"Yes. Your neighbors down the street reported hearing screams followed by a bright flash of red light."
Thank you, Arland. "I didn't hear screams. Was it a man or a woman who was screaming? Did something bad happen?"
"How is it that everyone on the street heard screams and you didn't?"
"I'm a sound sleeper."
We paused to catch a breath. Sean and Arland walked into the kitchen. Arland wore jeans and a white T-shirt. Out of his armor, he looked less enormous. Sean was leaner, his muscles tighter and more defined. Arland was a couple of inches taller, broader in the shoulders and layered with thicker muscle. Sean could pick up a fifty-pound rucksack and run for miles, while Arland was clearly designed to punch holes through solid walls.
"Officer Marais, this is Mr. Arland. He's staying at my Bed and Breakfast. He's a longtime friend of Mr. Evans."
Mr. Evans made a valiant effort not to choke.
"Did you hear anything unusual last night?" Officer Marais asked Sean.
Sean shrugged and plucked the little container of coffee from the holder. "Nope. Did you?"
Arland shook his head. "No."
"Where are you from, Mr. Arland?" Officer Marais asked.
Okay, that was just about enough. I put my cup down. "Officer, may I speak with you for a minute?"
I walked into the foyer before he could say no. Officer Marais followed me.
"Since I've moved here, you have shown up at my door eight times. I obey the laws, I pay my taxes, and I haven't even gotten a parking ticket in my entire time as a driver. Yet if anything at all happens in the neighborhood, you appear at my door. I bet if a meteorite fell somewhere in the subdivision, you would be here asking me if I personally launched it out of my doomsday cannon."
"Ma'am, I need you to calm down."
"I'm perfectly calm. I haven't raised my voice. You can come over here and ask me whatever questions you want, but I draw the line at harassing my guests. You're interfering with my ability to run a business."
"No, I am asking you questions."
"With all due respect, I'm not legally required to answer any of your questions. Why is it you don't like me, Officer Marais? Is it because I'm not from here?"
"It doesn't matter where you're from. You're here now and it's my job to protect you and everyone here. I'm doing my job and I don't appreciate the drama. Something isn't right with you and this property. Strange things happen around it. I don't know what is going on, but I will find out. You could make it easier on yourself by coming clean."
"Sure. This is a magic bed-and-breakfast and the two guys in my kitchen are aliens from outer space."
"Right." Officer Marais turned. "I'll let myself out."
He turned and walked out. It took all my willpower not to make the door slam to help him on his way. That would be petty.
Caldenia descended the staircase behind me. "You let him goad you."
"I know. He aggravates me."
Officer Marais was a problem. Just how big of a problem remained to be seen. He was just doing his job, after all, and he didn't strike me as a man who would manufacture evidence, so it was up to me to be smarter and more discreet and not provide him with anything to further his suspicions.
I followed Caldenia into the kitchen. Arland saw her, set his mug down, stood up, and inclined his head in a pronounced bow. "Letere Olivione."
He called her by her proper title.
"Such a polite boy." Caldenia smiled. "I prefer Her Grace here. One must adhere to local customs after all. House Krahr, correct?"
"Yes, Your Grace." Arland smiled and took a big swallow from his mug.
"I believe I've met your grandfather, the Bloody Butcher of Odar."
"That's correct."
"I remember now. A delightful man, wonderfully dry sense of humor."
Arland blinked. "My grandfather has been called many names in his lifetime. Delightful was not one of them. He remembers you also. You tried to poison him."
Caldenia waved her fingers. "I've tried to poison everyone at one time or another. Don't take it personally."
"Of course not," the vampire said and took another big swig.
Wait. "What's in that cup?"
"It's coffee," Sean said.
"And it's delicious." Arland drank more.
Oh crap. "You gave a vampire coffee?"
"Yes." Sean frowned. "What's the problem? He really likes it. It's his second cup."
"This will be highly amusing." Caldenia sat down.
Arland shook his shoulders as if trying to get rid of an invisible weight resting there.
"My lord, may I please have your cup?" I asked.
Arland passed me his mug. It was empty. Oh no. Maybe his metabolism was strong enough and we would dodge the bullet.
Arland hit me with a brilliant smile, showcasing his fangs. "Have I mentioned how exquisitely beautiful you are?"
No, the bullet hit dead center. I braced myself.
"I have a cousin whose stepbrother married a woman from Earth. He says --"
"My lord, it's not appropriate for you to discuss your cousin's stepbrother's wife."
Arland's eyes widened. "You're right," he said, his voice full of astonishment. "Personal honor. Very important." He swung to the window. "It's so nice out there. You have a lovely planet. And you, Dina, are also lovely. Did I mention that?"
"You did," Sean said.
"My man." Arland stepped over and punched Sean in the arm. "That was some wonderful stuff. We should drink more of it. I've got to get out of here."
"No, you don't," I said. "My lord, you need to lie down."
Arland opened the back door and walked out. I ran to the door. He stopped in the middle of the grassy stretch of lawn and yanked off his T-shirt, presenting us with a view of a muscular back.
"So coffee gets him drunk," Sean said.