Ian set down his mobile and hung his head. “Everyone keeps telling me to sod off today. That was Elaina by the way.”
So Elaina was angry too. Well great, we had some common ground at least. We’d both had the earth ripped out from beneath us. I poked Ian in the shoulder.
“Why? Why the f-fuck did you bring her to BSI…? Why’d you do th-that?” Four pints in and I was really pissed drunk. Good thing I’d walked here because I sure as f**k wasn’t able to drive. “Yer tryin’ to kill me, brother?” I slurred another question at him.
Ian waved me off with his hand like I was a distracting gnat buzzing around his head. “The two of you are f**kin’ ridiculous with your pining and your tats and your lost love. Get over it already, and do somethin’ about it, why don’t you.” Ian narrowed his eyes to focus. He was at least as drunk as me. “Mum and I couldn’t stand either one of you anymore so we helped you along a bit. Just a li’l bit o’ help, is all.”
“Well, that was f**kin’ stupid of you then. She doesn’t want anthin’ to do with me, an’ now we have t-to work t-together.”
“No, yer f**kin’ s-stupid. She’s in love with you st-still. An’ you are with her. I’ve seen yer cherry blossom tats an’ how you are when the other person’s name comes up.” He tapped his head and nearly stabbed himself in the eyeball. “I see things. I know things.”
I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. “Don’t you tell her about the tat or I’ll b-b-bash you, Ian.”
Ian’s face cracked an enormous grin. “Yer such a f**kin’ idiot right now. Ya don’t know much do ya?”
“What tha bloody h-h-hell does that mean?”
“I’ll let ya figure it out on yer own, b-brother, but I’ll s-s-say this much…” He poked a finger into my forehead. “Yer not tha only one with ch-cherry blossom t-tattoos.”
****
The words of the song hit me like a brick to the head as I listened to Hendrix on Spotify. Music was part of my life and I couldn’t imagine being without it, but today the lyrics fit too perfectly with the reality of what had happened with Elaina and me. It did nothing for me. But make the ache more persistent.
A broom is drearily sweeping
Up the broken pieces of yesterday’s life
Somewhere a queen is weeping
Somewhere a king has no wife
And the wind, it cries Mary
Not Mary. The wind was crying…Cherry.
I’d kept my distance at work from Elaina over the past few days. She’d done the same with me. It was strange, because for some reason, it wasn’t as painful for me as I thought it would feel. Having her nearby was very soothing after so long of wondering where she was, how she was, what she was doing, who she was with. I finally knew the answers to all of those questions.
But, I also had new ones to ponder.
Ian’s drunken confession in the pub had piqued my curiosity a lot. According to her brother, she had a cherry blossom tattoo somewhere on her body. Interesting. And why would Elaina do that?
I could only think of one reason why she would.
Same reason I’d gotten mine.
I dug around in my desk drawer until I found it. A flash drive of photographs I’d taken nearly six years ago. I made sure the door was locked of course, and told Susie to hold my calls.
The pictures loaded up in a slideshow format.
Nearly two hundred images: cherry blossoms, Elaina under the falling blossoms, selfies of us in the boat together, some close-ups of a blue dragonfly sitting on a cherry branch. I remembered the dragonfly photos specifically. I’d printed one out and taken it to the tattoo artist when she’d inked me, so she could get the design right.
Blue dragonfly in the cherry blossoms sitting right on my chest over my beating heart.
I scrolled through the line of photos, one by one, remembering everything as the images loaded. Again, it was a strange sensation. I thought I had forgotten the memories, or at least hidden them away so deep that I wouldn’t remember. But that wasn’t the case at all. The sights and sounds and emotions in memory came right up to the surface all in an instant as easily as if our weekend at Hallborough had just happened.
I kept clicking the right arrow faster and faster until the series changed to times after we had returned home.
I stopped clicking and stared, unable to take my eyes away.
Elaina. Naked in my bed. Her eyes were on me, head tilted to the side, her beautiful hair splayed out, her perfect body soft and languid from being touched, kissed, and loved by me only moments before.
I’d asked her if I could have some pictures of her like this to take with me and she had generously said yes. How strange to know that just hours later, our time together ended in the most heartbreaking way. A moment in time, captured in an image, that meant my whole world on the day it was taken.
I clicked forward to the next picture, very aware that I had taken more than just the one. God, she was beautiful then. She was still beautiful, and inside this very building, where I was sitting right f**kin’ now!
I could leave this office, go out to reception and look at her with my own eyes if I wanted to. I could ask her to dinner or out for lunch. I could get close enough to smell that heavenly perfume she wore, or shampoo she used on her hair, or whatever the hell it was that smelled so good. I could listen to her voice addressing me when I asked her a question. I could even reach out and touch her in a gesture socially acceptable for workmates.
I could do all of that.
If I wanted to.
I kept my arse in my office chair and studied the naked pictures of her instead.
And thought about giving my c**k a tug and using them to get me off.
17
For custom arrangements on display in reception, the florist delivered twice a week. I kept looking over at the magnificent display, of what looked very much like cherry blossoms in a light blue vase, the long branches of pale pink blooms distracted me terribly. Was it possible that Neil had somehow requested them? They were so specific an arrangement… My Spidey senses were picking up on something with him, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
It was pretty apparent from the last few days, that he was avoiding me. I accepted why he would want to, but it still wasn’t fun for me to sit at my desk and see him go by without saying much beyond a simple greeting. It made me very sad, but I didn’t know what to do about it. And I didn’t know how to make it any better for either of us. I was left wondering so much about what was on his mind.