“Hello?”
“Baby, are you okay?”
“Kyle, you’re going to get yourself in trouble—go back to her.”
“Nah. It’s not like that—I already got her a cab and she just left.”
“Oh. I see.” I signaled Clive that I’ll step outside a moment and speak to Kyle privately.
I turned towards the terrace doors and quietly went outside. I walked over to the balustrade and studied the dark glittering sea before me. I shuddered remembering my dream.
“My dreams are back.”
“Your nightmares? The ones you’d scream most nights? Like the ones you’re being chased by a coffin or being murdered?” Sigh, the man knows everything about it.
“Not those ones—but my dreams from early childhood. The closet dream and the one when I drowned in the ocean are both back.”
“Fuck, Si—I’m sorry. Are you all alone? Where’s Blake or Chad?” he sounded stressed out. My eyes started to tear again. He’ll always care for me and I love him for it.
“They’re asleep—it’s almost five in the morning here.”
“Is there anything that I can do? Do you want to stay on the phone with me? I wouldn’t mind—I love hearing your voice anyway.”
“I would like that very much—you can hang-up the second you hear me snoring. Thank you—this is the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for me.”
“I’m always here for you, Si. You know that.” His assurance gave me comfort—just a wee bit. How I wished it was Blake, but that’s wishful thinking.
“I’m going back in the house, give me a sec.”
I went inside the villa and went upstairs. I didn’t see Clive anywhere. I guess he went back to his room. I stealthily walked towards my bedroom and slipped my body in the sheets.
“So, who was that woman—” I stopped mid-sentence when I heard someone outside my door. “Shit—I have to go. I’ll call you later. I promise and thank you for being here.” I whispered and cut the call short. Blake was hovering above me, ready to pounce.
“Who was that on the phone?” Blake’s accusing voice pierced through me.
I sighed and counted from one to ten. I closed my eyes and prayed for him to march outside the door and go back to where he came from. I can’t deal with him right now. He’s too much at the moment when my mind is still going through the after effects of my scary dream.
My phone was yanked away from my clasp and he tried to unlock it. Without luck, he asked again in angered tone. “You were speaking to Kyle weren’t you?”
I sighed again. Damn, my prayers are going unanswered. “Yes, I was.”
“Why would you do that? Why would you sneak out of my bedroom and call him at this ungodly hour?” He sounded livid.
“Because—because my nightmares are back and he’s the person who used to calm me down.” My voice sounded like a small child. Like the small child who drowned in my dreams. It’s scary how during each dream I always call out papa. What does that mean?
“What nightmares? You never have nightmares!”
“I used to get them almost on a daily basis after my dad died and when I moved in with my Aunt. It started to subside a year before I left for London. But I’ve been having it again. It started when I got that call from LA last Saturday. It’s been happening since then.”
He cursed and raked a hand through his hair. He slid next to me and cradled my head on his chest. “I’m such a bastard. I’m sorry—I had no clue. These nightmares….what are they usually about?”
“I’ll tell you someday…but not tonight.”
“As you wish, do you want me to sleep here with you?” he whispered against my ear and spooned my body against his.
I nodded and sighed contently.
He kissed my neck and nuzzled it. “I’m here for you too, poppet. You have to learn to start leaning on me too.”
My body tensed. “How could I possibly do that? It’s obvious you hate me and when I woke up totally freaked out, you were so far away from me. You’ve never done that. You always held me close when we slept together. Tonight was just a huge wake-up call. Maybe the damage is irreparable….maybe I just have to accept that it’s over between us.”
Luce even is managing to paddle forward. Why can’t I?
I tried to move away but his hand was a steel band holding me against his body. “You promised me, Sienna. You said you’d try.” He sounded sad all of a sudden.
“I know—but it won’t work. We both know it. You hate me and yet you can’t get enough of having sex with me. I don’t think I want this kind of relationship with you. I wanted what you and I had before—before things got so messed up and complicated.”
“You are right. I do hate you, Sienna. But at the same time I do love you. It’s rather maddening. It doesn’t matter if I hate you or love you, but all I know is I want to have you in my life and in my bed.”
“Great. What the f**k does that mean?”
“It means that I still do love you but I don’t trust you. It means that I can’t get enough of you. I’m going crazy when you’re not with me.”
I turned around and looked at him. “But what do I do? If you don’t trust me then—there’s no future for us.” The realization hit me hard.
“No—we could still have a future. I just need to trust you again.”
“This happened when I slept with Kyle, right?”
He nodded hesitantly. “Isn’t that a little too extreme when you were doing hundred times worse that I did? That was the only time I slept with him. Couldn’t you find it in you to forgive me?”
“I don’t know how to do that or where to even begin forgiving you. Ever since that night in your apartment, I haven’t touched another woman except you. Because I knew that nothing will ever compare to you again. But you left and f**ked him a day after I had you. Do you know how I felt then? I wanted to kill you.”
“It was just so chaotic. My thoughts were so jumbled with you and Camilla out that night. When Kyle showed up—I took the easy way out. That night he couldn’t take his hands off me but retreated. But the next day, it became nostalgic and familiar—it just happened.”
He grunted and held me tighter. “I don’t want to hear any more sordid details. That’s enough.”