She froze.
I saw she did. I flung her purse back on the table, but grabbed her phone before she could. Then I pointed at her, her phone in hand, with each word. “You can date whoever you want. You can’t not date because of me. You got it?”
She swallowed. “He’s a cop.”
Oh.
I fell back in the booth. Her phone fell out of my hand. I hadn’t considered that scenario, but then I really started to think about it. I never told her anything specific. The only things I said about Carter were the good things, how he made me feel and normal dating stuff. I didn’t even know anything about his business connections. He said he was out, but he had killed in the past. And I knew about some of those, but I would never tell a soul. So I looked back up. “Date him.”
“Huh?” Her mouth fell open.
“Date him.” I shrugged. “Why not? You don’t even know Carter. You don’t really know anything about him. Why couldn’t you date this guy then?”
She continued to gape at me before she pretended to bang her head on the table, groaning. “You were supposed to agree with me. I can’t date this guy.”
“Why not?”
“Because!”
I grinned. This was the old Amanda and I said what I would’ve said then, “Just wait till Mals and Ben hear about this. You’ll hear all about-” I stopped. I couldn’t believe I had said that. I’d forgotten. I sat back, feeling the blood drain from my face. “Oh man.”
She shot forward and slapped a hand on the table. “Look at me.”
I’d forgotten about them.
She slammed it down again. “Look at me, Emma!”
I jerked my gaze up, my heart still pounding. Mallory.
She hissed at me, “So what?! Huh? So what. I know what just happened and it’s okay. It’s okay. Okay, Ems? Okay?! I know you’re thinking that you forgot about Mallory and how could you, blah blah blah? Am I right?”
I couldn’t think. My eyes were fastened to hers, but I couldn’t deny the guilt in me.
“You’re wrong. You’re wrong! What happened was a horrible, horrible thing and you saved your friend. You did. You saved her, but when you did what you did, the game changed. Your man knew that. He knew right away that there’d be a time when it would come to you or her. Ben did a bastard move, but he did it to save Mals, and you forgetting about them just this second means that you’re moving forward. Okay? That’s all it means. You’re moving on. We’re all moving on. Wherever they are, they’re moving forward too. You don’t need to feel guilty about leaving her and I know you do. Be happy with that hot piece of ass and feel okay being happy with him.”
I murmured, “How do you know all that to say to me?” Was it really that simple?
“Because I love you. You’re my friend and I’m grateful that I still have your friendship.” Her chin locked in place and she crossed her arms. “I’m pissed that Ben went to them, but I’ve realized that it had to happen. Your man was right, that’s why he took you away from us. If you had stayed with us, you were a sitting duck. They would’ve found Mallory and Ben would’ve told them what you did to save her.” She shrugged. “It had to happen. Your life or hers. Your man saved you and Ben did what he had to.”
Some of my old humor sparked in me and I grinned. “Did you really just refer to Ben as a man?”
Amanda smacked her hand to her forehead and moaned. “He’d been so pathetic over her for so long. Always panting after her, being one of those guys. He was such a creeper.”
I chuckled. “He would call the apartment when she was on dates. He always wanted me to tell him when she got home. I never did, but one time he even sent me a pizza. It was like he was trying to bribe me for information on her.”
“Mallory was so stupid.” She amended, “She was nice, but she was stupid. How could he not give her the creeps? He was her very own stalker that she treated like a friend.”
I snorted, “Or like a brother at times. There were times when he’d come over and she’d hide in the bathroom. We even had it rigged where we could slip through the window. Ben never believed me when I told him she wasn’t home. He demanded to search the apartment to see it for his own eyes.”
“He was a little crazy about her.”
“A little?” My eyebrow rose. “Try a lot, but she always said he was nice deep down. Guess she was right in some ways? He was there for her in the end.”
“Yeah, I guess. He was like the pervy cousin that was always around.”
I grinned. He was. Then my smile waned. “Why are we talking about them like they’re dead?”
“Because they are.”
My eyes shot to hers.
She shrugged, glancing away and sighing at the same time. “At least to me, they are. They’re gone. They left us behind. At least when you left, you were still working. We still texted. But they’re completely gone. No word. No call. No nothing. So to me, that’s how I think of it. They’re dead to me.”
“That’s perverse.”
“Helps me from getting hurt by them. I locked ‘em out. Maybe you should do that too.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I bit my lip as I looked away. “Mallory never texted me.”
“Because stupid Ben destroyed her phone one night. He thought they could find her from its gps. You didn’t hear him at the end, before he got all happy. He was sounding crazy. He thought there were men watching them. He thought someone was listening in on the landline and they could get into his computers. He was scared to leave the apartment. I mean, really, he took a butcher knife with him when we ordered pizza. I’m surprised the kid didn’t drop a deuce on his doorstep.”