All eyes focused on me.
“They’re looking for Emma now?” Drake asked.
Carter nodded, up and down, like the weight of the world had just crashed down on his shoulders. “Yeah. I’m positive.”
So my face would soon be up on that screen, too. I laughed, though I didn’t realize it until I heard the sound for myself. It sounded like someone else. Hysteria, anger, bitterness, and panic all mixed into my laughter. And it just kept coming. More and more until I laughed so hard I cried.
No one said a word.
They seemed to be waiting until I finished, but I didn’t. I couldn’t make it stop. I bent over. My stomach started to hurt, but I still couldn’t contain it. This, this whole thing—my sister had been kidnapped and now I was going to be “famous” once more. For being the reason she was gone. Me. It was all my fault.
If she hadn’t come into my life, she’d still be with those people who loved her. She’d still be happy. She’d be with her parents.
But nope. I came into her life, and look what happened. Instant travesty.
That was me. That was my life. Everyone I loved went away. Everyone I let close ended up hurt. It didn’t matter by whose hands. They were still gone. AJ. Mallory. Andrea. Thomas.
Carter was the only one who hadn’t—as that thought entered my mind, my laughter finally stopped. It choked me instead. My god, Carter. I couldn’t lose him.
Then instead of laughing, I was crying. Uncontrollably. My cheeks felt wet and tears landed on my arms. I couldn’t do a thing. I could only stare at him.
Nothing could happen to him. Not like Mallory and Andrea. Not like my brother. Nothing meant nothing.
“Emma?” Carter approached me, his voice soft. He reached out.
I backed away. It was my fault. All of this. “No,” I whispered.
“Emma, whatever you’re thinking, stop. You’re not being rational right now.”
I wasn’t. But who was? Everyone was dead. These four men were going to die, too. I felt it in my bones. I was going to be alone—alone and condemned.
“Emma.” His hand touched my elbow.
I tried to shake it off, but he gripped me harder. He pulled me to him and shielded me from the others. It didn’t matter. They knew I was losing it. I shook my head and lifted my hands to Carter’s chest. He was trying to protect me, but didn’t he see? He didn’t need to. I was the one who should’ve been protecting them. It was me, only me. I was the reason they were going to die.
“Emma.” His voice dropped so he was barely speaking. I could hear him, though. His voice was right next to my ear, and he wrapped his arms around my body, hugging me to him. Suddenly, he dipped and scooped me up, cradling me against him.
I should’ve stopped him. I should’ve kicked, maybe tried to leave. If I ran away, they’d live then? That made perfect sense, but I didn’t have the fight in me.
Carter swept out of the room and took me to the bed. I knew he had to go. As he laid me down, I expected him to leave, but he didn’t. He scooted in behind me and held me. I felt completely spent. No tears, no laughter.
I was numb.
“You’ve been busy.”
Cole greeted me as I approached him in the warehouse a little later that morning. There were no men around. I’d called and asked if he would station them at a distance. He had hesitated before complying, and I knew his worry. A person asked for something like that when they didn’t trust the other one. But that wasn’t the case here, and I needed to make sure he knew.
“The less people who know about what I’m doing, the better,” I explained.
His head tilted back and he studied me a moment. “I see.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you.” I gestured to the emptiness around us. “It’s that I don’t trust your men.”
“My men or the Mauricio soldiers?”
“Your men.”
His nostrils flared slightly. “You trust the Mauricio soldiers, though?”
“You’re still fighting with the elders?”
“More of them are willing to follow me. And it’s not just lip service, but I know there are still a few who won’t support me. I’m close to filtering them out.”
Ah yes. With his surveillance of his own family members. He was still playing detective while I was out there taking lives. Yes. Mauricio politics didn’t seem as important anymore. I couldn’t hold back a disgusted sound. I was growing impatient with him.
Cole narrowed his eyes. “You disapprove?”
“Yes,” I said simply. “You should be fighting your enemy, not your family.”
“I offered to help you—”
“I don’t need backup when I go into one of their warehouses. What I do need is for you and the elders to get your sticks out of your asses and start hitting some of their businesses yourselves. Going from one building to another, then finding their new hideouts is exhausting. It’s taking time, and Emma’s sister may not still be alive.”
“She is.” Cole looked down. His tone turned wary. “Whether you realize it or not, I am helping you. I’m holding down the fort while you’re creating a shitstorm. If you’d give me a heads up, I’d appreciate it. As it is now, I send my men out to try and find what places you’ve hit during the night. We’ve been able to get in there to clean everything up so that the police aren’t called. We’ve been able to keep this quiet, but you’re not making it easy. So far only the Bartels know they’re being annihilated. Carter, we’re going to miss a place that you hit. If you tell us—”