“Would you mind repeating that?” The words rumbled out of him.
“Come on, Nick, you acted like I didn’t exist, like I was nothing to you. What I don’t understand is why, if I wasn’t good enough for you back then, I’m suddenly good enough for you now.”
“Is that really what you think?” he asked in a low voice, shocked. “That I think you aren’t good enough?” He leaned back in his seat, literally feeling like he’d been felled. “Jesus, Shay.”
“Why else would you have totally snubbed me?” she asked rhetorically. There was no anger in her voice as she continued, just exhaustion and sadness. “I can understand how me being submissive is a problem, but that wouldn’t be a reason to ignore me the way you did. It wouldn’t be a reason to drive me to leave. And now that I’ve built a life for myself here and I’m happy, you turn up and say sorry, you’ve changed your mind and you’ve given up your Alpha throne. It makes no sense.”
Sighing, Nick scrubbed a hand down his face. He’d had no idea that she’d interpreted his actions that way. Shit. The only way she would understand the truth behind those actions was if he explained everything to her, explained all the reasons that had kept him away—even those that he would rather she didn’t know. But that would risk her giving him a chance out of pity. In fact, she might even think he was trying to guilt her into giving him a chance. He wanted to earn that chance, wanted to earn her trust. They’d have no shot without trust anyway. “We need to get one thing straight.”
Although his tone was gentle, the authority there had Shaya instantly giving him her full attention. She couldn’t have ignored him even if she had wanted to. His gaze held hers; there was a hint of anger there. She wasn’t sure if he was angry with her or himself.
“You are everything I ever could have wanted—everything I didn’t even know I wanted. Beautiful, smart, independent, loyal, and you have this sassy, effervescent charm that I wouldn’t have thought would appeal to me. If I thought you weren’t good enough, if you were something I could resist, something I could be without, I wouldn’t be here.” As a familiar ache suddenly began to build behind his eyes, he almost cursed aloud. Great. Another headache was creeping up on him. “Don’t ever again think differently.”
Shaya wasn’t sure what to say to that, so she said nothing.
“My great-uncle from another pack recently died.” Seeing that Shaya was ready to offer her condolences, Nick put a finger to her lips, needing to make his point. “He’d never mated. He told me once how he almost imprinted a long time ago, when he was twenty-one. The reason he hadn’t was that he’d wanted to hold out for his true mate. He never found her. My point is that many take it for granted that they’ll find their mate, but not everybody does. We’re lucky to have found each other. I know I f**ked up. I’ve said I’m sorry for hurting you; I meant it. I promised you that I wouldn’t let you down again; I meant it. You might not believe that right now, but you will in time—I won’t have it any other way. You’re mine, and I refuse to live my life without you in it.”
Neither of them spoke during the rest of the drive home. Even when he finally pulled up behind his motor home, he opened Shaya’s door without a word and handed her the large tub that contained the meal he’d cooked. He didn’t look angry with her, but there was hurt there. And another pain too…a pain she didn’t understand. It made her wolf whine, wanting to comfort him. He then merely gave Shaya a nod and gestured for her to go inside. She wanted him to talk to her, wanted to know what that pain was that he seemed to be trying to hide. But showing concern for him could give him the wrong idea, couldn’t it? So she ignored her wolf and her own concern and simply said, “Thanks.”
As the pain in his expression seemed to intensify, she was about to ask what was wrong, but then Derren appeared at his side. His body language was supportive and protective, and again there was disappointment in his gaze as he looked at her.
Derren turned to Nick and gestured at the motor home. “Fancy a game of poker?”
Nick quickly realized that Derren—who never missed a trick—had detected that he had one of his headaches and was urging him to go inside to take some painkillers. The urging wasn’t necessary. Not when his vision was starting to darken around the edges. “Sure.” He again gestured for Shaya to go inside her home, having no intention of moving until he saw that she was safely inside. Then, hearing a car pull up close by, he glanced briefly toward the noise…and tensed. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”
Confused, Shaya spared the Chevy a brief look before asking Nick, “What?”
Derren winced, earning both of their attention. “Wow, I didn’t think she’d really come.”
Nick rounded on him. “You knew she was coming? You knew and you didn’t think to tell me?”
“Who?” demanded Shaya.
Turning back to Shaya, Nick sighed. “My mother.”
“She called me earlier,” said Derren. “She wanted to know how you were doing and what was happening with you and Shaya. As I know you’re private about personal stuff, I was pretty vague. Apparently that wasn’t the wisest move.”
Clearly not, because she’d come to find out the answers for herself. Nick cursed.
“What’s so bad about it?” asked Shaya. “Don’t you guys get along?”
“It’s not that. I came to Arizona to find you, make things up to you, and claim you. I kind of wanted some privacy, and no one seems to want to give it to us.” And his mother would undoubtedly pressure him to tell Shaya everything when she realized he hadn’t yet done it. She might even blurt out a thing or two, believing he’d already told Shaya. He couldn’t have that. “Why don’t you go inside, baby. I’ll take care of this.”
“You don’t want me to meet your mom?” Shaya didn’t particularly want to do the whole “meeting the parents” thing, especially considering the way things stood with her and Nick, but she couldn’t help feeling wounded by his behavior.
Seeing the insecurity in her eyes and knowing she most likely still feared he thought she wasn’t good enough for him, that he was embarrassed by her, Nick growled. “Now you’re making me want to bite you.” His wolf felt much the same. “I just don’t want people interfering. She thinks being my mother gives her the right to do so.”