“Thank you, Gabe. It was—” She had to search for the right word, finally finding it in Summer’s favorite exclamation. “—awesome! Totally awesome!”
She quickly bought a few little trinkets to give to Summer. When she glanced back at Gabe, he looked pleased with how much she’d enjoyed herself, but strangely worried, too.
“Didn’t you have a good time?”
“I did, although to be honest, just watching you enjoy it made it the best circus I’ve ever been to.”
Megan flushed at the heat in his eyes. It was amazing how being with Gabe made everything around her so much richer, so much brighter. She hadn’t realized all the shades, all the contours she was missing until he had—literally—burst into her life.
She enjoyed holding his hand and snuggling close to him as they walked back to the parking lot. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and everything felt so right.
“When do you need to pick Summer up?”
She looked at her watch. “In about an hour.”
She found herself being tugged in the opposite direction from the truck, out toward the ocean. A few minutes later, they were sitting on a log looking at the Golden Gate Bridge.
He had that serious look on his face again. “Gabe, something’s wrong, isn’t it? You had that same look back under the big top.”
“No, nothing’s wrong. At least I hope there isn’t.” He ran his hand through his hair, leaving it looking sexily rumpled as he explained, “When we were talking about Summer, you started to say that you’d been thinking about things. But you never got a chance to tell me what it was you were thinking.”
Her heartbeat kicked up. Back in the circus ring, she’d been so overwhelmed with his lovely surprise date that her mouth had been moving without much editing from her brain.
But, now, Megan was nervous. Habit made her want to get up off the log and run away from Gabe as fast, as far as she could.
It was so very difficult to remain right where she was and face not only Gabe, but her own fears.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about us,” was the only way she knew how to begin.
She had to reach for his hand to steady herself. He was just as warm, just as steady as he’d always been. Nothing about this conversation was going to be easy. But that was no excuse not to have it, no excuse to keep hiding her feelings from Gabe.
“I never intended to let you so far into my life,” she made herself say with painful honesty.“I know, sweetheart.”
“You didn’t, either,” she had to point out, and was surprised when his mouth moved into a small smile. “You tried to fight what’s between us just as hard as I did.”
“Only until I realized that I didn’t need to fight it. That apartment fire just happened to be the way we met. Nothing more.”
His words opened something up inside her chest, that part of her that had worried, despite everything, that he still looked at her as the fire victim with stars in her eyes.
“The thing is, Gabe, everything was—is—so great with you. Not just the sex,” she said in a soft voice. He lifted his hand to her face, his knuckles brushing against her cheek making her tremble. “Making love with you is, well…” She licked her lips. “It’s amazing, but just talking, laughing, snowboarding...I love every minute we’ve spent together.”
“I do, too.”
She needed him to understand. “I wasn’t just fighting because of my past, I was fighting because of Summer. I was so afraid I’d fall for you and let her get close to you and you’d become even more of a role model to her than you already were. And that would only break her heart more when you left.”
“I’m not going to leave.”
His words stopped her in her tracks. “How can you know for sure?”
Before she realized what he was doing, he’d scooped her up from the log to sit in his lap. He was so big and she loved how feminine she felt in his arms, how safe he always made her feel.
“Here’s how I know,” he said, pressing his lips to hers a moment before saying, “I love you, Megan.”
Her breath caught in her chest. She hadn’t seen this coming, hadn’t expected Gabe to declare himself like this today.
Unable to believe what he’d just said, she didn’t realize she’d said, “You do?” until the words were out.
“I do, sweetheart. You are bravest person I know. That day in your building, when it was burning, your love for your daughter made you so strong, made the difference between our living or dying. I lost a piece of my heart to you right then and there.”
“I always thought I was so strong,” she whispered, her voice barely rising above the surf, “but the truth is I’ve been scared for so long. Even before David died.” She didn’t want to hide anything from Gabe anymore. Or herself. “We met when I was twenty. I hadn’t really dated anyone seriously before. He was older and dating him was exciting. He never pressured me to do anything I wasn’t ready for and after a couple of months it made sense to sleep together.”
She could feel Gabe tense beneath her. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear me talking about going to bed with another man. Especially after saying you…”
“I love you, Megan,” he said again, filling in the blanks for her when she faltered at the word love.
“I’m sorry to be saying this now, but I need you to understand,” she said, squeezing his hand, beyond glad that he was there for her to hold on to. “Being intimate with David didn’t even seem like that much of a risk at the time. It was what everyone was doing in college, sleeping with their boyfriends.” She paused. “Only, everyone else didn’t find out they were pregnant on their twentieth birthday.”