That person was gone. I didn’t mean my brother.
I had changed so I waited the entire car ride back to my dorm. I waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. His jaw was clenched tight and he gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were white, but he never said a word.
As he pulled to the front door of my dorm, I reached for the handle.
“Wait.”
My shoulders tensed. Here it was.
“I’m sorry for whatever I did to make you uncomfortable.”
I could only blink at him. What did he say?
He fidgeted under my stare. “Was I acting too couple-y? I know we’re not like that and I know we don’t talk about things, but can you tell me what I did?”
My hand let go of the handle. I sat back in the seat. He was self-conscious. I had never seen Jesse self-conscious. It was a different look, one that pulled at my heartstrings and I couldn’t have this conversation because of that. One word, one touch, all of it would come crashing down on me.
I looked at the door. I should go.
It was like he sensed it because he said, “Please, Alex. Can you tell me?”
I shook my head. “You didn’t do anything.”
“Did I say something?”
“You didn’t say anything either.”
“Then what? I wanted to spend time with you. You and those guys, you’re the only ones who don’t care who my dad is or what I do on the court. That’s sad, isn’t it?” His hands were curled into balls and he was pressing them into his lap now. “I really needed some time with you. If that makes me a loser or pathetic, whatever. Fine. I’m pathetic. I want to spend time with you. I want to be with you. Please don’t go.”
Oh my god. He was almost begging me. A vulnerable look was in his eyes. I felt him stripped and raw in front of me.
I was struggling.
I wanted to go. Badly. I didn’t. I couldn’t get myself to leave. Then I sighed, “You didn’t do anything, Jesse.”
“Then what? What happened? You were fine and then you weren’t. I could feel it from you. You wanted to bolt, but I don’t know what I did.”
“You didn’t. Honest.”
He blew out a breath in annoyance. “Then Sarah or Marissa. What’d they say to you?”
“Nothing.”
I tried to lie, but my voice broke on that word. That wasn’t true.
His eyes flashed. He knew. “Which one?”
I heard the savagery in him. This wasn’t good. “Your ex is a bitch.”
“I know. That’s why I broke up with her. All that saint stuff was an act. I couldn’t stomach it anymore.” He frowned. “Was it Sarah?”
“No.” My head went down. My gut bottomed out as I whispered that word.
“So Marissa then?”
I couldn’t confirm it. He knew. We both knew, but when he reached for his phone, I grabbed it from him. Shaking my head, I was horrified to find some tears on my cheeks. I hadn’t cried in so long. I wasn’t going to start now. “Stop.”
“She made you cry.”
I blew out a calming breath. “Stop, Jesse. Marissa didn’t mean any harm. She said a few things and old wounds opened. That’s it. I’ll be fine. I promise.”
He wavered.
I clenched his phone tighter. I knew he could grab it lightning fast.
“Fine.”
My shoulders sagged in relief.
“Just to be clear, I didn’t do anything?”
A grin broke free as I shook my head.
“And I didn’t say anything?”
“You did call me dramatic.”
“I’m sorry.”
I blinked at the automatic apology. That wasn’t a normal Jesse comment. Had he changed as well, like everyone else? I held my tongue, not wanting to get into that conversation and I asked instead, “So what’s going on that you needed to get away from your friends?”
This was the second time in two weeks. He liked to hide with those friends and bring me along. Well, this time was different. We’d been doing other things before he took me along to hide with them.
He grew still. “I don’t want to talk about that.”
The old roles clicked into place again. We were back to that. Neither of us talked about anything real in our lives. The only topic was allowed Ethan or sex. It had always been like that.
“Oh.”
His head tipped back and a deep groan escaped from him. “I’m sorry. You should know what’s been going on and why I haven’t called you that much.”
Oh.
Were the rules changing?
“This has nothing to do with my friends, but there’s a girl suing my dad. She claims that she’s his daughter, he knew about her, and he ignored her when she grew up. She’s claiming emotional damage.” He’d become a statue now. The words fell from him, his tone so cold, “She’s probably his kid. You know how he was, how he still is with a different girl every other month. Fuck. Two months after Mom died and he had some eighteen year old in the house.”
Reaching over, I slipped my hand with his. Our fingers wrapped around each other. “I’m guessing that the lawyers said you couldn’t talk about the case?” Was that why he was avoiding his friends?
Jesse sighed, “Yes and no. They told me I should warn my friends against this girl, in case she reaches out to them. The other side is trying to bring me as a character witness against my dad. I don’t even know if they can do that, but they’re claiming he’s damaged my life. I don’t want that shit out there. It’s only a matter of time before the press gets wind of this.”