I watch them leave and my heart aches for them. They’re not kids anymore, but they still have so much to learn about the world. I hope this visit brings Claire the closure she so desperately needs.
Chapter Thirty
Claire
Listen
Chris and I walk in silence for a few minutes until we reach a gas station. We walk through the station parking lot, holding my breath as we pass the dumpsters, and find ourselves at a café behind the gas station. I’m not at all hungry or in the mood for coffee, so I take a seat in one of the chairs outside the café and Chris sits across the small table from me.
“You want to tell me what happened back there?”
“Your mom shared some information about my dad with me. I guess he didn’t rape my mom. At least, that’s what my old neighbor told my caseworker.”
He reaches across the table and grabs my hand and I hold on tightly. “Do you believe what your neighbor said?”
“I don’t think she would have any reason to lie. She was the one who found me… and my mom. I don’t remember her that well, but I remember I was over the moon the few times I went to her house because she had a real granddaughter who I played with a couple of times. I think her name was Misty.”
“Yeah, I remember you telling me about her. I hope you know that I won’t be upset if you decide to back out. I came here for you. If you want to go back to the hotel, that’s what we’ll do.”
I pull my coat tighter as a large system of dark clouds settles above us and the purplish dusk quickly transforms into a gray night. I can smell the rain that has just finished drying on the concrete below us. We should get back to the car before we get soaked.
I stand up and Chris does the same. “I want to go back to the hotel and sleep on it. The wedding isn’t until midnight on Tuesday. That’s over two days away. We can catch a flight tomorrow night instead of tomorrow morning, if I do decide to see him in the morning. Is that okay?”
I can’t decide if he looks disappointed or worried. “Like I said, we’ll do whatever you want. As long as we’re back in Vegas by Tuesday morning, Rachel will just have to deal with it.”
“Oh, that’s right. She wants to have brunch with your mom and me tomorrow,” I say as I sneak closer to him. “Well, Senia’s not getting there until Tuesday morning, so it’s not like I’m going to be the last one there.”
“She’ll get over it.”
“You look worried. Are you that afraid of Rachel?”
He grabs my face and his hands are warm despite how cold it is out here. “I always worry about you. I just want you to be happy.”
He kisses my cheekbone so softly that it tickles and I grin stupidly. He smiles and my breath catches in my chest.
“You’re so beautiful,” I whisper and he chuckles. “Really, you are. Sometimes, I watch you sleep.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do. And I caught you feeling me up the other night.”
“Shut up.”
“Oh, right. That was me who was feeling you up. Sorry.”
I wrap my arms tightly around his neck and squeeze him as hard as I can. “Take me home.”
“To the hotel?”
“I don’t care, just take me with you.”
He lifts me off the ground and tilts his head back so he can look me in the eye. “What are you going to do when I’m gone?”
“Wherever you go, I go.”
We walk Jackie to her hotel room even though she insists she doesn’t need us to escort her. It’s weird that I’ve known Joel less than a week, but I already find myself wishing he were here to keep her company. It may be too soon to say this, but Joel may be the missing piece our family has been waiting for.
After we shower and Chris texts his assistant to change the time of our flight, we settle down in bed. The hotel room is too cold for me, but Chris always complains about how hot he gets when I’m snuggled up next to him. It doesn’t bother me one bit. I spent more than a year craving his body next to mine. I’m never letting go again.
“Do you ever wonder what life would have been like if you had come on tour with me?” he asks.
I trace my finger lightly over his chest in a figure-eight pattern as I contemplate this question. “I thought about it almost every day.”
“Do you think you’ll go on tour with me this summer?”
The uncertainty in his voice kills me and I can’t keep this secret any longer. “Chris, I’ll go on tour with you tomorrow, if that’s what you want. I changed my classes for next semester. I’m taking all my classes online.”
He sits up suddenly and, even through the darkness, I can see the incredulous look on his face. “You can’t do that.”
“Yes, I can. And don’t tell me I can’t.” I sit up so I can look him in the eye. “Do you have any idea what it feels like knowing that one of the reasons I gave up Abigail was so that you wouldn’t have to give up your career and here we are without Abigail and you on the verge of giving everything up? Have you any clue how that makes me feel? I feel like a failure. I failed her and you.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t even think that.”
“I can’t help thinking it. This is the only way to stop feeling like it was all in vain. Please let me do this.”
“Fuck,” he whispers as he shakes his head. “I don’t feel good about this.”
“But I do.”
I reach for his face and he kisses the palm of my hand. “How did I get so fucking lucky? I don’t feel like I deserve this.”
“When I told Dr. Goldberg that I wanted to do this, he laughed. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that man laugh.”
“Why did he laugh?”
“I couldn’t figure out why he kept cheering us on. Every time I told him I was moving forward with you, I kept expecting him to tell me to slow down, that I’m not ready.” I sigh as I think of Goldberg’s words. “He told me his wife, the one who died eight years ago, was his first love. And she got sick before they had children. He said that if he could go back and change one thing in his life, he would have given up his practice before she got sick so they could have enjoyed the time they had together while she was healthy.” I grab his face so he knows how serious I am. “I don’t want to let time get away from us. I can study from anywhere in the world. I don’t need to stay here. The only reason I went to UNC was because of the scholarship. But I talked to my advisor and I can still use the scholarship for the online classes.”
“You don’t even need the scholarship. You should donate it to someone else who needs it.”
“Is that a yes?”
He pulls my hands off his face and smiles. “How could I ever say no to you?”
I throw my arms around his neck as I climb into his lap. “I’m so happy.”
He nuzzles his face in my neck and the softness of his lips against my skin comforts me. His hands slide under my T-shirt and glide over my skin. His erection grows beneath me, feeding my hunger for him.
“Did you start?” he whispers as he kisses his way up my neck to the back of my ear.
“Start what?”
“Your period.”
“Oh, shit.”
He pulls away and he’s smiling even though he looks confused. “How late are you?”
I think for a moment. “Five days.”
He lifts me up off his lap and sets me on the bed. “I have to make a phone call.”
“Who are you calling?”
“Concierge.”
An hour later, a very embarrassed bellhop brings up an unmarked brown paper bag containing three different brands of pregnancy tests and two large bottles of water. Chris tips him well before we race to the bathroom.
“You can’t be in here,” I insist as I twist open the cap on the first bottle of water then guzzle it down.
“Let me read the instructions, to make sure you do it right.”
“You are not going to watch me piss on a stick!”
“Just let me read the instructions.”
He reads all the instructions for each test and quizzes me until he’s satisfied I know what I’m doing.
“You’re such a pain in the ass,” I say as I push him out of the restroom.
“I want to have sex tonight. I’d love to do it without a condom.”
“Get out. I have to pee.”
I can hear him laughing as I close the door behind him. Luckily, I drank enough water to supply all three tests with the right amount of fluid. After I wash up, I unlock the door and let Chris inside.
“All three tests in one shot? That’s talent.”
“I’m nervous.”
I sit on the toilet and Chris kneels before me. “Why? Are you afraid of being pregnant?”
“I’m nervous that it’s going to say I’m not pregnant and then what? Maybe I haven’t gotten my period because something is wrong with me? What if I have a tumor or something?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” he insists.
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do.” The look in his eyes is almost daring me to challenge him on this.
“How long has it been?” I ask.
“Let me check.” He stands up and grabs the first test off the counter while I watch his face anxiously for a sign. He’s serious as he picks up the second and third tests. Then he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. The silence kills me. Then a tear rolls down his cheek and I feel as if I might be sick.
“We’re having a baby,” he whispers.
I shoot to my feet so I can get a better look at the results. “Really?”
He opens his eyes to look at me and I haven’t seen Chris cry since his grandfather died three years ago. Just the sight of it takes my breath away. I grab his face and lean my forehead against his as I attempt to catch my breath.
“I didn’t think it would feel like this,” he whispers.
“Like what?”
“Like the happiest day of my life.”
I kiss his cheek and lick the moisture from my lips before I crush my mouth to his. “I love you so much.”
He lifts me off the floor and I wrap my legs around his hips. “I love your heart,” he whispers as he kisses my neck and carries me to the bed. He lies me down and the ravenous look in his eyes makes my entire body pulse with desire. “But your body is a close second to your heart.”
He lies on the bed next to me and his hand slides into my panties. His fingers glide into me as his mouth covers mine, swallowing my whimpers. He pulls his hand out of my panties, and I’m about to protest when he grabs my panties and yanks them down roughly, leaving a burning trail on my skin. I bite my lip as he tosses them on the floor. I reach for his boxers, but he pushes my hand away.
“Just because we can have sex without protection, doesn’t mean we don’t have to take our time.”
I smile uncontrollably as he sits up on his knees between my legs. He rubs my clit gently with his thumb then lifts his thumb to his mouth and sucks it clean.
“I’m addicted to that flavor.”
He grabs my hips and I squeal as he flips me over onto my stomach. He lifts my hips so my ass is in the air then he spreads my knees apart so he can lie on his back between my legs. His hands are firm on my ass as he eases me down onto his mouth. I gasp as he sucks gently on my clit.
“Oh, God,” I breathe as I press the side of my face into the pillow.
His tongue and his lips work in unison, stirring a fever inside me. Then his fingers plunge into me, gathering my wetness before he slowly eases his finger between my cheeks. He massages my opening and I hold my breath, unsure if I want this, but it feels too good to stop. His finger slides into me and let out the breath I’ve been holding.