My stomach grumbled and I realized I was hungry.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd had an appetite.
I was digging through the fridge, scrounging up breakfast, when Demi arrived home with some woman I'd never seen before. Both had armfuls of groceries.
Demi beamed when she saw me. "This is my friend, Moonbliss. We met at Om Nom Organics last week and hit it off."
To be fair, Demi hits it off with everyone. And if I guessed correctly, she'd just adopted another lonely person. They came from all walks of life.
I greeted her friend politely, even though I could tell with one glance that she was one of those.
Sallow complexion. Thin to an unhealthy degree. Wide, glassy eyes. Un-dyed, untreated, product-free, brown hair.
She was a vegan. No, worse. Much, much worse.
A juicer. A raw, vegan juicer.
Also, Moonbliss?
"Oh, you're having breakfast?" Demi noted. "Perfect timing! We're just about to cook something."
I eyed their reusable grocery bags dubiously. "What were you about to cook?"
Moonbliss looked horrified at our exchange. "Cook? Oh no. We don't cook. Cooked food is valueless food. We prepare."
I was too tickled with amusement to even think of rolling my eyes. "What were you about to prepare?"
"Green shakes."
"Sounds delicious," I said dryly.
Moonbliss didn't catch the sarcasm. "Oh, it's simply nirvana. I make it with goodness greens and activated almonds."
I was still mouthing 'activated almonds?' at a confused looking Demi when Moonbliss spoke again, "Would you like one, Scarlett? You look as though you could use some brain dust."
"Brain dust." I wasn't asking about it so much as trying the words out in my mouth. "Did you just say brain dust?"
"Wait, what? Are you serious? You don't partake of brain dust?"
Was I serious? It was getting harder and harder to give her straight answers, but the longer I let her go, the better the payoff. Clearly.
"Was it made by a virgin?" I asked, deadpan. "On the third day of a new cycle?"
Demi bit her lips to keep from laughing, looking away from me.
Moonbliss gave me a look that told me I'd just made her moon decidedly less blissful. "Do you want one or not?"
"Are you making anything else?" I asked hopefully. "Maybe something with solid food, or even meat?"
"I consider myself a purist," Moonbliss explained haughtily, "and there's nothing pure about meat."
"A good steak tastes purely awesome," I offered.
"I don't eat anything with a face. As humans, I think we've evolved past that. Don't you?"
I sure as hell hadn't. "Oh, me? I don't eat anything that points west. That's asking for trouble."
She studied me with narrowed eyes for a moment, then went back to her preparation.
I took a seat at one of the barstools lined up against the counter that faced into the kitchen. Amos crowded my legs, and I patted him absently. He licked my knee, and I let him, because he did it with love.
I felt a little bad for making fun of Moonbliss, so I said, "I'll take a green shake, thank you."
"Moonbliss has been teaching me to coo—prepare some amazing recipes," Demi told me brightly. "She's about to publish her first cookbook."
I was not the least bit surprised. "That's great. Congratulations. What's the name of it? I'll be sure to pick it up."
"My Soul Mission is Raw: Healing the Wounds in the Universe One Human Digestive Track at a Time."
I blinked. "That's a mouthful. Oh look, I made a pun."
Even Moonbliss laughed at that. I guess even she liked puns.
"This shake is best complemented with an hour of Kundalini yoga," she explained to us.
I'm ashamed to admit it, but I actually did know what that was.
"But there's simply no time today. Tomorrow morning, Demi?"
"Sure," Demi said. Damn, she was a good sport.
"Want to join us for yoga tomorrow?" Demi invited me.
Yoga had never worked for me. I was a boot camp fitness kind of girl. Running, pushups, sit-ups, squats. Things that hurt but did the job. I kept it simple.
"Oh, no thanks," I said blandly. "I like to do mind yoga."
"Mind yoga?" Moonbliss asked, rightfully suspicious.
"I just think about it really hard until the results manifest themselves."
At least it cracked Demi up. Can't please everybody.
It took Moonbliss for-freaking-ever to make the shakes. She talked us through every step, but it was so complicated that I doubted I'd retain one bit of it.
There was no sugarcoating it—the shake was horrible—everything from the color, to the taste, to the texture—but I drank it anyway. It was worth the price of admission for this crazy train.
Also, I'd been treating my body like hell lately and it couldn't hurt to start remedying that. Baby steps back to being a normal human again.
As we drank, Moonbliss (she opened up and admitted her parents had actually named her that—poor girl had never had a chance) walked us through her day to day eating. It sounded very time-consuming and confusing to me, and I liked cooking.