He sighed. “I know you’re not.” He pushed back onto his haunches and studied Amery for a long time before he spoke. “The only time I’ve slept in the last seventy-two hours was when I crawled in bed with you. After my twenty-four-hour surveillance gig, I came here and we went shopping. Seeing Kiki . . .”
A knot in her chest tightened.
“I’d signed on to ref ten matches in an amateur MMA event last night. The last guy’s opponent didn’t show, so I stepped in.”
“Wait. You fought last night? In an actual match?”
“Yeah.” He jammed his hand through his hair and she noticed his knuckles were shredded. “I saw the chance to alleviate some of my aggression from the previous forty-eight hours and I took it.”
When his eyes met hers, she recognized the challenge. Go ahead and judge me.
“Before you ask, yes, I won. But he managed to kick me in the head, which rang my bell pretty good. The fight went all three rounds, so the fans got their money’s worth.”
The casual way Ronin relayed all this raised red flags. “How did you hear about the event?”
“It was my event. I set it up.”
Why didn’t she know that about him? Was that part of the shady business dealings others had mentioned? Was that why he didn’t talk about where he’d been or what he’d been doing some weekend nights? “You do that often?”
“Often enough. And no, it’s not something I advertise through Black Arts.”
Vincent’s warning surfaced again. “Mr. Black doesn’t list all his services on his dojo’s Web site.”
“The only reason I’m telling you this is that the kick to the head scrambled my brain. I hope you know I never would’ve done what I did this morning if I’d been in my right mind.” He curled his hand over her cheek. “I shouldn’t have shown up last night, but I can’t stay away from you.”
Somehow that didn’t bring the relief she thought it would.
“I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“I know you are.”
Ronin stretched out beside her and snugged his body behind hers. “I could use a nap.”
Even before she could jokingly warn Mr. I Don’t Nap not to sleep-fuck her again, he’d fallen asleep.
• • •
FOUR hours later they sat at the kitchen counter finishing the salmon salad Ronin had made for lunch. Things had seemed normal between them after he’d tended to her, and she didn’t want to wreck the moment. But she had questions that couldn’t wait any longer. “We need to talk.”
“I know.”
“What happened between you and Naomi? Just talking about her yesterday affected you and now that’s spilled over onto me, so I have a right to know.”
He shoved his plate aside and ran his hand through his hair. “I met Naomi six years ago at a club.”
She didn’t have to pu**yfoot around and ask what kind of club. “Did you use bondage on her?”
“Yes.”
“Right away after you met her?”
“Yes.”
So he hadn’t sprung it on Naomi as he had on her. “Did you demonstrate erotic bondage on her and then f**k her in front of a roomful of people?”
Ronin gently wrapped his fingers around her jaw. “Are we going to talk about this, or are you just going to hurl jealous accusations at me?”
Amery closed her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“I am too. Can you please look at me?”
She shook her head, but she didn’t shake his hand off.
“Why not?”
“I know you cared about her and I can’t look into your eyes when you tell me about her. Even though I’m the one who’s making you do it.”
“Sweet baby.” He softly kissed her lips. “Come here.” He led her to the couch and settled her between his legs with her back resting on his chest. He strapped one arm over her belly, holding her in place.
Why did his tight hold on her make her feel . . . secure?
“When I met Naomi she told me she was thirty when in fact she was twenty-six. That’s just the first of many lies. She claimed to be familiar with shibari and kinbaku—also a lie, but she convinced me she’d be willing to try it. Within a few weeks we became involved outside of the club.
“We’d been together two years, in a relationship and she was my exclusive rope partner, when she asked if instead of adjourning to a private room after a kinbaku scene to have sex, we could add it to the scene.”
“So you had her naked, tied up in provocative poses, and never f**ked her during a demo? Not once in two years?”
“No, because we were in public.”
“You never had sex in public? With any of your bondage partners?”
“No.” Ronin bent closer and brushed a kiss across her temple. “I’m a private man, Amery. For me sex is as private as it gets. But I’m a foolish man sometimes because I agreed to try it.”
His voice was filled with so much regret she squeezed his forearm.
“Took me a month to map out a new complicated suspension scene—mostly because I didn’t want to do it. At the end of the demonstration, I f**ked her.”
The harshness of his response meant it hadn’t gone well.
“Afterward . . . it didn’t leave me in a good place. I went home and downed a fifth of scotch.”
“Did Naomi come with you?”