We make it to the meadow that is right below the farmhouse, and stop. I look around as Leo does his rounds. He circles back and I see his ears twitch. They don’t go back. He doesn't look worried.
He looks content. He smells the familiarity of home and the peace that we have found in the hills surrounding us.
The others make their way to where I am sitting on a log, listening to the birds.
Will smiles, "You look familiar."
I frown at him, "What does that mean?"
He shakes his head, "I haven’t seen this girl in a while. The girl who looks content."
I glance at Jake and smirk, "Your family has a way of taking away my peace."
Jake shakes his head, "You need to get over that."
I laugh, "no."
Star looks confused.
I give Bernie a smile, "Welcome to my world."
His lip twitches in disgust, "Where are we sleeping? When do we stop walking? My feet are killing me."
Will laughs, "You city folk have it pretty cushy."
Al gives him a look, "You liked it cushy, if I remember correctly."
Will's eyes sparkle, "That was a long time ago. I have preferred the company of nature over mankind for a while now."
I roll my eyes, "He still prefers the tent to the stars."
Anna holds herself and staggers to where I am sitting.
"How are you?"
She shakes her head.
"Dizzy still?" I ask.
She nods. She gives me a look and my heart breaks. I wrap an arm around her. Bernie's dark eyes look broken too.
Al looks confused.
We are a sad group of people. Star hands out food and water from the packs. I take a packaged bar from her. I haven’t had packaged food in a while.
The crinkle of opening it makes me remember the snacks I used to have in my lunch at school.
Anna opens hers and takes a bite. She swallows and I can see it takes effort for her. I grab a drink and pass it to her. She smiles faintly.
I'm angry.
I realize it, as the light hits her blue eyes, and I still see the faint pink in the white. I'm savagely angry. I'm going to kill things in a rough bad way. I can't let it go. My hands vibrate when I think about his voice. It was there. I had a gun and it was so close and I let it scare me. I am still the coward who turns her back.
I eat my bar and watch her, to make sure she doesn’t choke. There will be vengeance. I decide this in between bites and watching her swallow.
Chapter Sixteen
The farmhouse looks the same. Anna looks happy when she sees it. I walk past the old, brown bloodstain on the siding and smile. I never cleaned it off, because it reminded me of how close I came too many times.
I open the hatch and grin. I grab the pants, shirts and boots I have stored. I take them and walk to Anna. I grab her hand and pull her inside where Will has cleared.
We change in a musty bedroom. She is skin and bone.
I stomp my feet and grin, "The boots fit finally."
She laughs silently. She nods and stomps her feet. She gives me a thumbs up.
When we leave the room, Leo finds his way to her. He stays close. I noticed it on the way up the hill. He scouted ahead and circled back, rubbing against her dangling feet. She runs her hands into his fur.
I swallow the bad feelings and thoughts.
We settle in, with Anna sleeping on the couch and Jake and Star are making diner. I sit in the hayloft with the shotgun.
It starts to feel normal as the sun sets and I hear the crickets. There are more this summer than last. Everything is healing. It's taken the decade, he sad it would. The lack of rain and the dead zones changed the way nature worked.
But now in the dark of the night, I can hear the dry wheat sway back and forth, scratching against itself. I can hear the few crickets singing in the field.
I hear footsteps crunching on the gravel between the house and barn. I look to see Will crossing the space. He comes up the stairs almost silently.
"Hey."
I look over, "Hey."
He sits beside me, watching out over the dark fields.
"How's it going out here?" he asks.
I frown, "Fine."
He reaches over, taking my hand in his. He strokes the palm of my hand with his thumb. I swallow hard as he kneads.
He leans over, kissing my neck. My lips instantly part, making my breath join the sound of the quiet night.
He kisses gently and tugs at the buttons on my blouse. I want to protest but I don’t. I let him unbutton my shirt. The way he touches me is soft, delicate. I recall him being rough with me earlier and pull away.
"I have to watch the field."
He whispers in my ear, "I want you."
I shake my head and jerk away. I start doing the buttons up again.
"What's wrong?"
I turn away slightly, "You were an asshole to me earlier and I forgot till now."
He chuckles quietly, "You can't be mad about something that happened earlier. That’s against the rules."
I shrug, "I already told you, I don’t need you, Will."
"But you want me."
I look back, "Not when you're a jerk. You shook me again. You said you wouldn't do that again."
He points, "You were gonna lose it and kill someone. I saw that look."
I sneer, "I was fine."
"Liar."
I don’t care. I'm not letting him touch me.
"I'm sorry for shaking you."
I shrug, "You're sorry because you want sex."
He sighs and gets up, "I'm not going to get into this whole ‘ugh me caveman’ who only wants sex. If that’s what you think of me, then I don’t want to be around you." He leaves and I'm the bad guy, again.
I shake my head and hate how he manages to always make me the one who's to blame.
The night is silent. Leo comes up after a while and curls into me. Halfway through Jake comes and takes over. I don’t trust him with the watch, so I sleep in the hay as he holds the gun.
I lay close to him and Leo.
When the dawn comes Leo stirs, waking me. I look over at Jake passed out with the gun in his hands. I sigh and take it. I listen to the wind and look out over the field and grounds. There is nothing.
I tiptoe down the stars to the ground floor. I jump when I see Will leaning against the door to the barn.
He glances at me and smirks, "Have a good sleep?"
I whisper, "He was on duty, not me. It was my turn to sleep."
He nods, "Okay."
I frown and walk past him. He grabs my arms but this time it's gentle. He steps to me instead of dragging me to him. He looms over me and tilts my chin back, "I love you. I am sorry I hurt you. I get scared when you get that irrational look in your eyes."
My brow knits together and I want to deny the irrational, but I know there have been times I could have taken a different path. The doctor I shot for just touching the leg of the young girl, is first in my mind. He might have been soothing her. I know that, but at the time my brain was fired and in its cold zone.
"I am sorry," he says again and brushes his lips against mine softly.
I pull back, "Did you stay up all night or do we have to check the grounds?"
He laughs, "I know, I know, you love me too and you really can't wait to get my clothes off." He kisses me again, "I stayed up all night. Your watch and his." He grabs my hand and pulls me to the house. When he gets to the door he shouts up, "Wakey wakey, Jakey the snakey."
Jake sits up fast. His hands are still shaped like they're holding the gun. He rubs his eyes, "What the heck? I wasn’t sleeping."
We both laugh. Even Leo rolls his eyes.
Jake frowns, "Shit."
Will nods at him, "Keep watch this morning, okay?"
Jake nods and yawns.
Will pulls me inside, to the only empty bedroom, and closes the door.
He crawls into the bed and kicks his boots off. I climb into the bed with him and close my eyes. He makes our cocoon and we both fall asleep instantly.
I wake to the sound of the house. Jake is telling a story loudly and Star is giggling. Will doesn’t open his eyes, but he kisses my forehead. I lean into the kiss and smile when I feel his fingers at the buttons on my shirt again.
This time I let him unbutton it all the way. His mouth leaves warm kisses the entire length of my torso. I slide my hands into his thick hair. I love the feel of him. He pulls his shirt off, pressing our naked skin against each other. I wrap my legs around his waist, holding on too tight.
He rolls so I am on top of him, my hair falls around us, like we're in our own cave. He tucks it behind my ears and looks at me, like it’s the first time he's ever seen me before. I smile and lean forward to kiss him.
Chapter Seventeen
The hike to the cabin is intense. The incline is steeper, Bernie bitches the entire way about his blisters and Anna is too exhausted for us to hurry. Leo and I stay behind, guarding them—hoping nothing follows us into the hills.
They reach the cabin but we stay behind, to watch. I sit in a tree and Leo stays below. He paces and looks around at first, and then settles into his silent wolf mode. It's creepy.
Nothing moves beyond the woodland creatures. The song of the forest is amazing and constant. In the middle of the night, I climb down, and we make the silent trip to the cabin—the long way. We pass the hole in the earth and I can't fight the smile. It's the hole that started it all.
Leo stalks silently.
When we reach the cabin, I see the glisten of his eyes in the moonlight. I speak in a low tone, "Hey."
I can hear the smile, even in his whisper, "Hey yourself."
When I reach him, he kisses me softly, "Anything?"
I shake my head.
He nods, "Good. Go get some sleep."
I pass him my bow and arrows.
He scoffs, "You might as well just bring them. I can't use them nearly as well."
I shrug and head inside. The couches and floors are filled with people. The cabin is busting at the seams. I don’t even want to think about how the well water is going to take this level of consumption. I head into the room with beds, only to find mine has a sprawled-out eleven-year-old. I kick my boots off and climb into the bed next to her. She wraps around me, choking me with heat. I smile and close my eyes.