He nodded once, and then left just as an EMT walked in through our front door. Dane pointed at me, and then disappeared down the hallway.
The EMT checked me over, made sure the baby was okay, but I was absent the entire time. My mind was stuck on ‘replay’, and as hard as I tried to expel everything from my head, I just couldn’t.
When the EMT was satisfied that I didn’t need to go to the hospital, he joined the rest of his team. They brought the gurney out – when had they brought it in? – And my eyes followed as they wheeled Stella’s body out of the house. Reid came into the living room, his eyes wild, and his movements frantic, but when he tried to wrap his arms around me I pulled away.
“Don’t touch me,” I whispered, eyeing the dried blood on his chest. My throat started closing again but I shook the feeling away, and diverted my gaze.
“Jade?”
I heard the hurt in Reid’s voice because I felt it too. I was being grossly unfair, but before I could talk to him, I needed a few minutes to myself. I was wrong for pushing him away after what we’d just been through and yet I couldn’t stand the thought of him touching me after his mouth and his hands had been on her.
“Reid.”
We both looked up and Reid’s father was standing next to a detective. Reid sighed, and after giving me one last pleading look, he turned and started talking to the detective.
All the sounds, the talking, the people drifted away, and I found myself standing, and heading towards the nursery. Luckily Reid didn’t follow me, so I shut the door behind me, and curled into the rocking chair.
I STARTLED AWAKE when the door to the nursery opened. Reid stuck his head in, and I noticed that he was freshly showered.
I looked up, and found his sad, hesitant eyes regarding me carefully. His face, illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the window, was harrowed. Like me, he must’ve been exhausted. It was already three a.m., and our house had now just fallen silent. We were alone again, and I’d never felt further apart from him than I did at that moment.
“The cops just left,” he told me. He opened the door wider, and walked in, dressed in a clean pair of boxer briefs, and a white t-shirt. “I told them we’d stop by the station in the morning so that you could give your statement.”
I turned back towards the window. “Okay.”
I heard his feet on the soft carpet, and felt him kneel in front of me. He braced his hands on my knees, and whispered, “Talk to me, Jade. I’m going out of my mind over here. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I lied. I was being horrible, and unreasonable, and the guilt warred with everything else that was tearing me apart on the inside.
“Don’t be angry with me,” pleaded Reid. I finally turned my eyes towards him, and what I saw cracked my armor. How could I be angry with this man when he’d done everything necessary to make sure our baby and I got away unharmed? He’d put himself a risk to save us, to save me, and here I was feeling sorry for myself because he kissed his now-dead ex.
All to keep me safe.
All to keep our daughter safe.
God, I was a bitch.
He didn’t deserve it.
Especially not from me.
Reid’s tears fell, and mine followed.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice scratchy. “I just...”
“I know, baby, I know.” Reid stood up, and lifted me so that he could sit down. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and breathed in his clean scent. “I was doing what I had to do to protect you,” he said. He swallowed, and felt it against my cheek.
“If anything had happened to you,” he started, shaking his head. “God, I was terrified. I know it must have been hard to see that, but it was all to keep you safe, even if it meant losing my own life.”
“I wouldn’t have made it without you,” I said, tightening my hold. “Don’t ever do that again! You hear me?” I pulled back, and fixed him with narrowed, yet puffy eyes. “I could have lost you, Reid. Our daughter could have been without a father!”
Reid moved his hand in slow circles on my back, no doubt to get me to calm down. His other hand rested on my stomach.
“I would walk through fire for you and our little girl if it meant you two were safe.” He pressed his forehead to mine, and I inhaled a shuddery breath. “I love you that much.”
“And I love you too much to lose you,” I sniffled, “So please, no more Maverick antics, okay?”
Reid smiled sadly, and I felt us both still. “You sure you want me around for the next sixty years?”
“No,” I shook my head, looking up at him from beneath my lashes, “I want you around until the Earth stops moving, and the Sun fizzles out. I want you around until the Moon falls from the sky, and until the Sea’s dry up. There is no me without you, Reid,” I paused. “I’m sorry for pulling away from you. I was wrong.”
Reid’s head lifted, and he brought a hand up to brush my hair from my face. “It couldn’t have been easy to see that, but you know it meant nothing. I would do it all over again if it meant you got away.”
I allowed the comfort of his words to wrap around me, and embed themselves on my skin, my heart, my soul. Neither of us had been hurt, but I knew we’d have a lot to deal with once the reality of all finally took hold. Until then, I was content to sit with Reid, in our own little bubble, and remind myself that we were okay, our daughter was okay, and that Stella would never be able to hurt us again.
“Can we sleep in the guest room?” I asked Reid.
“I think we need a new house,” he mused. It would have been easy to pack up and leave again. But this was our home, and Stella’s fateful end would hang over us for long as we allowed it to. Or, we could lay that to rest, for good this time, and build new memories that broke the darkness with blinding light. I didn’t want to give Stella more power, even when she was dead.
“No.” I kissed Reid’s neck. “I like this house. We can just have the carpet replaced. She won’t haunt us Reid, and I won’t allow her ghost or the memory of tonight to take any more from us. What happened was a terrible accident, but we’re still here, and I’m ready to live this life with you.”
Without saying anything, Reid stood, keeping me cradled in his arms, baby belly and all, and walked to the guest bedroom. He pulled back the covers, and I crawled in next to him, my back to his front. He circled my waist with his arm, and tugged me close, giving me that sense of serenity that had eluded us earlier. My eyes closed, and I drifted off, dreaming about what the future held after our nightmare had finally ended.
Chapter 23
Reid
38 Weeks
I crouched down and placed the single white rose on the grass in front of the headstone. It had been a little over a month since Stella’s death, and the first time since the funeral that I’d been here. The cemetery was quiet, but it was to be expected on an early Saturday morning. I inhaled the warm air, and straightened, feeling surprisingly calm and at ease.
Some people might have questioned why I came, but Jade understood, and so did I. I never blamed myself for what happened, but I do wish I’d seen the signs when Stella and I were dating. Maybe it would have saved her life or gotten her the help she needed to get better. Those were things I’d dealt with when Jade and I decided to go for counseling after what had happened with Stella, and I was finally able to let go of the sense of responsibility I’d felt for how it all ended.