“I figured we could get this out the way now,” I said. “I don’t want any tension between us when the baby comes, and I don’t want the rest of Jade’s pregnancy to be stressful either.”
“I agree,” replied Erik. He opened a glass cabinet, and took a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue out with two tumblers. He poured it neat, no ice, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was testing me.
He handed me a glass, and watched as I took a generous sip, unflinching when the amber liquid burned my throat.
“I’m not going to lie and say that I was thrilled when Jade told me she was pregnant,” Erik started. He leant against his desk, and I remained standing. “I was just hoping she would have made a smarter choice. You kids are still young, and you’re still in college, so you can understand my concern, can’t you Reid?”
“Yes sir,” I replied. “But I need you to know that I love Jade, and I will do everything in my power to do right by her and our child. They come first. Always.”
“I don’t doubt you, Reid, but I need you to show me that you’ll take care of my little girl, and my grandbaby.”
In that moment everything became clearer to me. I understood Erik’s concern, because I was able to put myself in his shoes. If it were my daughter I would have reacted the same way he had.
If it was my daughter.
“I will,” I told him. “You have my word.”
He tipped his glass in my direction, and I finally relaxed. We finished our drinks and joined the rest of our families in the dining room. Jade was huddled between our teary-eyed mothers, and they were looking at the latest ultrasound picture. Erik joined them, and Raquel hugged him around the waist.
“What did I miss?” He asked, smiling down at his emotional wife.
“A girl,” she cried. “Jade is having a little girl.”
“Everything okay?” My father had stepped up to my side, but I’d been too preoccupied with watching Jade to notice.
“Yeah,” I replied. “Erik and I had some things to clear up.”
“That’s not what I was referring to,” he said. “I can see something is troubling you.”
“We can talk about it later, Dad. Were you able to get the info I asked for?”
“Yes,” he sipped a beer. “I got everything. Are you sure about it, though?”
“I’m sure of one thing,” I said. “I want to make sure that Jade and the baby are taken care of.”
“And you and Jade?”
I lifted my shoulders and expelled a heavy breath. “I don’t know, Dad. One minute we’re going forward, and the next she’s shutting me down, and pushing me four steps back. I feel like all I can do right now is take care of the mother of my child. I’m not sure she’ll ever want to be more.”
My father put his hand on my shoulder, and I looked at him. “Maybe she’s just as scared as you are.”
Chapter 13
Jade
You’re the man I can’t envision my future without
I could feel the tension between Reid and me permeating the air. I knew I had to say something, but I wasn’t sure I could find the words to fix my mistake. We’d had a pleasant afternoon at my parents, and the joint excitement from our mother’s over the news that we were having a little girl, was a welcomed distraction, but distractions didn’t last forever and I had to talk to him eventually.
Reid lingered at my apartment door, looking more uncomfortable than I’d ever seen him.
“Do you want to stay?” I asked, hoping he would say yes. Somewhere in the weeks after that first night we’d stayed together at his place, it became somewhat of a regular occurrence. Looking back on it now I thought it may have added to our already confusing circumstances.
“I think it’s better if I get back to my place,” he replied, not lifting his head. I should have been offended that something on his shoe was more interesting than talking to me, but how could I when it was my fault he couldn’t look at me?
“Reid,” I stepped closer, grateful that we were alone. “I think it’s time we had a talk. About us.”
His head lifted, but his expression remained shuttered. If there was one thing I truly hated it was when he shut himself off from me. Even during the months that he dated Stella I could always read him, but tonight he was guarded.
“I’m not sure there’s much to talk about. You made it pretty clear this afternoon where you stand.”
“Are you going to hold that against me forever?” I snapped, allowing my exasperation to get the better of me.
Reid’s gaze bounced around, and he tightened his jaw, two things that gave away his agitation. “Like I said, I don’t think there’s much left to talk about at this point.”
I wanted to scream. This man infuriated me to no end, and when he shut down on me I wanted to slap him. Deciding I’d had enough, I crossed the room until we were only an arm-length apart.
“All I want is for you tell me what’s going on in your head,” I said quietly. “Because I’m tired of trying to figure it out. Tell me what you want from me, Reid. Please.”
“Nothing,” he replied, his voice void of any emotion. “I don’t want anything from you, Jade. Not anymore.”
I glowered at him, and as hard as I tried to hide what I was feeling, I just couldn’t. His words were like a knife to the chest, tearing through flesh and bone until everything was shredded.
“You’re leaving me?” My breath caught in my throat as I tried to grasp what he meant.
He frowned. “No, but I’m tired of fighting for us on my own. You are the mother of my child, and it’s my responsibility to take care of you, both of you, and that’s what I’ll do.”
And there it was – my fear that he was only sticking around out of obligation, and not because he wanted to.
“Don’t do me any favors,” I bit out, grappling for some control, “If you want to leave, the door is right behind you. I don’t want to be just a responsibility, and there’s no way I will allow our child to feel like some kind of burden.”
Reid’s arms flew up, and his shutters came down when he half-yelled, “You are not just a fucking responsibility. I love you, more than anything or anyone, and you keep pushing me away. You are so much more than just the mother of my child, but I can’t force you to see that. Tell me what more I can do to make you understand that you are everything to me, because I’m hanging on by a damn thread hoping that a part of you might feel the same way.”
My heart stuttered to life, and it took me a minute to find my voice. I’d been so afraid that he no longer wanted to be with me, that I failed to see how my actions had affected him. Had he been just as afraid as I was?
I knew how I felt about him, but something stopped me from saying it straight away. He mistook my silence for something it wasn’t, a confirmation that I didn’t reciprocate his feelings, but before he reached the door I stopped him. We’d wasted too much time dancing around the issue of us and I didn’t want to waste any more. It meant I had to tell him everything, whether I was ready or not.
“I’m scared,” I said, holding on to his jacket. His back was to me, but at least he was listening. “I’m scared that the only reason you’re sticking around is because I’m pregnant.”