I stared at the floor for a few minutes, and eventually sunk on to my bed in defeat. I felt completely sucked dry of everything – my fight, my emotion – and the way I saw it I only had two options. I could wallow in self-pity, or I could focus on the two things that I could count on – football, and school.
As easy as it would have been to choose the first option, wallowing just wasn’t my style.
** ** ** ** **
The days that followed were long, cold, and almost unbearable. I’d become irritable, and intolerable, and ended up snapping at anyone I came into contact with, including my friends. I avoided the cafeteria because I didn’t want to see Jade, but also because I wasn’t in the mood for company. April meant no football training due to the wet, freezing weather, but I still found myself on the field and in the gym when I wasn’t attending my law classes.
It was only mid-afternoon, and I had my next class in two hours, so I headed down towards the empty football field intent on getting a run in. I might have been considered crazy for running in sixty-degree weather, but being out in the open, and on the field was the only thing that had brought me some kind of peace in the last week.
I zipped up my black U of B hoodie, stuck my earphones in and started running on the track. Lorde’s ‘Team’ started playing, and my feet started pounding the Tartan in perfect rhythm with the song. I did a few laps, and then increased my pace until my lungs burned, and all thoughts of Jade were silenced. When I reached the finish line, I slowed down, and stopped, resting my hands on my head while taking in large gulps of icy air.
I turned around, and scowled when I saw Dane leaning against the tunnel wall waiting for me. He had a grey beanie on, a grey U of B hoodie, and dark jeans with black combat boots. His arms were crossed over his chest, but when he saw me looking at him, he straightened and slowly started approaching me.
“Thought you might be out here,” he said, sticking his hands in his pockets. His eyes probed my face but he knew as well as I did that he wouldn’t find anything. I’d perfected the art of hiding the chaos going on in my head, careful not to reveal anything from the inside.
“Yeah,” – I checked my watch – “But I can’t chat. I have class in a little over thirty minutes.”
I walked past him, and grimaced when he fell into step beside me.
“There a reason you tracked me down?” I asked, unable to mask the hostility in my voice. I didn’t want to be rude, but I wanted to be left alone, and I had a feeling Dane wanted to have a heart-to-heart.
He sighed as I walked through the gym and straight into the locker room. I looked up as I started taking my sweaty clothes off and Dane rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know what happened between you and Jade, or you and Stella, but I’m worried about you, Reid, you haven’t been yourself this past week.”
“Jesus,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Can’t you just give me some fucking breathing room?” Slamming the locker shut, I stalked towards the shower and didn’t care that I was butt ass fucking naked.
“I’ve been treading on fucking eggshells around you all week,” replied Dane. “Forgive me for wanting to make sure you’re okay!”
I turned on the hot water, hissing when it scalded my skin, and turned to face him. “I’m not fucking okay, Dane. I lost my best friend, and the girl I love. There’s nothing fucking okay with that!”
“Then talk to me, Reid, Goddammit. Let me help you.”
I screwed my eyes shut, and turned away, pressing my hands against the tiled wall and allowing the hot water to thaw the ever-present chill in my bones.
“There’s nothing you can do,” I said. “I just need some time and space to deal. Alone.”
“It doesn’t have to be this way.” Dane’s voice was filled with understanding, and sympathy, and neither had place with me. Aside from Jade, Dane had been my best friend growing up. I didn’t have siblings growing up, and I’d come to consider him more of a brother, than a friend. But even brother’s overstepped.
“Trust me when I say it does.”
I shut the water off, and dried off. “Look, I appreciate the concern, but nothing you say will change how I feel.” – I changed into a fresh set of clothes, and fished my car keys from my gym bag – “I appreciate your concern, but when I’m ready to talk, I will. Until then, leave me be.”
I exited the gym, leaving Dane behind, and made my way towards my car. When I saw Stella leaning against the driver’s side I groaned and almost decided to walk to class instead.
“Hey Reid.” She smiled, and my stomach twisted at the smug look on her face. She was up to something.
“Stella.” I threw my bag on the back seat, and opened my car door. “What do you want?”
“Oh nothing.” Stella looked down, fiddling with her nails. “I just have some information I thought you’d want to know.”
“I don’t care about whatever gossip you’ve heard.”
Her head whipped up, and she cocked a hip to the side. “Not even if it has to do with your beloved Jade?”
I froze and looked at Stella over my shoulder.
“My friend Desiree works as a part-time receptionist at Dr. Burkes consulting rooms,” she started. “She told me Jade made a very interesting phone call yesterday - ”
“Is there an end to this story?”
“Let me finish,” huffed Stella, rolling her eyes. “So Jade phoned, and wanted to reschedule an appointment for an ultrasound.”
My jaw tensed. I had no idea why she felt the need to draw out whatever she had to tell me. “Spit it out, Stella. Now.”
“I was her twenty week ultrasound, Reid. Jade’s pregnant.”
If it were possible for the ground to fall out from under me, it would have just then. Not only did my heart stop, but my lungs stopped too.
Stella rounded my side, and placed her hands on my chest. “I told you she was no good for you, Reid.”
“You’re lying.”
It couldn’t be true. Jade would have told me, unless...
“Now that she’s having some other guys baby,” – Stella’s voice sounded far away, like I was underwater. Quite fitting considering I felt like I was drowning. – “There’s nothing stopping us from being together.”
I pushed her away from me and started stalking towards the buildings that housed the lecture halls. Stella called after me, but all I could hear was the blood rushing to my ears, and my heavy breathing.
I broke out into a jog, mentally recalling where I was most likely to find Jade at this time of day. I gave no thought to what I was going to say, but I had to see her, talk to her, before my mind ran away with me. I wanted it to be a lie, because the thought of her carrying another man’s baby was far more devastating than thinking she’d been with someone else after me. I didn’t want that to be the reason she didn’t want me.
I found the building where she had her classes, and pushed through the throng of students who had just exited class. Jade was standing outside in the crowded hallway, talking to some preppy looking douche, and the way he smiled at her had me clenching my jaw and my fists.
“Reid.” Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw me, and her ‘friend’ stepped back, watching with wary eyes.