Prologue
Reid
November
Jade stared at me with her chocolate brown eyes, red and slightly puffy, and I fought the natural inclination to wrap her in my arms. We’d been friends all our lives, and she was always the one constant in my life when everything else seemed uncertain. But for the past few months, the dynamic of our relationship had changed, and it terrified the hell out of me. It went from being playful to sexual, sedate to intense, calm to electrical, and we were both fumbling around in the proverbial dark trying to figure out what it meant for our friendship.
“I want you to kiss me, Reid, like you did the first time weeks ago when you couldn’t fight this,” – she gestured between the two of us – “any more than I could.”
We were standing in her family’s Villa in Barcelona, and she was a mess after her grandmother’s funeral. I’d come with her because I knew how hard it was going to be, and I couldn’t not be here if my girl needed me.
My girl.
I’d been thinking of her that way for a while now, if only in my head.
“Jade, I - ” I hesitated, rubbing my hands down my face. She wasn’t thinking clearly, and I was aware of that, which was why, giving into her, was a terrible idea. Once I kissed her, I would be tempted to do more, and the last thing I wanted was for her to think I was taking advantage of her vulnerable state. Because that’s exactly what she was.
Vulnerable.
Split wide open.
Showing me everything.
“Please,” she begged softly, the hitch in her voice causing my chest to ache. She was hurting, and I wanted to do what I could to help her through it.
I ran my eyes down her body, and my body reacted the way it always had when I saw her. Something deep inside me stirred, and it was so much more than just lust. It was a fierce need to have her, to claim her...to love her.
And God did I love her.
So much.
But what would happen if I acted on it?
My fear of losing her far outweighed my physical need to be with her, and as far as my emotional need went to tell her how much I cared about her, I wasn’t sure if our friendship would stay the same if I did.
I stepped closer to her, resting my hand on the back of her neck, and pressed our foreheads together.
It was dark outside, but I could see the plea on her face, in her eyes. I wanted to give her the world, but I was waging a war on the inside because what she was asking of me right now, in this rare, unguarded moment was so much more than that.
“If I kiss you,” I breathed, “There’s no going back. We will never be the same, and that scares me.”
“It scares me too,” she replied. “But what scares me more is going to bed in the next room without knowing what this would have felt like. With you.”
The ‘this’ she was referring to was more than a kiss, because we wouldn’t be able to stop there. Neither of us wanted to, but we had to be mindful of how it would impact the twenty years we’d been friends.
It was inconceivable to think that she’d been in my life that long, but our mothers were pregnant together, gave birth to us days apart, and our fathers had been best friends since high school. Her life was inextricably woven with mine, and her presence had always grounded me.
I had a feeling it would all change after tonight.
I wasn’t ready.
We weren’t ready.
But it was bound to happen, the same as the sun was meant to rise, and set every day.
“Are you sure?” I asked. Part of me was hoping she’d realize it was a bad idea, that our friendship wouldn’t last if things changed so drastically, but the other part wanted to know that she wanted this as much as I did.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” she replied.
That confirmation alone made my body hum with anticipation.
I pressed my lips to hers, gentle at first, and then our tongues met, and the rest came as naturally to me as breathing.
Every touch.
Every whimper.
Every inhalation.
Every exhalation.
I breathed her in. Her scent, her sounds, and the way her back bowed when my hands roamed her naked body. It was cool, a light breeze coming through the balcony doors, but the humidity coated her golden skin with a light sheen of sweat and I licked up the salty taste with fervor. Her body opened up for me, welcoming me home and I struggled with my restraint, shaking as I held myself above her.
“Reid,” she sighed, moving her hips and gripping my hard cock inside her. “You don’t have to be gentle. I won’t break.”
No, but I will.
I captured her lips with mine, and started moving. Her body gave itself over to me, as mine did to her, and for that brief, but intense, sliver of time I didn’t worry about where it left our hearts, where it left my heart. I gave in, I surrendered, and when the sun rose the following morning, Jade was nowhere to be found.
I was right.
Things changed after that.
And I knew neither of us would ever recover.
I’d lost my best friend.
Chapter 1
Jade
March
I walked into the apartment that I shared with my closest girlfriend Kennedy, and stifled a sigh when I found her playing tonsil hockey with her boyfriend, Dane. I’d had a rough day, and I wasn’t really in the mood to watch them dry hump on our sofa.
“Hey.”
Kennedy’s head whipped up at the sound of my voice, and she scrambled off Dane’s lap. “Hey. I wasn’t expecting you home so early.”
“Yeah,” I snorted. “I see that.”
Dane ducked his head, and Kennedy muttered “sorry” as her cheeks reddened.
“It’s fine,” I said, walking to my bedroom. “Just put a sock on the door next time so I’m prepared.” I winked to let her I know I was teasing, and tried to squelch the pang of envy seeing her with Dane brought to the surface. I was happy for her, for them both. After the hell they had been through to find each other, they deserved it. But lately I’d been feeling as though life was taunting me with the things I wanted, but didn’t have. And I was tired of it.
I threw my bag onto the floor, and placed my sketch bag on my desk. I was in my third year at Brighton University studying a Bachelor of Science in Design, with the hopes of being a fashion designer. I had a knack for drawing, and had been sewing most of my own clothes from the age of sixteen, when my parents bought me my own sewing machine for my birthday.
I loved my classes, but more importantly it was the only thing I felt was going right in my life. I could control the outcome of this one small element of my world, which is exactly what I had been doing since everything had fallen out from under me last November.
I was exhausted, but fortunately it was already spring break, and I was looking forward to having a few days off.
“You okay?” Kennedy asked walking into my room. I sat down on my bed with a tired sigh, and replied, “Fine. Just feeling a little worn out.”
Kennedy smiled, and took a seat beside me. “I know what you mean. I’m so excited for our trip to Cabo. It’s the break we all need.”
Right. We were flying to Cabo in the morning, and I had to tell myself repeatedly that I was just as excited to be spending a few days on the beach. Truthfully speaking, I was kind of dreading it.
“It will be good,” I said, trying – and failing – to sound marginally enthusiastic.